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MMSR01 · May 13, 2010, 10:27 AM

I'm 19 still a virgin. I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months, I know him since last year when we met in s Psychology class. He is very experienced when it comes to sex. He has fingered me and I've been giving him hand jobs but that's it. Last time I saw him, we took a shower together. He wants to have sex with me really, really bad. He wants to take mi virginity and I want him to be the one. I don't want him to go away just because I'm scared of having sex. I told him from the beginning that I wasn't ready to have sex yet, and he said he didn't care about that. But every time we see each other we start playing and end up undressed and in bed. He wants me to give him head, but I've never done that so it makes me really nervous to even think about it. I really want him, I don't want him to go away just because I'm so inexperienced. What should I do??

I think I'm ready, but every time we are trying to do it I get freaked out and can't relax. I end up killing the passion. What can I do?

Synnen · May 13, 2010, 10:30 AM

If he goes away because you're inexperienced, is he really worth it?

Secondly--you've only been dating for less than TWO MONTHS!

What do you do? Keep your legs crossed and work out other ways to have fun.

You don't know this guy well enough to know if you want to be attached to him for the rest of your life--and a pregnancy would do that. You don't know if he'd run if you got pregnant, and you don't know him well enough to know what diseases he may or may not have!

How about slowing down? How about TALKING about expectations in bed? How about telling him your fears?

If you can't talk about sex with someone, then you DEFINITELY shouldn't be having sex with that person.

Alty · May 13, 2010, 10:33 AM

If you're not ready then you're not ready and he either respects that or he's not worth your time.

Tell him that you're not comfortable taking this step right now, that you care about him, you're curious, but this is a huge step and you need time.

If he's a keeper he'll stick around. If he leaves, then better to find out what kind of guy he is now.

If you're thinking that this may happen sooner rather then later, talk to your doctor about birth control. It's better to be prepared and have nothing happen, then to be unprepared and have a moment of passion carry you away.

Motherhood is forever, so take the necessary precautions and remember, no form of birth control is 100% and no form of protection is 100% safe to prevent STD's. If he's experienced, then take all precautions. It's up to you to protect yourself and be informed of the possible consequences.

Good luck.

Synnen · May 13, 2010, 10:41 AM

I'd like to add here: If you think he might leave just because you are inexperienced---how fast will he run out the door when you get pregnant?

And PLEASE don't give me the lines about birth control. I was using THREE forms of birth control correctly--and got pregnant my second time having sex.

Alty · May 13, 2010, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

I'd like to add here: If you think he might leave just because you are inexperienced---how fast will he run out the door when you get pregnant?

And PLEASE don't give me the lines about birth control. I was using THREE forms of birth control correctly--and got pregnant my second time having sex.

Exactly. He'd be out the door so fast he'd be a blur.

Of course he wants to have sex with the OP, most guys love to have a virgin as a notch on their bed post. If he really cares he'll wait and he'll stick around.

I can understand the OP being curious, but the fact that she says she's not ready makes me wonder how much pressure this guy is putting on her to give it up.

Synn, being on birth control is still better then not using any. It can lower the chances of pregnancy, but you're right, there's always the chance of getting pregnant even if you use every form of birth control out there at the same time. That's why I told the OP to educate herself. Better safer (not safe) then sorry. :)

Jake2008 · May 13, 2010, 11:48 AM

You are undressed, in bed together, having showers, and doing everything but intercourse.

So, somehow you think not having intercourse makes the 'other' sex okay? What you are really doing is foreplay, and stopping the train before it reaches the station. But it is all part of having sex.

A very unusual game to play I must say. Your boyfriend has had sex with you, don't kid yourself. And you have let him. Short of intercourse of course. In my opinion, that is a very tenuous position to be in. Having sex, but being virtuous about keeping your virginity because you haven't actually had intercourse.

Why your definition of being a virgin excludes being naked with your boyfriend, in bed, doing handjobs and getting fingered, etc. is really a stretch in my opinion.

If you are doing what you are doing to keep him interested, he will get tired of what you're giving up so far, and will want more, and expect more. If you give more to keep a boyfriend, then you have compromised far too much of yourself, and are usuing your sexuality to keep him. Not a great idea, although it has been used for centuries.

There used to be a name for girls who did that...

And you have to consider the fact that it will happen, and I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. Is he begging yet? Unless you are prepared to provide for a baby- financially, emotionally and otherwise, keep your clothes on.

Mommy102808 · May 18, 2010, 08:37 PM

If you are not ready to have sex you shouldn't be pressuring yourself into doing it. When you are ready then you won't be freaked out, everything will come natural to you.

CravenMorhead · May 19, 2010, 06:45 AM

The question is, why do you get freaked out? Is it the idea of having sex? The fear that it'll hurt? The fear that you'll suck? Or the daunting level of experience that he has compared to yourself?

Just go as far as your comfortable. You don't need to have sex if you don't want to. Mutual masturbation is fine if that is all you're comfortable with. Don't be pressured into putting out with him.

Synnen · May 19, 2010, 07:50 AM

If you freak out, you're not ready. Period.

How about slowing down, and backing off the idea of having sex for now?

talaniman · May 19, 2010, 08:40 AM

As a guy, I can tell you that you should slow, down, and get your head around the idea that all that sex your having is only him taking advantage of you. Yes you are having sex, just not having intercourse, but you are getting the joys, and pleasure from the LUST of it, and he will not leave because of your inexperience, but keep pressing physically, as all he has been doing is bring you closer to what he wants until you do give in, and after two months, you better figure its much to soon to be doing what your doing. Playing with sex.

The chances he leaves after he gets what he wants is greater than him leaving because of your inexperience, because he is teaching you, but for his own purpose.

Now if you were to slow down and wait, and get to know him, you would be able to tell if he is just after the use of your body, or truly cares about you, and then you would know if he deserves you, or not. But the path your on will only result in you having sex, and him enjoying it, and leaving.

Get to know the guy, so your first time will be a pleasure you remember, and not the start of a long miserable emotional lesson in life.

Listen to the ladies who tell you to be very prepared, not just with pregnancy, but with disease, as he is so experienced.

Protect yourself, because he won't, or can't, and any guy wants to take the virginity of a female, and most will do, and say, anything to get it. That's just what guys do, and while the girls in love, the guy is not.

So don't confuse lust, and love, as I can tell you, its all about the lust, and if you hold back on it now, he will leave if he doesn't care, and respect you if he does.

What's the hurry to give it away? There is plenty of time to when you're really ready, and right now, you are not, so quit playing with fire, until you have the knowledge, to avoid getting burned.

Just because you're inexperienced, doesn't mean you have to be dumb too, does it?

MMSR01 · May 19, 2010, 07:46 PM

QUOTE by CravenMorhead;
The question is, why do you get freaked out? Is it the idea of having sex? The fear that it'll hurt? The fear that you'll suck? Or the daunting level of experience that he has compared to yourself?

Well, the idea of having sex in general freaks me out, but the fear that it'll hurt makes me back up. He is very sweet and when I say its time to stop he stops right away because he doesn't want to force me to do anything. But I know I'll SUCK...
:(

Synnen · May 19, 2010, 08:11 PM

If you're really not completely into the moment, you are not ready.

When you are ready, you won't suck.

SimpleguyJoe · May 25, 2010, 12:27 AM

Maybe you should back off the physical portion of your relationship and start doing normal couple things with this guy. See how he works as a mental fit. Spend more time talking and getting to know him and less time getting to know his anatomy.

If you pull through and spend a good few months getting to really know the guy you won't be terrified of the idea of sex, it will be quite the opposite. Because as it is your fear is stemming from the unknown, he's the unknown, take that away and you should be a o.k.

Also about the lack of faith in yourself in bed, will you suck? Possibly... But just like learning to ride a horse or how to shoot a gun with precision, time and practice and you will be an expert in no time.