[Aliera_Andersen]

Hello,
My ex and I have joint custody of our two children with me having primary. My son under pressure from his father decided to go live with him when he was 9. My ex then moved to another state and took my son with him. We have never amended our original parenting plan because I want my son to come home. My ex will not let my son return. What are my rights as his mother and primary parent? I have not been the one that my son has lived with for the last couple years, so does that mean I have given up any rights to have him move home? Are we as parents allowed to do whatever we'd like to the parenting plans without going through the courts, as my ex tends to believe? What would be my first step to fixing this?

Thank you for your time.
KA

[JudyKayTee]

Is your "ex" your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend?

You need to go back to Court - or go to Court - and file a petition for custody and/or visitation. The Court will interview all parties and determine what is best for the child.

I trust you have been paying support over the years?

You are foolish to make arrangements out the Court because those arrangements cannot be enforced.

[Fr_Chuck]

The trouble here, is although the original order is in force, you gave up the child to live out of state with the child's father who has joint custody.

You will have to go back to court and prove why your original order should be honored and he will argue why he should be given primary custody, you allowing him to be there for 2 years will hurt your case

Also the judge will most likely talk to the child and see what the child wants. /also most likely since you live in separate states, they will not allow joint any longer,

[Aliera_Andersen]

Is your "ex" your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend?

You need to go back to Court - or go to Court - and file a petition for custody and/or visitation. The Court will interview all parties and determine what is best for the child.

I trust you have been paying support over the years?

You are foolish to make arrangements out the Court because those arrangements cannot be enforced.

My "ex" is my ex-husband. I have one child and my husband has the other. He was ordered to pay child support and never did. According to our CSED he owes me in the tens of thousands. I was never ordered to pay child support and when my son went to live with my ex-husband I considered it a draw because we each had a child.

I think I was foolish to let him bully me into a position like this. He used my son to force me to let it happen. I wanted to make my son happy instead of doing what I knew was right. My son wants to come home, but now his dad says he can't. I was stupid to think that my ex would honor my sons choices even if they went against what he ( my ex ) wanted.

[AK lawyer]

My "ex" is my ex-husband. I have one child and my husband has the other. He was ordered to pay child support and never did. According to our CSED he owes me in the tens of thousands. ...

So this "parenting plan" was incorporated by reference into the divorce decree? If so, he may be in contempt of court.

[Aliera_Andersen]

So this "parenting plan" was incorporated by reference into the divorce decree? If so, he may be in contempt of court.

Yes, the parenting plan is a part of our divorce decree. He believes that we can change it on our own, that we don't need to have it changed in a court to be binding. I wanted to know if this is true. I always thought it wasn't.

[ScottGem]

You can change the plan TOGETHER. But that means you BOTH have to agree, He can't change the court ordered plan just on his own. You should get a lawyer and take him to court for contempt for changing the parenting plan.

[stinawords]

You should get a lawyer on this one. While, it is true that the court would have to change the order not just one parent or the other, you let him go a couple years ago. That won't look good on your part. I'm not saying that you won't win but the fact that you didn't fight it from the beginning is going to make it harder. I am surprised the father didn't go to court when he first got the child to have to order modified and the support order modified as well.

[ScottGem]

I agree that not pursuing things immediately will work against you. That's why you need a lawyer to deal with that in the best light. But the fact still remains that your ex willfully violated a court order and that may balance your lack of action.

[Aliera_Andersen]

You should get a lawyer on this one. While, it is true that the court would have to change the order not just one parent or the other, you let him go a couple years ago. That won't look good on your part. I'm not saying that you won't win but the fact that you didn't fight it from the beginning is going to make it harder. I am surprised the father didn't go to court when he first got the child to have to order modified and the support order modified as well.

He didn't go to have it officially modified because he was counting on his ability to intimidate me into whatever he wants, and he knows he won't have the same effect on a judge. The reason I didn't fight it from the beginning is because of my fear of him, which is my own fault and I will take responsibility for not standing up to him when it comes to that.

[JudyKayTee]

I"m curious to see how this works out - I see an argument that the OP consented to this new arrangement which was, basically, "ex" becomes custodial parent of one child, OP the other, "ex" no longer pays child support, OP doesn't pay child support for the child with "ex" and both accept and live with those terms for a period of time.

Both understood the agreement, lived by it, benefited from it.

I think a convincing argument can be made that "ex" is not in contempt - parties, of course, did not go back to Court BUT accepted and lived under this new arrangement (a better word than agreement).

Would love to hear the legal arguments on this -

[stinawords]

I'm with Judy on this one. It is true that the original order was not followed but both parties went along with the new terms. It is going to come down to what the judge decides and I will be very interested to find out what that is.