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prowaker · May 24, 2010, 07:39 AM

Hey everyone,
This is my first post, I've been reading a lot of stuff here about other stuff and found it useful.
Anyway, so last night my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me and the sad thing is her prom was the night before and we had a blast together. I have no idea what to do like we have taken breaks during our relationship before but nothing like this. She has deleted me from BBM(blackberry messenger) won't answer any texts her phone is always off when I try to call her parents hate me now so I can't call the house she also went as far as blocking me on Facebook. The words she said before all this happened was that we would always be bestest of friends, so much for that. I think I'm most scared of her going out clubbing or something and having sex with another guy or something that's all I can think about. I haven't slept the last 2 nights. PLEASE HELP I Don't KNOW WHAT TO DO.

talaniman · May 24, 2010, 12:21 PM

Sorry for your loss, but recognize that your in shock right now over this, and you're a jangle of emotional mess.

Right now you need friends and family who are close to you, that can get you through your shock.

Can you give us more details, and information of this relationship, and what you think lead up to the break up? Sounds like your high school sweetheart has been planning this for a while. That's why your in shock, because you probably never saw this coming.

Homegirl 50 · May 24, 2010, 12:26 PM

Sorry this has happened, but there is really nothing you can do but leave her alone. It will take time and support from friends and family.
Did you two have an argument about something? Some of this could be leaving HS/going away to school anxiety. Would you two be going to different schools?

ohsohappy · May 24, 2010, 12:41 PM

Jeeze, that REALLY sucks. :(
And you have no idea why this came about?

prowaker · May 24, 2010, 12:42 PM

Talaniman,
Her and I have been going out since I was grade 10 her grade 9. uhm she came to me 2 weeks ago or so and said we are becoming different people and she thinks I was smothering her. I said ill back off we can work something out, so we hang out only a few times within those 2 weeks when normally I would have seen her about 90% of it. I kind of knew something was up and wanted to fix it but for it to happen like this isn't right and that's why I'm hurt. I don't want to lose a close friend, I even said id rather keep you a best friend then lose you all together. My friends and family are helping me as well I haven't stayed in the house, I try to keep going or I just break down. What else would you like to know about our relationship?

Homegirl,
No we didn't have an argument although she got really upset at my parents for some reason and now her parents hate mine and me. You she is going to university and I'm second year college. But both in the same city. We never went to the same school through out our relationship (which in my opinion is why it lasted as long as it didn't we didn't get tired of eachother). I don't want to text her anything because I will never get a response and that will break me.

ohsohappy · May 24, 2010, 12:44 PM

What did she mean by saying that you were smothering her? And you really have no idea why she hates your parents and such?

prowaker · May 24, 2010, 12:48 PM

ohsohappy,
She said we have been together throughout her high school life and she never got to be single. She wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends (but we all know what happens there) so I always went with her. My parents loved her and her parents loved me. She told her mom that she thought my parents never really liked her and felt uncomfortable around them yet she never mentioned this to so I had no idea.

ohsohappy · May 24, 2010, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by prowaker

ohsohappy,
she said we have been together throughout her highschool life and she never got to be single. she wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends (but we all know what happens there) so i always went with her. my parents loved her and her parents loved me. she told her mom that she thought my parents never really liked her and felt uncomfortable around them yet she never mentioned this to so i had no idea.

This must be very hard for you. But I can also understand where she is coming from.
I for one know sever people who go to clubs and go back home alone (I personally never go) As far as you guys not talking right now, it's probably for the best. You both need time ti heal, and believe it or not, this might be very hard for her too. Four years of feelings don't evaporate overnight. I think she needs to sort herself out. You need to do the same. Focus on you, even though it's very hard for you to not think about her.

prowaker · May 24, 2010, 01:08 PM

its just weird not waking up to a text saying morning or something or a text in the middle of the day. I've been reading a lot about the NC but its not my thing I like to have a lot of communication. But I'm going to try it anyway. I haven't sent her a message in a while. And that's what I said to hear how do you not love me after 4 years and just end it like this (about 2 weeks ago with the smothering) I said deep down I know you love me still. But she will not admit it. Last night when we talked for about 2 seconds she said your going to make this very hard for the both of us if we keep talking, she said I don't want to talk to you because I know you love me. And I'm not going to tell her I don't because I know I do. But she is not willing to admit she still does as well. I have been trying to focus on myself keeping busy. My family and friends are all keeping really close to me because they all knew how long this relationship has been and how close we were. But there's random times when I think about what she's doing or something and I just break down.

Homegirl 50 · May 24, 2010, 01:43 PM

Well I know it is hard but you need to leave her alone. She needs space and it sounds like you never gave her much even when you were together.
This break up is about her, her getting the space and time she needs, she does not need you trying to talk her into admitting anything.
She may just want to be free, and that is her right.

talaniman · May 24, 2010, 02:11 PM

Do the no contact, and understand she has been think of how and when to end this for a long time and she finally got the courage to tell you.

Leave her alone for a solid month, so your shock can wear off, from the suddenness of the break up, and the emotional dust can settle, and you can think clearly, because now your too emotional to rationalize anything logical. Nor understand HER feelings, because of the intensity YOUR feelings.

Devorameira · May 24, 2010, 02:39 PM

I'd say she's been unhappy for quite a long time, and it was really hard for her to break up with you.

Problem is that there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You need to accept that the relationship is over. Let her go and move on with your life.

prowaker · May 24, 2010, 06:44 PM

I understand about the moving on part but I still want to be her friend and everything not ignored and blocked from all contact.

talaniman · May 24, 2010, 07:22 PM

And eventually you may have that after a proper healing. What you can't give it the time it takes? Obviously that's what she needs (and so do you), so what's your hurry to force something she , or you, may not be ready for yet? Or is it the hope she will change her mind? Be honest.

prowaker · May 25, 2010, 07:31 AM

Honestly,
I want to be friends with her she has been a big part of my life we went through so much stuff together. I'm scared she will go out and just hook up with other guys. I'm not expecting her to change her mind I know that's out of the question at this time.

talaniman · May 25, 2010, 08:26 AM

So how would you feel if your friend dated another, and had no time for you?

It would hurt like hell wouldn't it? That is why forcing a friendship to keep someone in your life would be a bad idea, and cause you more misery, and pain than you are in now.

I think friendship with out the proper recovery will stop you from being a good friend as its extremely difficult to go from romance to just friends without healing the wounds and hurts, so you can make the adjustments to good friends.

You cannot force the process without making things much more miserable for your own mental, and emotional health, as true friends will be friends, without seeing each other every day, and no matter what they do with their own individual lives.

I'm scared she will go out and just hook up with other guys.

Don't let your emotions, especially your fear, make you impulsive and force something neither of you may be ready for.

prowaker · May 25, 2010, 09:35 AM

The hard part about our relationship as well is that we were never friends to begin with we kind of just started dating and went a long with it. But that's all I think about is her going out and hooking up with guys. Like its just in the back of my head I can't shake it off. But I see your point like if she started dating and had no time for her friend.

I have a situation on my hands, so I just realized she has my camera still from her prom. I kind of want it back. I don't want to go to her house because I'm scared her mom or dad will shoot me. I want to kind of meet up with her alone (if she's up for it).

One last note, I have really no idea what I have done to her to make her want to end all contact as sudden as this and block me from Facebook and such. I have done everything for her and treated her the best. Do you think it was an impulse from her parents/friends to do this?

Do you think it would be all right if I gave her a call in the next few days about my camera?

talaniman · May 25, 2010, 10:18 AM

Or ask a friend to get it for you. That's probably the best route, as she doesn't really want to see you, because I suspect she is suffering through this also.

prowaker · May 25, 2010, 10:22 AM

I really don't see her suffering. If she was don't you think that she wouldn't of blocked me from everything and would have wanted to stay friends?

Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions I never really went through this before. I never felt this way about another girl. All the other little breaks that we took throughout our relationship we have always gotten back together but she said the night this happened that there is no chance.

talaniman · May 25, 2010, 10:33 AM

You may not see her suffering but going No Contact with you would be the advice for her to get through this break up.

That's exactly why we have told your to do the same. Have NC with her. That's to heal, and recover.

About that camera, let a good friend do it for you.