[Lukesmom]

Hello,

This is my first posting here and I appreciate your help.
My step-son, who lives several hundred miles from us, was invited to meet his new girlfriend’s parents at Thanksgiving. They hosted him for a couple of days and of course Thanksgiving dinner. I arranged to have flowers sent to their home. When my step-son called us while there, he relayed to his dad that the flowers were a “nice touch” and appreciated. The enclosure card from us to the parents was informal, though we’ve never met them or the new girlfriend. We “signed” the card with both of our first names and a “thank you for hosting…” message.

Today my husband received an enveloped addressed only to him containing a thank you note that opened with “Dear Mr…..”. And a nice message about the flowers. There was no reference to me, nor was I included in the address or salutation. I am devastated. I went to a lot of trouble to track down the specific florist nearest their remote town, paid for the flowers and delivery myself, and wrote the message to be included on the card. Only after all the arrangements were done did I mention it to my husband.

Should I bring this to their attention or forget about it. My husband doesn’t know what he can do, if anything, and is not inclined to pursue the matter. While I'm glad they enjoyed the flowers, I’m hurt to the point that it could possibly affect any future relationship I might have with the girlfriend’s parents.

Your assistance is appreciated.

Lukesmom

[J_9]

It is my belief that you should just forget about it if you want peace to remain. If you make a stink it will most likely be brought up between your step-son and his girlfriend and then again with her and her family.

Maybe send a nice Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate, card with both names on it.

[AKaeTrue]

Yes, this could be a most devastating event. However, kindness is the key here. You shouldn't say anything else about the matter. Showing dignity for yourself and your good deed is a much better way to go about your hurt feelings. Bringing it up only for receiving recognition will make you look selfish. Funny, but true... In actuality, it is the other way around; however people that would not recognize both you and your husband, are likely to misconstrue anything you say and turn it into a negative.
Feel content within yourself that you did everything possible and even went out of your way to give flowers, but never expect anything from anybody in return for doing good deeds. Keep your head high! You will one day receive your two-fold.
Kae

[eldaneker]

I think it's quite possible that the omission was unintentional (e.g. they lost the card and didn't remember what exactly it said). I would just try to let it go and think positively. You did a nice thing and they appreciated it, I'm sure they will appreciate you more and more with every interaction.

[lacuran8626]

Some people are real dolts about etiquette and "get fancy" with their ideas of how to be formal. Perhaps they thought that sending it to your husband as the head of the household was more formal. Another possibility is that they think it's disrespectful to your stepson's mother to acknowledge you formally - in either case, it's weird and wrong, but people sometimes are just trying too hard to impress. I would let it go, and if the slight continues, talk to your stepson. It is his job, not your husband's, to set the tone as to how you will be accepted into his new family as his step mother.

[skihog2000]

Some people are real dolts about etiquette and "get fancy" with their ideas of how to be formal. Perhaps they thought that sending it to your husband as the head of the household was more formal. Another possibility is that they think it's disrespectful to your stepson's mother to acknowledge you formally - in either case, it's weird and wrong, but people sometimes are just trying too hard to impress. I would let it go, and if the slight continues, talk to your stepson. It is his job, not your husband's, to set the tone as to how you will be accepted into his new family as his step mother.

I agree 100%. Good advice.