[matt1231]

So I was having a fling with a girl at work. We really hit if off well, and this was not just my own opinion speaking... anyway she decided that she wanted to try seeing her ex boyfriend again. At first she didn't tell me but when I felt space growing between us I asked if there was something wrong. She told me the situation with her ex. Knowing my failures of past, I told her I thought that was okay and that she should do whatever makes her happy. I told her I thought she was great etc and that I hoped she would just let me know... she was happy with my response and the last correspondance was positive...

I recognize she's asking for space... and I've given it to her, initiated MUCH less contact, but I work with her. Lately she initiates maybe 5%.

My question is: How should I act around her? At work...
I don't want to be act bitter- but should I act like I totally don't care?
If I'm too friendly, perhaps she'll not show interest

She hot as heck and I just want to jumpstart this fling again... I would date her or even be her boyfriend if things improved... but communication has dwindled which makes it harder to make my argument

I'd like to say that I can just "not change" my behavior but I'm finding it hard...
Any suggestions?

[Lucky098]

She might be back with her ex boyfriend.

She might be trying to work things out with him and doesn't want any distractions.

She may have tried to get back with her ex boyfriend, but was turned down and is now a bit depressed because of it.

I would suggest to keep your distance. Be there if she wants to talk to you. Be civil. Be professional while at work, even though I know its hard when you have feelings for someone.. But it will definitely prove that you're mature about her choice.

Quite honestly, someone who shows interest, then all of a sudden drops you due to an ex boyfriend was never really into you in the first place. You were either a rebound or literally just a fling.

Good luck

[elizaxfools]

I'd just like to say that you at least knew it was a fling and nothing serious. And to be honest, you were just a rebound for her to maybe realize how much she misses her ex. Us women do it all the time. We don't know what we had until it's gone.

Talking to her less is a good way to start things out after a "fling."

But as for how you should act around her at work is another thing. Don't give her the benefit of the doubt that you still care, or even if you don't. Act in a professional manner as if nothing has ever happened. Don't be bitter towards her for choosing an ex boyfriend over you.
Being a woman, I would think you were weak.

Get out more.
Meet other people.
There's other women out there that just might be looking for a fling, too. Don't get strung on just having a fling with her.

Change is something that we have to deal with on a daily basis. If someone doesn't show the same interest that they had before and it was nothing serious, it's time to move on.

You be the one to take that first step.

Everything will work itself out in the end. It always does.

[Ash123]

I would honestly focus on work and not really worry about her. It's the workplace... so, you have plenty of reasons to be busy. How to act?
Busy. Busy and unavailable. She is like a pinball... fire her elsewhere.
She cheated on you and wants you to validate her so she doesn't feel guilty.
Don't stress. Girls love a guy they can't get that has other things going on.
Even if not her, it may be someone else.

[Jake2008]

When you enter into a fling with somebody, it is not something you would, or should, have expected to go anywhere.

And it didn't.

Because it is meaningless, try not to put more importance in it than is realistic. It wasn't a relationship.

If you try to realize how little importance it really has, you would feel less inclined to worry about how to act afterwards. Nothing required.

Carry on as usual. If at some point in the future she is available again, perhaps something can work out that will be more meaningful between you. But, until that happens, she has her boyfriend back, and that's the end of it.

[talaniman]

The fling is over so now she is just a work colleague. Friendly, polite, and unavailable is how you act, and be mature. Not like some horn dog who wants more fling!

Talaniman Rules- Run, don't walk, away from any romance in the place that you are employed.

You are a case in point as to why this rule should be followed, and obeyed because things get complicated by co workers who are sex buddies, then it changes.

[Romefalls19]

She is just someone you work with, no longer a fling or anything of the sort. You both had fun, she had enough of it and decided to pursue different avenues. It's life, let it go

[Ash123]

NEVER let your self-esteem suffer if a partner wants something else.
If you were a good guy and a good person, it is ALL her issue. You win.
I know that makes no sense. But trust me. Anyone who is not fair in
Relationships will not turn into a functional saint. Focus on work. And be normal and brief around her...

[Devorameira]

Everyone has given you some great advice.

My guess would be that she's back with the ex and just doesn't want to act too friendly toward you because she doesn't want to give you false hope.

Since it was just a meaningless "fling", you just need to go back to treating her as a co-worker and then find someone else.

[matt1231]

Thanks guys - we work in a party type atmosphere so everyone is having fun and its not so professional. Its pretty easy going there--- Anyway I hate these things because it seems I could peacock and demonstrate why I'm the better guy. Not just give up... I'm the determined type that usually gets what I want so I'm simply pissy and agro :P but I know NC so ill just be brief with her and not text her any more. She wants to be friends but the brief thing thus far has just been irritating. >I< called it a fling so don't think that I think of it as any more than that... not one of a kind-- but its one of the good ones that you don't want to lose. Anyway thanks again

[Devorameira]

You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Good luck with the limited contact.