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usernameguy · May 17, 2010, 09:35 AM

When I first became sexually active I lacked stamina, much as most young males experience. Since then nothing had really changed. I often felt inadequate in bed because of the inability to have a prolonged sexual experience but found ways to compensate for my partner's sake. I never felt like I had a poor sex life or that there was any reason for concern.

I spent nearly the last five years sexually inactive after my most recent serious relationship for my own reasons, most were emotional and probably linked to my ex. Others reasons were those feelings of inadequacy that made me feel like I would be a disappointing sexual partner.

I recently started seeing someone on a relatively serious capacity and have become sexually active again. What once was a 'problem' of being quick in the sack is now a 'problem' of not being able to climax at all.

I'm perfectly capable of climaxing on my own in no time at all. But when it comes to climaxing with this girl it seems impossible. This is troubling because I don't want her to think that she's doing anything wrong or that she's unattractive at all. She does everything right and she is gorgeous.

My theory is that it's psychological and I've put all this pressure on myself to be a 'superman' in bed, and now I can't have a complete sexual experience. I've always been very conscious about the other's experience before my own, and now it's come to a point to where my own is becoming more important.

Is this an issue I should seek medical guidance over or should I ride it out and see if this really is simply a psychological brick wall that needs a little time to be chipped away at.

smoothy · May 17, 2010, 10:02 AM

How old are you? Age can and does play a factor in this and just a few years can mean a lot.

Synnen · May 17, 2010, 11:55 AM

The OTHER question is how often have you masturbated during the last 5 years?

I'm betting a BIG part of the problem is that you're so used to you that you can't adjust to someone else.

usernameguy · May 17, 2010, 12:40 PM

I just turned 29. I masturbate about 4-5 times a week. I can see that being a routine that I'm comfortable with and now that I've introduced another... release[?] I'm having trouble allowing myself the opportunity to be fully open or available (for lack of a better term).

Synnen · May 17, 2010, 12:43 PM

Like I said--the other part is that you're used to yourself. You know EXACTLY what it takes to get you off, and can do it with ease.

Your girlfriend is obviously going to offer different stimulations than you are currently used to.

My advice is to cut the masturbation completely, and to just enjoy what you are doing together sexually and not worry about the END of the journey--just enjoy the trip.

usernameguy · May 17, 2010, 12:54 PM

Yeah, that's kind of what I had in mind. At this point it hasn't become a problem and I'm not desperate for an orgasm. My focus is mostly on her and its just as satisfying knowing that she climaxes. I thought I'd research the issue before it does potentially becomes a problem while it's still early in the relationship so that I could talk about it when/if necessary.

Thanks for the insight. It's a great help.

CravenMorhead · May 17, 2010, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by usernameguy

yeah, that's kinda what i had in mind. at this point it hasnt become a problem and i'm not desperate for an orgasm. my focus is mostly on her and its just as satisfying knowing that she climaxes. I thought i'd research the issue before it does potentially becomes a problem while it's still early in the relationship so that i could talk about it when/if necessary.

thanks for the insight. it's a great help.

Chances are, and it isn't uncommon with men, you're using the grip 'o death on your penis. If you are, loosen up a little. Make sure your thumb doesn't go past your middle finger when you're masturbating. It will retrain yourself to a lighter touch. Either way you're going to need to retrain yourself to accept the different stimulation. I wouldn't cut out masturbation completely, but I would tone it down to once every two days at most, maybe once every three.

The other thing that tweaked me here is that you're only concerned with her pleasure and her climaxing. Sex is a mutual act, you should also be concerned with your enjoyment and your climax. Which follows that she should be concerned with the same. It needs to be a balance. It sounds a little one sided at this point. It could cause some issue later on in the relationship.

My two cents.