[firey_kitty]

So he broke it off with me after 2 years, because he said he just wasn't feeling the same. I took it hard and for months pined over him, let him be my "friends with benefits" because I thought it would win him back. It just pushed him away more.

Anyway, one day I woke up and I was just sick and tired of this bull. So I decided to unexpectedly show up to his apartment and cut all ties. I went there and found him with his CLOSEST FEMALE FRIEND in BED, naked.

It was the worst experience of my life, I felt like I was in a nightmare and my heart jumped out of my chest and literally broke. I was in tears. She left immediately but not easily, trying to coax me out of the apartment to "talk" to me, but I knew she just wanted me to leave with her.

I threatened some things, even taking my own life, to get the image of them out of my head, it was horrible. I had never trusted her during the relationship and all my worst fears had finally culminated and I felt sick. She is gorgeous, a model.. . How could any guy resist her? We had many fights over her previously because he would always say he has nothing for and she's hardly as attractive as me.

That day, I asked if she was more attractive to me, and he replied "You guys are equal..."

The day was horrible, I was in such an emotional mess, I wanted to end it all and I tried, only with them showing up at my place and her claiming she doesn't like him and only slept with him to see if she had any feelings. She wasn't lying. Him, on the other hand, said he did think he liked her.

Fast forward two months. After seeing me such a mess, she promises not to move forward with whatever happened that night, and truly claims she does not have feelings. I believe her. Why? Because she started falling head over heels for someone else.

He started saying that he was just confused especially with the fact that she was the only important girl to him AFTER me, and he confused that with romantic feelings.

Needless to say, I cut him out of my life, stopped talking to him completely.

4 months later, he messages me telling me he misses me and wants to meet up. He apologizes for everything, asks for another chance. I tell him that he needs to rebuild trust with me before anything and he agrees to this and I tell him he needs to prove himself worthy. He acknowledges it will take effort.

She is still in his life. Every time I know she might be at a party he's attending or anthing, I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do. I was insecure in our relationship BEFORE and we would fight endlessly over her and it pushed him away. But it's different now... I'm afraid the moment she doesn't have a boyfriend or gets lonely, and gives him more attention he will give in... after being rejected by her.

Is it possible he has no feelings for her? I'm just so tired of this feeling. He's seen her naked. I just can't get that image out of my head. How do I bring this up with him without being insecure? I'm so sick of felling this way... IDK if he's even worth it anymore...

[Jake2008]

Think about how his behaviour affected you, and the obvious months of lies he told in order to be with her. You have no idea if it was one time only or not, neither of them would likely tell the whole story.

Maybe she is also a friend with benefits, like you were. Maybe he thought sleeping with her was okay because you and he were 'just friends'.

My opinion is I don't know if this is a safe road for you to follow. While you were together, she was in his life, and he hid his feelings for her, and ultimately they got together. Afterwards he was still unsure how he felt about her. And she is still in his life as you say.

I don't know how he can rebuild trust as long as you are still so affected by what happened, and is it really worth the enormous effort it will take for you to trust him anyway?

If you were married with a couple of kids I would say get to marriage counselling and find out if there is enough love there to put the relationship back in place. But, with his track record pretty clear without a firm long term commitment, is it worth the effort? Do you think you can honestly say you would trust him again?

As to your question, yes, I believe he still has feelings for her, otherwise, she'd not be in his life. It may even be possible that he broke up with you in order to be with her.

It is up to you of course, and I hope you pick the path that you know you can live with.

[CarrotTalker]

Wow this guy sounds completely selfish and has no regard for your body or feelings. Not only that, he is exposing you to the risk for STD's.

I'm certain you can find a better guy who won't do this type of nonsense. He wants to have his cake and to eat it to.

[Devorameira]

I wouldn't give him the time of day.

He's lied to you, cheated on you, and treated you like crap... why would you even considered giving him another chance?

[ZoeMarie]

I'm with everyone else here. Why would you want to put yourself through this? There's no reason be with someone that you can't trust.

[talaniman]

You never should have taken him back.

[Showme_urmove]

firey_kitty I can't believe your asking yourself "i IDK if he's even worth it anymore"...

Please do us all a favor and re read your post once again, and if you still don't get it, read it over and over again till a light bulb turns on.

His playing you, simple as that. He doesn't love you, care for you, he just wants to hit that a*^, and your letting him.
I know your in love, and being in love does make you do things that you thought you would never do.
Ask yourself "does he love me"

I'm going to give you a bad news, he doesn't love you at ALL!!

Don't let one man ruin a wonderful day that God had given you.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't want to sound harsh, but you said he broke up with you because he was just not feeling the same way about you, then you decided to let him have sex with you with no strings attached. So what is the deal, why are you upset? You gave him permission to treat you this way.
He later calls you and says he misses you ( he wants a piece) You have given it with no strings attached before.
Tell him to leave you alone and you get on with your life. If you are willing to have sex with someone who tells you they are not feeling you, don't be surprised to find out they are doing someone else as well.
Learn from this and move on.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you want to consider getting back, you don't even start dating again until you do months of counseling and after that start dating again.

You are not ready, and you are not ready yet

[aimee_tt]

I agree with everyone else. If he had feelings for you he would get her out of his life.

No you can't trust him and you don't want to trust him. I wouldn't want to either.

Ditch him. He isn't worth your love. Let him go to that girl. They deserve each other. You deserve better!

[Mommy102808]

You deserve better than this. Why give a man your heart who plans to step on it to get to the bottom half of you? You just said "she rejected him" "he misses me"... that explains in plain English exactly what he wants and if you gave it to him before he will expect the same and drop you once someone else comes along to fill that place in his bed. Time to move on.

[firey_kitty]

I agree with everyone else. If he had feelings for you he would get her out of his life.

No you can't trust him and you dont want to trust him. I wouldnt want to either.

Ditch him. He isnt worth your love. Let him go to that girl. They deserve each other. You deserve better!

So we had a long talk today and I told him that I simply will not go through it again and I do not want them to be friends. He said he cannot just stop being friends with someone because he's not that kind of person, but he agreed to not hang out with her alone OR make plans with her.. But if he saw her in a public place (party, because they're both involved in campus life) then he would say hi.

I also said that if they do hang out, I want to be present, and he didn't skip a beat and said he wouldn't mind that at all. He said he completely understands how I feel. I guess putting my foot down got the message across... What do you guys think?

[aimee_tt]

Maybe its just me, but if I ever cheated on my boyfriend and I was lucky enough that he took me back. I would do everything in my power to win their trust and if that meant pushing that person out of my life completely then I would.

He says he can't stop being her friend because he's not like that... I think he doesn't want to stop talking to her. If he cared how you felt and if she cared how you felt she would stay away and he would be telling her he can't see her because your more important.

Hunny he has already kept you on the side for sex. As well as sleeping with that girl. Does he do anything for you? Or is he basically in it for the sex?

[firey_kitty]

Maybe its just me, but if i ever cheated on my boyfriend and i was lucky enough that he took me back. I would do everything in my power to win their trust and if that meant pushing that person out of my life completely then i would.

He says he can't stop being her friend because hes not like that... I think he doesnt want to stop talking to her. If he cared how you felt and if she cared how you felt she would stay away and he would be telling her he can't see her because your more important.

Hunny he has already kept you on the side for sex. As well as sleeping with that girl. Does he do anything for you? Or is he basically in it for the sex?

No, he's been doing whatever I ask of him. He's excited to spend time with me, making plans and stuff, to actually do things. We're applying for jobs at the same places (his idea). Today I told him that I don't want to have sex for a while, and although disappointed, he said it was up to me. The thought that he might be in it for the sex has crossed my mind, so I am definitely withholding on the sex for a while, and if he doesn't like it he can go to hell. But he keeps referring to me as his girlfriend, and I even asked if he would put it on his fb and he said "I hate doing that but if you really want me too I definitely will"

They were best friends before all of this happened and he says he hardly sees her as it is. But he just doesn't want to ignore her or anything and if a bunch of his friends, including her, are having lunch (which happens often), he doesn't want to just miss out. I told him to call me when they're all having lunch and I will come and he said that's great, and that for a while I don't want to hear of them hanging out.

[Imabadman]

I'm just looking at the facts of your story. Why does everyone think this guy cheated on you? He didn't cheat, in fact he didn't do anything wrong. You two were broken up and having sex. By your own admission you felt it would lead to a relationship, a.k.a. false hope. Now you can curse him because he was having sex with some other chick(s) on the side but did he actually make any commitment(s) to you that he would not?

While I feel your pain you have to accept that you allowed yourself to be treated this way. You own your pain.

Some part of me feels you coerced him into “getting back together”, your threatening to kill yourself, etc… Really what this comes down too is you're jealous of his female friend. Who could blame you. With that being said sooner or later your insecurities are going to get to him. However, on the positive side it appears that he's trying to work through this with you by being flexible and understanding. You've got to give him some credit for that. Communication is key here. Understand though, your insecurities have a shelf life. In other words don't get in the habit of crying wolf every time you feel jealous and insecure. As I eluded to earlier he will tire of this as would anyone.

Good luck!

[Homegirl 50]

He said he was not feeling you anymore, why is he feeling you now?
You can be friends with him, see how it goes, but stay out of the bed. Your first mistake was allowing him to have sex with you after he told you didn't want to be with you.
I would tread lightly here.

[firey_kitty]

I’m just looking at the facts of your story. Why does everyone think this guy cheated on you? He didn’t cheat, in fact he didn’t do anything wrong. You two were broken up and having sex. By your own admission you felt it would lead to a relationship, a.k.a. false hope. Now you can curse him because he was having sex with some other chick(s) on the side but did he actually make any commitment(s) to you that he would not?

While I feel your pain you have to accept that you allowed yourself to be treated this way. You own your pain.

Some part of me feels you coerced him into “getting back together”, your threatening to kill yourself, etc… Really what this comes down too is you’re jealous of his female friend. Who could blame you. With that being said sooner or later your insecurities are going to get to him. However, on the positive side it appears that he’s trying to work through this with you by being flexible and understanding. You’ve got to give him some credit for that. Communication is key here. Understand though, your insecurities have a shelf life. In other words don’t get in the habit of crying wolf every time you feel jealous and insecure. As I eluded to ealier he will tire of this as would anyone.

Good luck!

This is the best advice I've gotten so far. I agree with everything you said. I completely allowed him to treat me this way, and what happened in our relationship before the break up is EXACTLY what you described - my insecurity and jealousy caused unnecessary fights, which he got sick of. I don't want that to happen again. I like the idea of taking responsibility. He didn't get back with me after I threatened to harm myself though, after that, we just stopped talking. I started dating someone else. He did too. Then after 2 and a half months of that, he asked to meet with me. It's been great so far because I don't feel like I'm giving too much of myself yet and he knows EXACTLY where I stand, and that I don't trust him at all and he's perfectly fine with rebuilding that.