[robyn14387]

OK everyone so here goes,


My boyfriend and I dated for just under 5 years. We met when I had just finished school I was 18 and am now 23 ans he is 25. We had a great relationship, we hardly ever fought expect for the occasional little disagreement which was usually over something petty. Most of our relationship I lived with him in his parents house as he was not ready to move out of home yet. Actually not ready to move out of his comfort zone. Niether of us ever cheated and we both believed very strongly that a break is nonsense. You either want to be with the person or you don't, so we never had a break in the time we were together. His parents were married for 30 years and jan 2009 his mother decided to leave. Him still being the last child at home I think didn't handle it very well. His perfect family was now not so perfect, it may have even changed his view on relationships. But no matter what we were by each others sides and supported each other through the tough. When we met my parents were getting divorced so yes we both helped each other through these events in our lives.

I could pick up he became a little distant and he got snappy short tempered, but again I thought its his way of dealing with what has happened in his family life. In Jan this year I suggested to him that we go live in the uk for a couple of years take time for us and our relationship get back to how things were before everything in our families made a turn for the not so great. I said we young we have nothing to lose, we can travel and you know at the end of the day if we don't like it we can come back. But at least we can say we tired. So he said yes lets do that, so we decided to pack up sell our stuff and move in with his dad until dec (that is when we decided to leave to uk) it will also alow us to save some extra money until we leave. So yes we did that, we had been in his dads place for 10 days and I went to work one morning. I sent him a text asking does he think in his opinion its possible to fall out of love with someone? I didn't mean anything by it I was just curious to know his opnion. And that was probably a big mistake he texted back saying so much has gne on in his life in the last year that he's not the same person anymore and even though we love each other very much we just not good for each other.


In that instant my heart felt like it had been ripped right out of my chest, I had been stomped on a million times I had to read the text over so many times because I just thought no this is like a really bad dream. I never saw it coming. I went home that day after work and we talked and he said that's how he felt and I asked him we have come so far and been through so much together you don't just give up. And I begged him lets work at it lets get through this together and he just said well what if we try and it doesn't work. And I said then at least we know we tried and didn't just walk away from it.

And then he told me he had been trying and I said that's not fair because how can you try and work on something to fix when the other person is not even aware of how you felt or didn't even know there were issues. I really felt like it was all a bad nightmare. And since then we have almost been apart for a month now.
Its still so hard everyday and I still have hope. He seems to be so strong and sure of what he wants I keep questioniong how can he just not care about what we had and not even try make it work. He just through the towel in. I still had contact with him for a while but the last week I haven't had any contact and he hasn't contacted me.
He is a very stubborn person and I fear that even with time apart if he does feel he wants to be with me he won't say because he's so stubborn.
I've chatted to a lot of people and they have all given me advice such as time heals everything, time changes things, absence makes the heart grow fonder, if its meant to be it will be, there is someone so special out there for me that I just have not met.

But all I want is my ex, we were so great and we truly loved each other. Could it be that he's in a really bad space at the moment and he's confused, could it be what he really does want.

Do most guys at the time think it's the right decision and later realise it was a mistake they made, is it possible to fall back in love with someone when uve fallen out of love?

Please help any advice will be great :)

[amicon]

His feelings have changed,and you can only heal and move on with your life,heartbreaking as it is.

Stay no contact-keep busy and allow yourself to get over this.

Check out the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice.

[Gemini54]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so bad. It's really hard to lose someone that you love, particularly if you weren't conscious of what was coming.

Notice, I said the words - 'weren't conscious'... because at some level you WERE aware of the fact that something was wrong. Otherwise why would you send him a text asking if it was possible to fall out of love with someone?

I do understand that it's really hard - you had made plans and were going overseas together - you lived together and you've spent most of your late teens and early twenties together.

But you're making it much harder for yourself by holding on to hope when he has given you none. He says it's over. You need to believe him, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. Keeping in contact with him is the worse thing that you can do because it keeps you thinking there might be a chance and it keeps hurting your heart instead of healing it.

Accept that it's over. Listen to his words and the fact that he's distancing himself from you. He wants to move on and get on with his life. Let him. You must go no contact. It's the only way you'll ever feel any better.

Remember, if you really love him, you'll let him go. You can never go back, so go forward instead.

[talaniman]

So sorry for your situation, but you have to let him go to deal with his very real life changing issues. I don't think he wanted to run away with you in the first place, and would rather stay, and deal with his family at this time, and despite your own hurt, you have to let him.

I am so sorry for your loss, and disappointment, but it really will take a lot of time to move beyond this. Its about him, and his changes, not you I think. That knowledge doesn't help, but time and plenty of it, is what you need to mourn, heal, and rebuild.

[robyn14387]

You are all very right, and as hard as it has been I've let him go I will now take timew to heal and find myslef.

[robyn14387]

Threads merged


How do u deal with a break up which ended with the following reason

We want different things, when he tells you he loves you but he is not in love with you anymore.

Is it possible for him to be over you very quickly?

[Cat1864]

How old are you and how long have you been in this relationship?

Generally, it isn't a sudden change of heart, but rather a finally accepting what the person has been denying to him/herself and the other person for awhile. It only seems sudden to the person being broken up with because he/she didn't have the doubts the other person did.

How you deal is let yourself work through the pain and anger, hopefully, in a safe and healthy way like getting involved in something new. You learn to let go and begin to live your life without him. Someday, you will be ready to get into a new relationship. Just give yourself space and time to heal first.

[Devorameira]

To answer the question about him saying that he loves you, but is not “in love” with you, I need to define them.

It’s the way you treat each other. You can love anyone but to be in love with someone is the desire to be with them, to hold them, to make them laugh, to make them happy, and all those good things he does for you.

Being in love is an overwhelming amount of happiness. For me at least, being in love with someone is the romantic, butterflies-in-stomach, can't-wait-to-see-them-again them feeling.

We can love many people but being “in love” with someone typically suggests the romantic, sexual, intimate feelings not found in those other loving relationships. For this reason, when someone says “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” it’s saying their romantic and intimate affections have cooled.

I think he's telling you that he still cares about you, doesn't want to hurt you, but doesn't want a relationship with you.

It’s always hard when someone you love ends the relationship, but you need to focus on healing and think toward the future when you actually do find Mr. Right.

[mindvsheart]

Hey Robyn - can you give us an update? Hopefully you read this soon.. I'm curious how things panned out.