[mudweiser]

So sorry Muddy, but you can't make someone do something they don't want to do - particularly if everyone else is doing it ...

Ahh I know... I just wish I could kidnap her, tie her in my basement until she realizes what a horrible mistake she would be making.

[JoeCanada76]

Then you would be up for kidnapping charges.

Your friend and new husband would probably have to take temporary custody of your daughter while your serving your sentence.

[I wish]

I think that you've made a big difference already Muddy. Postponing the wedding is a huge accomplishment, so you can be proud of that. It does give her more time for her to realize that this maybe not be the most healthy relationship.

I was thinking of another idea, but it does require you to be in closer proximity. Sometimes, the grass really is greener on the other side. But she has to be aware of the other side.

It's obvious that she's having a rough life and she has to put up with a lot. I don't know her personally, but perhaps she doesn't realize that life doesn't have to be so difficult. Hopefully she's open to experiencing and seeing new things. Maybe she will realize that she really does deserve better when she's experiencing something better. As for examples of ideas, well, I'm sure we can come up with some. For one, I feel that she should meet more people. If she realizes that there are much kinder people out there, her boyfriends' poor qualities would be more obvious to her.

[mudweiser]

Oh god. I'm so f@#!king pissed. I could kill him.

So she confessed to me that she wants to kill herself sometimes and that she feels so down and she just wants to leave him [or something like that] and I told her to come move in with me and just leave him behind and move on. That was 3 days ago.

I talked to her today she declined my offer saying that they are working on their relationship... f@#cking great. Of COURSE he's being "good" now. I bet she told him about my offer and now he's being a good little a--hole.

Sorry I'm just so mad right now. She's being such a stupid idiot right now I want to hit her.

Ughh! There really nothing I can do and she claims that so many things have changed and that what she told me she doesn't feel "all the time".

Seriously what the friggen f-ck?

[talaniman]

You have done what you can, its up to her now. I can understand wanting to slug some sense into her though, maybe a few rounds with him too. But its her bed she is lying in, by her choice.

That didn't help not one bit did it Sara?? :( Didn't help me either!! :o

[redhed35]

She does not want to go muddy,and she won't until she has suffered enough,all you can do is be her friend,its frustrating,I know.

[jmjoseph]

All you can do is let her know that the offer still stands in case he goes back to being an a-hole (soon). She has to see what you do. It just isn't the time yet.

She's lucky to have a friend like you.

Behind every drug dealing, punk a$$ woman beater, is a bruised woman who thinks he hung the moon just for her.

[mudweiser]

she does not want to go muddy,and she wont untill she has suffered enough,all you can do is be her friend,its frustrating,i know.

Thanks red, thanks everyone.

I just hate not being able to do anything. I've cried, I've screamed, I've daydreamed of murdering him and throwing his body into the forest... but I know I can't do that because of legal consequences... even if no one would really miss a guy like that.

Ahhh well thanks for letting me vent. Thanks guys. I guess I'll just sit here and be her friend. But if I find out he hit her, I don't know what I'll do... seriously.

[Homegirl 50]

When she gets sick and tired of being sick and tired, she will make a move.
Everyone has a different breaking or low point.
You let her know you will be there. That's all you can do.

[positiveparent]

Unfortunately this girl is going to have to learn from her own mistakes.

My wise old Grandma (R.I.P) once told me, you can't put an old head on young shoulders, and that's so true.

You can try to advise your friend till the cows come home but sadly it'll do no good, she's not seeing the reality in this situation yet, sadly though one day she will, until then all you can do is be there to catch her when she falls.

Myself I wouldn't be her maid of honour, I couldn't be a party to something I knew was on a one way ticket to Domestic Violence hell, but that's just my opinion.

You must do what feels right for you. Good Luck.

[J_9]

Sarah, I am going to admit from the get go that I have not read the entire thread, but just got the gist of it.

It seems as though this is an abusive situation, I don't know about physically, but it sounds as though it may be at least emotionally, verbally, or mentally.

Unfortunately you have done all you can. Let her know that she can talk to you, and that your offer still stands. However, if she does ever take you up on your offer, you have to set some boundaries. Unfortunately, you need to set those boundaries NOW. I know it's hard to do, but it has to be done if she ever decides that she does want help.

[poeticmelody]

Why do girls like bad-boys? Really confuddles me :/

Anyway, I think the only thing you can do is to talk to her.
You have to make her see what an idiot he is-would she really want to have children with a man like that one day? How would he be with them?
I suppose, you have to be very careful though because otherwise you may lose your friendship, and that is the last thing we want.
Be gentle but firm, straight forward and honest, and above all, just be there for her.
Friends are forever, well that is the idea anyway.

I hope it all goes well. Good luck and take care x

[J_9]

Why do girls like bad-boys? Really confuddles me :/

Anyway, I think the only thing you can do is to talk to her.
You have to make her see what an idiot he is-would she really want to have children with a man like that one day? How would he be with them?
I suppose, you have to be very careful though because otherwise you may lose your friendship, and that is the last thing we want.
Be gentle but firm, straight forward and honest, and above all, just be there for her.
Friends are forever, well that is the idea anyway.

I hope it all goes well. Good luck and take care x

Please read the ENTIRE thread before responding. She's already talked to her, your advice is too late.