[ananan2]

For past 1 1/2 year, my wife of 27 age was not working (I am 32 age), we got married 1 1/2 years before and we haven't had a real sex life as what seems normal for a human being and my personal appetite for sex which would be not least than 2-3 times a week. She has never voluntarily come forward or shown any signs of urge for sex in this 1 1/2 years. I can still claim to be virgin, pretty much as I have just tried to insert and she had refrained from doing so a lot of time. Even we went to a gynac. The lady doctor inserted 2 finger and told her that it is her fear and pressure not pain. However she always finds me to accuse. On occasion, the times we have tried I always toldl her to guide my penis and she herself does not know, she refrains from being kinky, I feel she would refrain from holding my penis while inserting. She has a lot of negatives when we try to do it. I feel she has hell lot of mis conception about sex.

One time she omitted when I told her to hold my penis and I try to masturbate as that attempt was also lost into failure. So I thought she would at least help me masturbate and get ejaculation. On ejaculation, she felt omitting. I am frustrated with dealing the problem she has in every bit things we try. It is not as if She is having oral sex. It been 1 1/2 years the attempts or occasion of trying are getting less and months are passing by with 6 days each month on mensuration. I have started to feel that she believe that sex can be evaded so she can escape her rest days and then 6 day she can be carefree.

However, my wife on the other hand supposedly display very less interest in sexual activity. Yesterday she said she was feeling awkward to initiate the sex probably thinking it seems desperate or inappropriate. It is not her priority or she doesn't like getting excited and feels overwhelmed during the sexual foreplay it self and usually says I am not intending to do the intercourse. But I try to make her understand that It is not ON and OFF thing for me to do intercourse.

She has recently from past 3 months acquired a job in customer service and obtained a cell from company. Initially she was understated by one of her immediate senior as useless. However, the senior has left on leave for a month and my wife has handled things well. Her work is the deal with technician for after sales pending services and to recover as much backlog each month not that they have a target but she herself shows commitments.

In the 3 months of her tenure, initially she refrained from speaking much to practically everyone including the technicians, however now she has opened up and deals with them the reason being she has done the similar job in a cellular telecommunication company earlier during her unmarried life for 3 years. During this this time she has always said she use to maintain distance with male colleague from flirting with her or having an funny business with her.

To brief a bit before coming to the point, She join the company in feb 2010 and made 2 lady friends with children and one without married for some time like 3-4 years and 1 male friend of her age who works as a IT guy there. Initially this was like a friendly chit chat and luch in the pantry everyday all together and everything was really speaking fine by me. Completely acceptable since she use to narrate things happening everyday and I use to be complete OK with it.

Just the 30 to 20 days back. During usual lunching, This IT guy all of a sudden, he told her, that yesterday he dreamt about her. At this she got furious and told him not to talk to him and she stopped talking to him, later in the evening she told this to me and I got so furious that I told her never to talk to this guy. After few day again, as things settle down they starts slowly chatting back over the common lunch this people use to have.

She told this to me, I wasn't OK with this as I thought then that this might give him privilege to talk further, but still I said It would be too harsh on her as she might require him for some work. It so happened that amid this in meantime she acquired a company cell phone. I warned her that do not let the office guys of the technicians who are suppose to work after working hours of the company let invade your privacy. Tell them at the beginning not to call you after 5:30 which are her official working hour or most after 6 PM. She did so however was not adhering to this as she by herself was of the opinion that she has to take the calls, not wondering this might go far if you entertain the guys, howsoever it may be official.

At one time I found her coming home ring bell at the same time office gossiping with this IT guy entering the home and still on the phone and then later telling him OK now she will cut the phone as she has reached home. At this I kept calm and one time randomly I raised the topic to let her hint that I didn't like him telling about that dream thing and it was not correct for her to call him or he to call. At this she told that she has stopped talking to him. I always use to find discrepancies in her talking about principles and following something else as to purposely offend me and not care.

In the next week to the above it so happened that she wanted to make a data bank of her contacts in the phone and it so happened that I checked her phone to find a lot of numbers. She herself told me that she has a job to call the technicians and co-ordinate with them to finish the after sales services. It was OK by me.

In middle of this, it so happened that I was asked to suddenly to go for a business trip to a neighboring country, which I tried hard to evade since she will be alone for 2 days and I was worried about her. On this We decided that she will not open the door for anyone and will not tell anyone about me going. We even brought our grocery well in advance. All she will do is go to job in the transport and come back. Just 2 days before I had to go for the business trip, she told me to take her personal prepaid cell along with me so that I can call her from the place and we can stay in touch.

I tried hard not to go but was forced to take the trip, during my stay, at night I felt so lonely and was remembering my wife and we exchanged calls 3 times each day. On second day, I had nothing to do and I was feeling lonely after the calls also. I started browsing her mobile to find call traces between this IT guys. She call 2 minutes then he calls 2 minutes and so on but still it was random and not so specifically evidence of any wrong doing but this hurt me a bit and provoked me in to finding the details.
Later when I came back from the trip I checked her call logs on her company phone to find
First day, I had my flight at 4:20 PM
4:22:00 PM - her Miss call
4:24:00 PM - 11:07 her call

Second day
his call 2:19:00 PM - 1:04 min
and then
her call 6:23:00 PM - 2:07 min
her call 6:28:00 PM - 6:08 min
her call 6:35:00 PM - 1:49 min
her call 6:54:00 PM - 2:55 min

Third day I came back no calls and then next day

11:02:00 PM his Miss call
11:49:00 PM his Miss call
3:38:00 PM his Miss call
5.09 PM his Miss call

I can't understand this, I was completely disturbed and felt betrayed and she wouldn't bother to tell me as she only thinks telling me means there will be a fight, but rather if she doesn't cross her limits in the beginning it would not occur is what she doesn't comprehend. All she has to give excuse is that she was talking official work about modifying the system to cater the requirements of the users. It sound way to artificial especially after the above.

That day I talked her into this and blasted at her for doing so. She said she will speak to this guy and will tell him not to talk. She did it as what she says. However ever from what happened above, I didn't feel trust in her. Back of my mind it was always she can slip away and call him and delete the calls or even talk on landlines and show as if nothing happened. Still I subdued my feeling.

In this following days she happens to take calls from the technician for feedback. They call like 4-5 calls everyday after working hours and she is interested in taking those calls. Even now the other department who was not involved got involved and rarely but surely the sales people started calling her as her present immediate boss sees her as potential, since other girls in the department are kept for miniscual job and act innocently as unaware of the procedures and evade responsibilities.

In mean time she told me that a young colleague of her sbruptly stopped coming to office and their HR dept was trying t contact him, but his cell was off. Just yesterday, the above and plus her strained job made me make few contacts and get a new job for her. I was in middle of this and when done talking to the new employer regarding the possibly, he said he will contact in 2-3 days. Immediately I called to tell her the good news at 10:30. She was busy, she said she will call back. 1 hr gone,2 then 3 ,4 and 5 hrs. I didn't get any call. I was very dejected at her. Finally a call came at 3: 30 PM which she usually makes a miss call to me and I call her back. I was so dejected that I didn't call her back. She didn't even bother to call back telling me that's she thought that I am in a meeting. She called me at her end of office hour while in the transport. I still didn't take the call. She came home, I told her that she didn't even have time to call during lunch hour or any single time to call. She regreted and cuddle me and said loving things. I felt good that's she cares at least to do thins much and later she didn't take any after hour calls and she satrted preparing food. All of a sudden she remembered this guy who left and told me that's she wanted to know what happned and wanted to gossip and immediately called him. It hit me that she is not going to change. I don't know why that's what I have been trying to know. Why is she not interested in the homely thing and gossiping and getting info of this guy is important. The place where she is hardly going to stay and I don't want her to stay amid all what has happened.

You will think I am thinking excessively, however, if you are in my place your heart would be beating hard, and every next momemt thinking what would be happening. I just want to know what makes her do things that usually a wife wouldn't do, like revolting back as if taking revenge or purposely ducking my feelings or rediculating my opinions.

Further more, our both parents are in talk about a child, she only nodes and agrees, but everyday she is not showing any inclination towards it. It is like we are of 50 age and had all our life sexual pleasure and need not talk about it as if we are done with it. If she would be eager for child or at least sex, she would coax me into which is never ever the case. In fact everday around 11 M, I try to get close to her and she has a opinion that All I want to do is foreplay and not intercourse. However she doesn't understand that I'm not ON and off machine that when you On it I can start with intercourse neither she is interested in knowing facts about it. Which makes me more angry and take the anger and suspicious towards her job.

I want to know her mentality.

[ananan2]

For past 1 1/2 year, my wife of 27 age was not working (I am 32 age), we got married 1 1/2 years before and we haven't had a real sex life as what seems normal for a human being and my personal appetite for sex which would be not least than 2-3 times a week. She has never voluntarily come forward or shown any signs of urge for sex in this 1 1/2 years. I can still claim to be virgin, pretty much as I have just tried to insert and she had refrained from doing so a lot of time. Even we went to a gynac. The lady doctor inserted 2 finger and told her that it is her fear and pressure not pain. However she always finds me to accuse. On occasion, the times we have tried I always toldl her to guide my penis and she herself does not know, she refrains from being kinky, I feel she would refrain from holding my penis while inserting. She has a lot of negatives when we try to do it. I feel she has hell lot of mis conception about sex.

One time she omitted when I told her to hold my penis and I try to masturbate as that attempt was also lost into failure. So I thought she would at least help me masturbate and get ejaculation. On ejaculation, she felt omitting. I am frustrated with dealing the problem she has in every bit things we try. It is not as if She is having oral sex. It been 1 1/2 years the attempts or occasion of trying are getting less and months are passing by with 6 days each month on mensuration. I have started to feel that she believe that sex can be evaded so she can escape her rest days and then 6 day she can be carefree.

However, my wife on the other hand supposedly display very less interest in sexual activity. Yesterday she said she was feeling awkward to initiate the sex probably thinking it seems desperate or inappropriate. It is not her priority or she doesn't like getting excited and feels overwhelmed during the sexual foreplay it self and usually says I am not intending to do the intercourse. But I try to make her understand that It is not ON and OFF thing for me to do intercourse.

She has recently from past 3 months acquired a job in customer service and obtained a cell from company. Initially she was understated by one of her immediate senior as useless. However, the senior has left on leave for a month and my wife has handled things well. Her work is the deal with technician for after sales pending services and to recover as much backlog each month not that they have a target but she herself shows commitments.

In the 3 months of her tenure, initially she refrained from speaking much to practically everyone including the technicians, however now she has opened up and deals with them the reason being she has done the similar job in a cellular telecommunication company earlier during her unmarried life for 3 years. During this this time she has always said she use to maintain distance with male colleague from flirting with her or having an funny business with her.

To brief a bit before coming to the point, She join the company in feb 2010 and made 2 lady friends with children and one without married for some time like 3-4 years and 1 male friend of her age who works as a IT guy there. Initially this was like a friendly chit chat and luch in the pantry everyday all together and everything was really speaking fine by me. Completely acceptable since she use to narrate things happening everyday and I use to be complete OK with it.

Just the 30 to 20 days back. During usual lunching, This IT guy all of a sudden, he told her, that yesterday he dreamt about her. At this she got furious and told him not to talk to him and she stopped talking to him, later in the evening she told this to me and I got so furious that I told her never to talk to this guy. After few day again, as things settle down they starts slowly chatting back over the common lunch this people use to have.

She told this to me, I wasn't OK with this as I thought then that this might give him privilege to talk further, but still I said It would be too harsh on her as she might require him for some work. It so happened that amid this in meantime she acquired a company cell phone. I warned her that do not let the office guys of the technicians who are suppose to work after working hours of the company let invade your privacy. Tell them at the beginning not to call you after 5:30 which are her official working hour or most after 6 PM. She did so however was not adhering to this as she by herself was of the opinion that she has to take the calls, not wondering this might go far if you entertain the guys, howsoever it may be official.

At one time I found her coming home ring bell at the same time office gossiping with this IT guy entering the home and still on the phone and then later telling him OK now she will cut the phone as she has reached home. At this I kept calm and one time randomly I raised the topic to let her hint that I didn't like him telling about that dream thing and it was not correct for her to call him or he to call. At this she told that she has stopped talking to him. I always use to find discrepancies in her talking about principles and following something else as to purposely offend me and not care.

In the next week to the above it so happened that she wanted to make a data bank of her contacts in the phone and it so happened that I checked her phone to find a lot of numbers. She herself told me that she has a job to call the technicians and co-ordinate with them to finish the after sales services. It was OK by me.

In middle of this, it so happened that I was asked to suddenly to go for a business trip to a neighboring country, which I tried hard to evade since she will be alone for 2 days and I was worried about her. On this We decided that she will not open the door for anyone and will not tell anyone about me going. We even brought our grocery well in advance. All she will do is go to job in the transport and come back. Just 2 days before I had to go for the business trip, she told me to take her personal prepaid cell along with me so that I can call her from the place and we can stay in touch.

I tried hard not to go but was forced to take the trip, during my stay, at night I felt so lonely and was remembering my wife and we exchanged calls 3 times each day. On second day, I had nothing to do and I was feeling lonely after the calls also. I started browsing her mobile to find call traces between this IT guys. She call 2 minutes then he calls 2 minutes and so on but still it was random and not so specifically evidence of any wrong doing but this hurt me a bit and provoked me in to finding the details.
Later when I came back from the trip I checked her call logs on her company phone to find
First day, I had my flight at 4:20 PM
4:22:00 PM - her Miss call
4:24:00 PM - 11:07 her call

Second day
his call 2:19:00 PM - 1:04 min
and then
her call 6:23:00 PM - 2:07 min
her call 6:28:00 PM - 6:08 min
her call 6:35:00 PM - 1:49 min
her call 6:54:00 PM - 2:55 min

Third day I came back no calls and then next day

11:02:00 PM his Miss call
11:49:00 PM his Miss call
3:38:00 PM his Miss call
5.09 PM his Miss call

I can't understand this, I was completely disturbed and felt betrayed and she wouldn't bother to tell me as she only thinks telling me means there will be a fight, but rather if she doesn't cross her limits in the beginning it would not occur is what she doesn't comprehend. All she has to give excuse is that she was talking official work about modifying the system to cater the requirements of the users. It sound way to artificial especially after the above.

That day I talked her into this and blasted at her for doing so. She said she will speak to this guy and will tell him not to talk. She did it as what she says. However ever from what happened above, I didn't feel trust in her. Back of my mind it was always she can slip away and call him and delete the calls or even talk on landlines and show as if nothing happened. Still I subdued my feeling.

In this following days she happens to take calls from the technician for feedback. They call like 4-5 calls everyday after working hours and she is interested in taking those calls. Even now the other department who was not involved got involved and rarely but surely the sales people started calling her as her present immediate boss sees her as potential, since other girls in the department are kept for miniscual job and act innocently as unaware of the procedures and evade responsibilities.

In mean time she told me that a young colleague of her sbruptly stopped coming to office and their HR dept was trying t contact him, but his cell was off. Just yesterday, the above and plus her strained job made me make few contacts and get a new job for her. I was in middle of this and when done talking to the new employer regarding the possibly, he said he will contact in 2-3 days. Immediately I called to tell her the good news at 10:30. She was busy, she said she will call back. 1 hr gone,2 then 3 ,4 and 5 hrs. I didn't get any call. I was very dejected at her. Finally a call came at 3: 30 PM which she usually makes a miss call to me and I call her back. I was so dejected that I didn't call her back. She didn't even bother to call back telling me that's she thought that I am in a meeting. She called me at her end of office hour while in the transport. I still didn't take the call. She came home, I told her that she didn't even have time to call during lunch hour or any single time to call. She regreted and cuddle me and said loving things. I felt good that's she cares at least to do thins much and later she didn't take any after hour calls and she satrted preparing food. All of a sudden she remembered this guy who left and told me that's she wanted to know what happned and wanted to gossip and immediately called him. It hit me that she is not going to change. I don't know why that's what I have been trying to know. Why is she not interested in the homely thing and gossiping and getting info of this guy is important. The place where she is hardly going to stay and I don't want her to stay amid all what has happened.

You will think I am thinking excessively, however, if you are in my place your heart would be beating hard, and every next momemt thinking what would be happening. I just want to know what makes her do things that usually a wife wouldn't do, like revolting back as if taking revenge or purposely ducking my feelings or rediculating my opinions.

Further more, our both parents are in talk about a child, she only nodes and agrees, but everyday she is not showing any inclination towards it. It is like we are of 50 age and had all our life sexual pleasure and need not talk about it as if we are done with it. If she would be eager for child or at least sex, she would coax me into which is never ever the case. In fact everyday around 11 M, I try to get close to her and she has a opinion that All I want to do is foreplay and not intercourse. However she doesn't understand that I'm not ON and off machine that when you On it I can start with intercourse neither she is interested in knowing facts about it. Which makes me more angry and take the anger and suspicious towards her job.

More soever, today she is playing pranks with me amid yesterday serious issue that Why am I calling from morning whereas she only gave me miss call as usual and to which my regular habit is to call her back and when she received the phone she is maintaining strict behaviors saying why am I calling her she is busy. In the evening she will act fine and force me to act fine.

I want to know her mentality.

[Jake2008]

Quite a few little things are really adding up for you.

What are you really saying- there is a lack of control and influence over your wife that you find disturbing?

I think that you put an excessive amount of emotional pressure on her to 'perform', and that in and of itself, may be contributing to her lack of interest. If you have approached this as as a 'duty' of your wife, and she isn't cooperating, perhaps the pressure of pleasing you, when she is feeling less than inclined, doesn't bode well for a good mutual sex life.

Adding to this; her knowing that she is not pleasing you, seems to be the cause or reason for you to find other things that do not please you, such as her relationships with her co-workers. It seems the vast majority of her calls at home are while you are there. The ones you offer as 'proof' of being suspicious are barely long enough to qualify as a conversation, let alone anything inappropriate as you suggest.

Because you have little control over who she talks to, and the one male in particular, you have decided to find her a job elsewhere. Is that something she discussed with you? Is she unhappy where she is? Or is it a matter of you not having enough control over who she talks to.

I get the impression that because she doesn't 'qualify' as a dutiful wife, all things are therefore suspect, and you've gone about making veiled assumptions as to her fidelity, and loyalty.

And now you want a baby.

Your question here was "Wife behaviour worries me." From my perspective, I would have posted "My husband's behaviour worries me!".

You may wish to consider, just consider, that the way you attempt to keep her in control, by defining your expectations from everything from sex to who and how she talks to co-workers, is likely causing her to back away. If all her explanations and detailed events she shares with you throughout her day are not enough for you, she may feel that anything she tries to communicate with you will never be enough. And, you will use what she has said to see trouble- to such an extent that you want her to work elsewhere.

While I get the impression that you communicate your needs and wants clearly to her, she has not been able to do likewise with you, or you would not question her fidelity, and behaviour. What she says or doesn't say, seems to result in her being in the same place.

It may be that you are not listening to her, and not allowing yourself to trust her. If the two of you cannot communicate without judgment and placing fault and blame on each other, you will stay spinning in this cycle where neither of you have your needs met.

Maybe try instead to work on the foundation of your marriage before you make more demands and expectations, and certainly before you consider having children.

[Gemini54]

If I'm reading your post right, you're saying that you and your wife have never successfully completed an act of sexual intercourse.

Yet you're expecting her to respond like someone that's experienced at sexual intercourse by knowing what to do with your penis, by masturbating you and by initiating sex. The doctor clearly told you that fear and pressure are what inhibits her from responding and you continue to put a lot of pressure on her.

I can utterly understand that you want to have sex, but it sounds as if your wife may have developed an aversion to the idea of having sex with you, and unfortunately all your actions are making it worse, not better.

You also want to control all her interactions with other people, including what happens at her workplace and what she does when you're not around. I was astonished to read that you made her buy groceries before you went away, so she wouldn't have to go out without you!

Please re-read your post and identify all the sentences where you describe controlling your wife, her movements and her conversations with other people... can you see that it's actually not healthy for you to behave this way? How is behaving like this going to make her feel closer to you and open up to the idea of having sex with you? Which is ultimately what you desire...

Her job has nothing to do with what is happening. It's simply feeding your insecurity and deflecting your attention away from the real problem - which is your demands and expectations. By involving herself with her work she's simply resisting the pressure you're putting on her in the only way she knows how.

You both need professional assistance if you're going to stay married - I would suggest that you need to go back to the female doctor she originally saw. You both need help for this problem that you're having with not having sex, and you as her husband are making it worse by your behavior.