[sallyberry]

I just broke up with a guy that I was dating for almost 3 years.
We were engage after 6 months but I was confuse for a marriage as I'm scared as I still talking with my ex at that time. I cheated on him once after with my ex that I leave him to be with my fiancé at that time.. I can't keep a lie so, we always argue and little things make me upset, until one day I said to myself.. if I want to be with this guy I have to be honest with him. So, I told him. We broke up for almost 3 months then we get back together.. we were great at that time and we talk again about getting married.. we discuss about how its going to be.. until I asked me to change my enggagement ring as I want to have it as a symbol of our new life being together. At first, he said OK, but then he change his mind and he told me he no longer want to get married.
But we still seeing each other.. but its all turn up mess.. I keep crying for small little problem, he got upset. And I get paranoid and I always asked if he have someonelse.
He fight and we became worst of each other. We said then to take some times off from each other.. and its only be a month he all ready seeing someone else. I cried and I beg him to come back.. but he said no and he said he don't love me anymore and we can still be friends one day when I'm OK. He said he likes this girl and maybe he will be seeing her seriously. He said, there is no chance for us and maybe someday, I will meet someone and I will not treat him like this. I am so sad.. I can't go to work, I have no confident and I feel my life just stop. I love him so much and I hope he will change his mind. Please help me.. do you think we will get back together someday? He is the love of my life. He cried for me before... and now I cried for him.. karma serve me.. but is there any slightly chance that we will be back together again? What should I do?

[Larken85]

I don't think its happening. Move on and move forward. Mostly, it was hard to read all that so please try using better or proper english when posting here.

He has another girl, he is moving on and that is just what you need to be doing. Get moving on.

[Gemini54]

Look back at what you've written and ask yourself what was really happening in this relationship... there was uncertainty, arguments, infidelity and doubts. A lot of things that are really hard to deal with even in the strongest relationships.

I think what's happened is you couldn't let go of your ex, and the cheating probably put the first nail in the coffin, introducing doubt and distrust.

You then decided to be in the relationship, but he changed his mind because he didn't trust you and more importantly was concerned about your behavior. It's difficult to make an effort and to commit to marriage if there are constant arguments and your GF is paranoid.

I think he's gone. The best thing you can do is understand that the things we do often come back to haunt us, and next time, treat the 'love of your life' as you would wish to be treated.

It's hard and it's painful to know that he's with someone else, but your life won't stop and the best thing that you can do is go to work and take your mind off your problems.

The pain and distress will pass and your confidence will return, but remember that he's given you a gift - the knowledge that you need to treat your BF's like you would like to be treated in return. You're right, it is called karma.

[sallyberry]

Thank you so much for the reply..

Yes, english is not my first language and it make it even harder to write when my mind is everywhere.. sorry.

I know deep down its not going to work. We should just broke up long ago so I can be better at myself first then having a crazy head when I am with this great person. And now.. it just too late.

Why did I realize when its too late?

He is with someone now and I hope he's happy. He is a good man and he deserve to be treated way better that I did.

I learned.

He will always be my best friend and the person who gave me a great gift to my life- a lesson to learn.

Thank you.

[Cat1864]

One thing that strikes me from your story is that both of you seem to get into relationships very quickly.

Take some time to heal and find yourself. I think you will do better in the future if you take a bit of time remembering who you are before getting involved with someone else. Learning to like yourself and to be more confident in what you want will make you a much stronger person which, in turn, will help you be a stronger partner.

[artlady]

I agree with Cat1864,take time to get to know yourself and be content as a single person.

Only then will you be able to be in a healthy relationship based on desire and not *need*.

You can't be so needy that you jump from person to person.

Bottom line is that you can not make someone love you and it is clear that he has moved on.You need to accept this and begin the healing process.

[sallyberry]

Threads merged



Its been 1 month plus that I broke up with my ex boyfriend. I can say that I did pretty well in recovery until last week, I received a text from him saying that he was sorry. I did not reply to his text. Then, when I met my work mate, he told me that he met my ex and my ex told him all about our relationship and why he broke up with me and all.. basically he makes me look bad/worst in the eyes of my work mate. I am so sad. I am more sad of what he said about me then the break up itself. He already with another girl now, so why he keeps hurting me? I never talk about him that way. He said in his text that he hope I will forgive him and he did that because he was angry. And he still am. Why he has to be angry? He is the one with a girl now.


Then, I went on my friend's Facebook to look at his profile (which I stop doing it a month ago because of the No Contact). I found out that he is Facebook friend with my aunt that I don't like and not talking to. I feel betrayed by him and my aunt. My grandma told me that they (my aunt and my ex) still talking and email each other.
I do not want to call my aunt because she is the most horible person that I ever known. She once (sending text to my ex when me and her fighting) involve in my relationship with my ex and the result that we had a huge fight. I stop talking to her for quite sometimes already and I have no intention to start over.

I want to move on, I need to move on.. but why when I starting to gain strength this happened to me. I hate my aunt and why my ex have to do this to me?

Help me.. what should I do? I still in no contact with my ex and my aunt. But I want this to end. I hate the idea that they are friends now.

[liz28]

You need to go back to what you were doing before you receive that text from your ex. You need to not worry about what your ex is saying about you because sometimes people will spread bad things about someone just to hurt them. This is just life.

When people say things about me that aren't true I just laugh and it run off me like water. I learnt not to sweat the small stuff that doesn't matter anymore and not to dwell on "the why would he or she say that". Some people are just unhappy with themselves or get their jollies off why making other people unhappy.

The point is he is your ex so lets just leave it that way. He won't be the last ex who spreading lies on their ex to make themselve look good. Also, I am sorry to hear about your aunt but sometimes your worst enemy could be a family member.

[talaniman]

Notice how well you were doing before you got that text from him? That's what opened the old wounds, and the feelings that come with them. So of course you should have ignored and deleted it, and stayed off his Facebook, as that lead to even more feelings, and taking with his friend, just added more pain to the old wounds.

You know the drill, get back to NO Contact, and enjoy doing your thing, until this emotional storm has passed, and dwell no more.

Time will make it better.