[huno]

Hi,

I've been going on okcupid and plentyoffish and sometimes get responses to my messages... I'm wondering how soon is too soon to ask to meet someone in person? My experience has been that people stop responding to my messages after 3 or 4 mails... so I want to ask for a number or a casual date early on.

Anyone have any experience with that?

[Jlesnik33]

I would wait at least a good month, exchanging numbers, and getting toknow each other on the phone can make a good choice weather that's the person you want to meet, or if there fishy and its no good. Even ask the person you are talking to, when they feel comfortable meeting in person, that way you both are on the same page. Also gives conversation, like oh we can go to red lobster, oh I love shell fish... and so forth.

I hope this helped.

[Devorameira]

I'd say that you should at least have one telephone conversation in addition to your emails to get a real feel for the person you're dealing with.

There isn't any hard and fast rules for when to meet, so ask to meet whenever you feel comfortable enough.

[Clough]

Hi, huno!

Are there ways on those sites, to privately exchange contact information, please?

Thanks!

[Shadowburn]

You should meet as soon as possible - that's the rule of online dating - once you've chatted some via email or IM and still interested - meaning person is not wacko or something - then exchange numbers and schedule a meeting in person. Firstly, you don't want to develop bond with someone you're totally not attracted to in person, secondly, online dating sites meant just as a way of connection. Most likely that's why you're stopping getting responses after 3-4 emails - that's too long, and your penplas are being asked out on dates already while you're still emailing. Good luck and have fun!

[Fr_Chuck]

Always use a email address that you only use for dating, so that it can not be traced back to you, not something using your real names. And don't give too much info in the first till you find out more.

You decide to date in real life, when you want to, if the other person is not happy with that, that is there issue.

It is a way of meeting, if someone meet you at the store and asked you for coffee, would you go ? That is how dating used to work. Or at least they ask you to call after meeting once.

I have dated people after a few emails, well meet at public place for coffee or a snack

[talaniman]

ASAP, why wait to see what's going on??

[Jake2008]

You at least have to know their full name, where he/she lives (city), what kind of work they do, and whether he/she is separated or divorced.

Hopefully you know much more than essential information after correspondence.

I would ask for a phone number if things are going well, and call to chat. If that goes well, ask about the possibility of a coffee date. No drinks, no dinner, something easy that you can get out of if things don't go well.

Meet at a local coffee shop during mid afternoon or early evening when you are sure there will be other patrons around.

Make sure that you have a friend 'happen' by, or a friend to sit in their car in the parking lot at a predetermined spot. I have done this for a friend who does the online dating thing.

Keep the coffee date short and sweet and don't wear out your welcome. Agree if appropriate to meet again soon. Send an email to thank the person, and then wait to see what kind of response (if any) you get.

Just be careful, there are plenty of predators and scammers out there.

[huno]

Awesome answers... you all make great points but it seems there are two camps: the "wait a good while before you meet" side and the "get off emailing ASAP" side...

In a way I kind of like the "get off emailing ASAP" logic, particularly because I feel like most people get tired of emails pretty quickly... so I'd rather try and get face time as soon as I can.

Thanks, everyone, for the help! I do love this site. It's like an instruction manual for life. :-)

[talaniman]

Pay at this window, LOL!! Good luck whatever you decide.

[ZoeMarie]

You definitely don't want to get stuck being online bf/gf. You can't have a real relationship with someone you haven't actually met. My husband and I talked online for a week or so before we met. Then we went to steak n shake after I got off work one day. I'm sure you know this, but you should always meet in a public place.

[friend4u178]

I would say ASAP , connection is the whole purpose of sites like these , and generally you'd be connecting with more than one person and so would they.

So if you procrastinate for too long once that connections been made , someone else could be taking her out.

[I wish]

I'm going to take a different approach.

To me, it won't matter whether you ask for it sooner or later. If she wants to give you her number or email, she will do it.

Furthermore, some girls prefer the direct approach and don't mind you asking straight up, right away. Other girls might prefer that you send a few messages before you ask.

The cautious approach would be to take it slow. Think about it this way too, if she continues to respond to your messages, then that's a pretty good sign that she's willing to give you her contact information eventually. If you rush, you might look to eager to some girls and push them away right away.