[LotusXYZ]

Hello. Thanks for reading my post. I came across this site when I was searching the No Contact Rule. Ive red a lot of stories (very inspiring), but I haven't found one from a woman's perspective plus I'm finding it hard to have No Contact rule so I'm asking for help.

My Story:We met on the inet. He was 21, I was 18. Instant click right away. Talk on the phone for hours. After days of him asking me to meet him up, we eventually met after two weeks. Everything was great, although at the time he just broke up with his longest relationship (6 months) two weeks before he met me so obviously every now and then he would bring up about his ex. In the early relationship, he would bring her up as he said he was feeling guilty about her but said that he doesn't love her anymore. Oh yes he told me that he love at this point. I guess he was a nice guy. He attempted to break up with me but I fought it every time, he probably tried to break up with me around 5x on the first six months of our relationship.

After 6 months, he eventually stop talking about his ex. Everything was fine just couple of minor fights. We were everyday together. My family knows him and friends think he's great. But I have never met his family (he's a Hindu) so he said he's not ready at the time yet to introduce me to them.

Fast forward, for the last four years of our five relationship, every now and then I would get hurt and have doubts about him. I know for a fact that he never cheated but I just hated how he hurt me in the beginning where he brought up his ex. Plus being him my first relationship, first kiss, first hold hands, first sex contributes to my curiosity on what's out there and of course it doesn't help that he talked about his ex and previous relationship before. (We have to give him slack, most of the time it was me who brought up his past even though he didn't want to talk about it). But at the same time I wonder why he can't just introduce me with his family even though its because he has different culture. He was also controlling, well both of us were. He rarely let me go clubbing, probably just twice for the whole five years. He said its bad, but I'm curious and I know I won't do anything. He said he's been there done that and he doesn't want me to go through it. AGain, this makes me wonder what he did before me, what kind of crazy acts he did. Plus at a young age its natural to be curious on what was considered "cool" at your age. We fight pretty bad. I'm the type of person who doesn't want to talk on the phone until its cool, he's not he wants to fix it right away. When I don't want to answer my phone, he would come to my place. Every time we fight, tired of everything I would try to break up with him. His cellphone was under my name so he would call long distance charges and because I don't want to have bad credit report I would pay for it when he didn't want to pay it at the time. Sometimes I think it was my fault because all he just want to do at the time was talk to me while for me I would break up right away. I tried breaking up with him so many times and now that I have my freedom I miss him and trying my best to move on but its so hard. I still love him because even when I'm surrounded with friends or family all I can do is think about him. That is love.

I broke up with him last summer, ask for his forgiveness right away on the next day. To be honest I was surprised when he didn't want to take me back any more. I was thinking he would give me slack just because I stood up with him so many times despite of all the things he did to me. I guess I was bad at the same time, but there were also crazy attributes that he have for example him calling my work or threatening my friends thinking they were bad influence when I don't pick up my phone. I was heartbroken, but we continued to act like a couple without sex but with kissing,a month after until he has to leave the country. The whole two months he was away he didn't contact me but he didn't contact his friends neither. When he got back he said he just wants to be away from life at the time. I know he was heartbroken too. After he came back I ask him if he wants to try it again and he said it was over buttt every time we would hang out we acted like a couple. I wasn't the first one who would make the move like him pinching me or him feeding me. Even when I'm with my friends they would say we do look like a couple. But it was the same answer, just friends. No there was no sex though we would cuddle here and then.

Last March, I told him I want to think about things. I didn't contact him. He would call me once a week. He would say he miss his friend. I was doing fine. I'm in school, job, family. He would call me to check up on me. When I didn't want to tell him where I am he was like "how come? fine be that way" and of course knowing that tone before I would tell him where I was.

Recently, after two months of not seeing him, and him the only one who was contacting me (I never initiate a conversation for the two months that I didn't see him) --->> why would he do that?? He needed his stuffs from me that I was keeping for him. (I totally forgot that he has something from me). So I met him up and feelings came back. I told him my feelings and my desire to work it out. The same answer. He ask me if I'm seeing someone I told him no and he ask me how to turn down a girl. He was telling me story how someone likes him but he doesn't like her back etc etc I was furious as I told him I don't want to know anything about him. He's asking me join to him and his friends with their volleyball team this summer. He said it will be fun for me and a way for me to meet other people in that way I won't be bored this summer. He's leaving the country again this summer. I refused because it was his friends anyway and I know it will be hard to move on. That's where the no contact rule applies. Ive been on this site so many times getting inspirational stories. --->> Is he also confuse himself, hard for him to let it go? Why would he bring up that he wants to turn down a girl, or may be I'm delusional again

Currently, its been a week since last time I talk to him. I told him I can't be friends because I still have feelings for him. He said he understand. The day after we talk he texted me saying "mean", I didn't reply. 2nd day he texted "hungry?", he called me but I didn't reply again. --->> why would he contact me? Maybe I'm delusional because if he wants me he would tell me ( I am reading self help books). Its so hard!! Anyway nothing from him after.

I know no contact rule is one way to move on. It's just so hard. I'm not dating anyone. I find it so hard even though this is what I wanted before. I miss sex but I'm not that kind of girl. I'm reading Dr phil love smart book, he's not just into you, its called break because its broken but its still hard. Any other suggestions on how to get oever this? I'm running a marathon for the first time in my life. I'm graduating this end of the year, I look slimmer and ex complimented me last time he saw me, he playfully smacked my at the time and he's the first one again to feed me first in a restaurant! Why would he do that?? Is it because he's finding it hard to move on too?

how u got over your ex or first love and what's your status now?

anyway, its almost 8 months since we broke up. 1 week of no contact at all. Its hard. I wonder what he's thinking but at the same time he knows what I want to fix our relationship. But at the same I sometimes blame myself because I put him a lot of shet but at the same time he can be mean to me but at the same time whenever we see each other he would show me affection first or may be he's just used to doing those things to me (that's what he said to me when I confronted him why would he still act like a boyfriend to me) or maybe its hard for him to move on or maybe its been too long that I also have to move on... thanks for reading


TAke care everyone

[Romefalls19]

I got over my first true love by devoting myself to the gym. I mean I would spend countless hours there, doing to a days just to keep my mind occupied. A wandering mind is the worst thing for a broken heart. I know it's hard but keep the NC, it's vital to moving on, or you will just continue to struggle with it

[amicon]

I think you realise that its over and stay no contact and heal.

Keep busy and physically active.

Good luck and take care.
Some things aren't meant to be and we have to move on,as you should do now.

[LotusXYZ]

Thanks. I am counting the days. I stumble upon a thread where someone can't get over their first love after 7 yrs. First love never dies I guess. Arghh! But at least I wasn't the one who quit

Rome: I red your story. Very inspiring. You mention last time that you got engage after. I hope all is well

[LotusXYZ]

On the side note: I don't like my post, it's too long (*yawn)

[kctiger]

Thanks. I am counting the days. I stumble upon a thread where someone can't get over their first love after 7 yrs. First love never dies I guess. Arghh!! But at least I wasn't the one who quit

Rome: I red your story. Very inspiring. You mention last time that you got engage after. I hope all is well

"Getting over" love is all relative. There is so much information out there everywhere you turn on how to get over someone. No love ever dies... at least I don't think it does. People are going to come and go throughout your life, some of them you like, love or maybe hate. By "getting over" it doesn't mean you'll forget that person, ever. It just means you will eventually be able to cope with a new life without them in it. It can be better or worse, but that decision is in our control.

You'll get better and regrow. This was a learning experience like anything else. I was in your shoes almost two years ago and I said the same things. No way was I ever getting over this or moving on... well, I'm here to tell you that has all changed. Good luck and all the people on this site are stellar at lending an ear to your problems. Take care!

[Homegirl 50]

To being with, I say reread your post and then ask yourself why you miss all of the drama. This relationship was rocky from day one!
It takes time, there is no magic potion or wand. Busy yourself with things you enjoy doing. Whatever you do, don't jump into another relationship.
I wish you well.

[Gemini54]

I tried breaking up with him so many times and now that I have my freedom I miss him and trying my best to move on but its so hard. I still love him because even when I'm surrounded with friends or family all I can do is think about him. That is love.

That is not love. That is regret. Love cannot be forced, and in many ways you tried to force your 'love' on him. When you try to force something on someone in the name of love you're confusing love with ego and your desire to have things your own way.

Reread you post and look at the things that you've said about yourself and how you behaved.

You have invested a lot of time, energy and emotion into this relationship, which in reality was quite dysfunctional. Five years of continual threats, control, dramas and break-ups. It was exhausting just reading about it, I can't imagine how you felt living it.

Now that it's over the real challenge will be to learn from this experience and not carry the drama and control issues into your next relationship.

There is no magic wand you can wave that says "forget, and all will be well". It's actually really important to be going through the process of analysis and grief so you can understand yourself better.

[peekcachu]

I am in the same boat. I dated my first love about three years ago and he has moved on while I'm struggling. Its been almost 4 months now. I want to be better again. I do.

[LotusXYZ]

Thanks for your honest replies. I'm obsessed? I don't know. I guess it was my fault I pushed him away. Last time I asked hi
Back, he said I hurt him too much. I just got back from a night out with my girlfriend and still thinking abou him. Constantly thinking what if I'll bump into him? I'm not going to the same placeS where he hangs out but our city is pretty small. By the way He texted me last week after I was crying saying it hurts him when I cry and as quote "I love you babe, be strong and I promise you everything will be okay" --- confusing...

[LotusXYZ]

KcTiger, Rome and still waiting for Taliman -->>you guys are Luke celebrities to me. I have red your comments and posts. Great!

To everyone thanks for reading my post, it was too long

Peekachu: I know exactly how you feel. I'm back to NC again. Only if that guy didn't need his stuff from me I wouldn't need to see him. Oh yah he still owes me a lot of Money, he said he'll pay me back after he comes back (he's leaving in 2 months) I don't know when He'll be back after but I wish I'll be healed by that time. He doesn't have money right now. Let's do this together. It's hard. Most of the time I feel guilty. I have so many if onlys. But you know what I think weneed to grow. Learn from our mistakes. It's been 9 months and it's not going anywhere for me. Friends are tired of me talking, so I really need to push myself. Funny thing I almost broke NC today because my iPhone was dead and I need it to contact my girlfriend for dinner. For almost a split second I swear I could have dial his number as he is a tech whiz but I stopped myself because I don't want to be an option. I know he would Nswr his phone and would help me but I don't like the feeling of being an option. I panic but I thought that I need to be independent. Luckily my girlfriend
Was smart enough not to leave without me calling her and we got my phone
Fix in the mall. Phew! So close. Good thing I didn't. Hang in there. It's tough I know. I hate it.

Anyway goodnight. Going to work tomorrow for 12 hours and dance practice right after (tango and cha cha anyone? :))Keep yourself busy and keep me updated

[talaniman]

It takes time, and plenty of it, to accept that a long term relationship is over, and you have to rebuild a life that you enjoy without them. Helps a lot if you leave them alone, and learn to cope with your feelings in some positive ways, such as with friends, or family, and activities that you love to do.