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    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #21

    Jan 26, 2010, 12:34 PM
    Without even looking at your older posts...

    If you have to work hard at "Fixing" problems with a relationship. Then you don't have a relationship worth getting married over. Particullarly right after you "Fixed what was wrong", You don't "FIX" people... nor do you change them... they will go back into old habits eventually.

    And likely that's what's going through his head as well.

    THere are several types of girls... (from a guys perspective)

    Those you'd never want to date.

    Those you want to sleep with but never take home to mom..

    Those you would date and take home to mom... are fun to be with but not really wife material.

    Then there are those that you know you want to spend your life with.


    Doesn't matter what YOU think about him... which do think he he considers you?
    degoqueen's Avatar
    degoqueen Posts: 58, Reputation: 2
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    #22

    Jan 26, 2010, 12:38 PM

    Well he doesn't know anything about the other posts or whatever, I am a faithful girl, I never cheated on him, and this little thing was only a fling but it the long run, my boyfriend was much better fit, he asked a girl to marry him before and she said no, but he was only 21 at that time, so he thinks he was just young and didn't know any better, I think that rejection has an effect on what he thinks about marriage now
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #23

    Jan 26, 2010, 01:14 PM
    I doubt it... about the rejection, particularly 4 years later.

    What I mean is while YOU appear to be in a rush to get married... its clear HE isn't.

    He doesn't need a reason NOT to be in the marrying mood... you do however have to have all the right reasons TO get married. Otherwise its an impulse and impluse decisions are never good decisions.

    And when the time is right you will both be in that frame of mind, and would be for some period. I recommend several years... because if you fear it can't wait... a wedding ring isn't going to change anything.
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
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    #24

    Jan 26, 2010, 01:59 PM
    Well, the way you've got your lives set up--getting married isn't a priority, but instead is just another legal document. There's a reason cohabiting just doesn't work, and you've found it out--because living together and all that is what gives men the incentive to ask a woman to marry him. Since you're already living with him, caring for the home, sleeping with him, fixing his meals, etc., etc., etc., then there's little incentive for him to want to marry you, since you're already living as husband and wife.

    You're going to have to continue to have this discussion with him. It will eventually end, in one of 3 ways.

    1 - you guys get married.

    2 - you never marry, but stay together

    3 - he continues saying he won't marry you, you decide that's simply not good enough for you, and you leave him.

    --------------------------

    One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #25

    Jan 26, 2010, 03:37 PM
    Your previous post is solved?

    I find this odd,only yesterday you were choosing between two guys,preferring the ex,who is about to marry the mother of his child and today you are very much in love with your boyfriend of 2.5years and want to marry him?

    I suggest you seriously think about whether you should be in a relationship at all.

    It seems you go from one extreme to another.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #26

    Jan 26, 2010, 03:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by degoqueen View Post
    My previous posts are solved, and i have fixed that other situation.
    - I am with my bf for 2.5 years, and am now living with him in a new city, im happy with him and love him very much, i want to know if my relationship is going somewhere, when i asked him he said he doesnt know and wants to live it day by day, i dont want to be married right this second but want to know if it might lead that way someday, hes 26 and im 21, i know im young still and dont plan on being married til im like 25. why doesnt he think about us like that?? should i be concerned
    I am not buying the first line of this post because of yesterday's question (If it were a month ago, I might believe you, but less than 24 hours is not enough time to be certain):

    Quote Originally Posted by degoqueen View Post
    So basically i love my boyfriend alot!!!! and i am talking to this other guy that was dating before when i was younger, it seems like me and him get along so well and the only problem is that hes getting married but doesnt want to be with her, he has a son with her, hes of a different race and my father is very old school. i always had feelings for this other guy and i would have to move back home to be near him.. idk what to do
    And the second post in that thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by degoqueen View Post
    he does want to be with me as well, we get along better than me and my bf do and his gf and him do..
    For some reason I don't think you are as clear in your mind as to what you want as you want to believe or want others to believe.

    I think you may be wanting him to jump on the 'marriage' bandwagon to help you make up your mind. That won't work for either of you. You may not have physically cheated, but I am not so sure that you didn't cross the line emotionally.

    You are 21 and acting like you have to have your entire romantic life mapped out three days ago. Give yourself time to know that this is the person you really and truly want to be with that he isn't the one you are fixating on because he is in your bed right now.

    Don't try to convince yourself that this is your 'soul mate' because you are afraid of being alone. That isn't fair to either one of you. This advice has nothing to do with the ex. Whether he gets married or not is his business. You should not make any decisions in your life based on his.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #27

    Jan 26, 2010, 04:01 PM

    So let me get this straight.

    Yesterday you weren't sure who you were going to choose. Today you want to marry your boyfriend.

    Did you forget to take your meds?

    The issues you have aren't solved in one day and you don't jump from the frying pan into the fire unless you have serious issues.

    I think it's time you were alone for a while.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #28

    Jan 27, 2010, 06:25 AM
    You're 21. Why are you so desperate to get married?

    Your Bf has the right attitude - he's waiting until he feels ready, and he's being honest with you.

    You made the choice to move to another city to be with him. If you're happy and in love, enjoy it. It doesn't have to lead to marriage.
    degoqueen's Avatar
    degoqueen Posts: 58, Reputation: 2
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    #29

    Feb 4, 2010, 11:32 AM
    Should I be single?
    Threads merged

    Ive been with my boyfriend for over 2.5 years now, and I love him to death, and I was sure I wanted to be with him forever but now its like ever since I've been having such a big social life of being 21 I kind of want to be like yea I'm single and have people buy me a drink, my boyfriend doesn't go to the bars with me or anything, I don't cheat I just don't know if maybe this is just a phase that will pass or do I really not want to be with him
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #30

    Feb 4, 2010, 11:38 AM

    You've been contemplating this break up for a while now. If you have so many problems, work it out. Otherwise, go your separate ways.

    You can have a lot of history in 2.5 years, so it's not easy to let go. But forcing yourselves to stay together when you're not compatible is not healthy either.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #31

    Feb 5, 2010, 09:34 AM

    Your all over the place and don't know what you really want, or how to get it. A sure indication of you may need to be single, and find yourself.

    I thinks its normal to be young, and not know exactly what you need to do to be happy.

    Its also normal to enjoy your youth, and try to have a great time growing and learning.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #32

    Feb 5, 2010, 01:55 PM
    'Forever' is along time when you're 21.

    Stop projecting about what you want in the future and enjoy the present.

    If you're uncertain that's normal. You don't need to be in a relationship and the only way to find what you want in life is to go out an experience it.
    degoqueen's Avatar
    degoqueen Posts: 58, Reputation: 2
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    #33

    Feb 23, 2010, 08:55 AM
    Date night ideas
    Threads merged

    My boyfriend has been away for a few days at his parents house, & I'm out every weekend with my friends downtown, and he can never go because he always has class and stuff, so I asked him if he wants to have a night with me and he said yes, the problem is... right now there are no movies he wants to see. We go out to dinner not a lot but enough, so I don't know what else we can do together
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
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    #34

    Feb 23, 2010, 10:35 AM

    There are TONS of things you can do together, that aren't just fun, but they're also free (not sex ;))

    -go on a picnic
    -take a walk
    -make dinner together
    -play video games together, or rent a movie.

    OR: you could ask him what he wants to do, and discuss it, just between the two of you..
    degoqueen's Avatar
    degoqueen Posts: 58, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #35

    Feb 23, 2010, 10:37 AM

    Like we always watch TV & stuff, and cook, like I want to do something different.. like its wintry here. We are getting snow right now.. so walking or a picnic isn't always a good idea
    degoqueen's Avatar
    degoqueen Posts: 58, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #36

    May 10, 2010, 09:49 AM
    I thought I would be okay
    Threads merged

    Me and my boyfriend of 3 years live together and we broke up, I can't afford to live on my own and my friend wants too much money from me but besides that.. I thought I was doing okay, I got back to the dating scene and everything but no one appeals to me. No one can make me laugh like my ex can, and I get so much happier being with him. He wants to see other people but all I want is to be with him. Well I guess I'm still heart broken. He still is like good to me, he makes me dinner & he acts like he's my boyfriend ( just isn't affectionate )... I don't know how to go about getting over him. I love him so much :(
    Imabadman's Avatar
    Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 135
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    #37

    May 10, 2010, 10:16 AM

    As long as you keep hanging around with him and living the fantasy you'll continue down this path of frustration and heartache.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #38

    May 10, 2010, 10:36 AM

    First to get over him, you have to get away from him. How do you expect to get better when the person causing the pain, you keep around?
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #39

    May 10, 2010, 11:40 AM

    I have to agree. You need your distance from him and the past relationship. You can't really heal while you still have ties to him.
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #40

    May 10, 2010, 12:24 PM

    You need to move out of the living arrangements in order for you to actually move on.

    No one would be able to get over an ex while still living with them. Its impossible. Your mind just simply won't allow it.

    Can't you move back home with your parents? Or at least can they help you out for a bit?

    You never broke up with him. The intimacy may be gone.. but you've now entered the pathetic friend zone. Hes your friend. Yes he still cares for you. You two spent 3 years together. Even a relationship that ends on a bad note still has a flicker. Problem is, that flicker just doesn't have enough fuel to ignite.

    You need to move out. The feelings will go away once he is completely out of your life. Right now, you're torturing yourself. Stop digging the knife deeper and get out.

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