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ChihuahuaMomma · Apr 21, 2010, 04:38 PM

HI there,

So as many of you have heard I am getting married next summer. I'm super excited. Well, he has a ten year old daughter I would like to adopt. I have many questions on the subject. First off, do we have to wait until we are married to do a legal adoption? Is it possible to get her mother to relinquish all rights (she is fresh out of rehab [for the 6th time]). Well, those seem to be my only two questions. Thank you for your time.

Any other information, advice or anything you want to give is also greatly appreciated.

Love you AMHD,
Cherish

Synnen · Apr 22, 2010, 05:54 AM

Moved to Family Law, because really what you're asking are legal questions.

1. Get a lawyer. A lawyer will let you know whether you need to be married... but...
2. Get married. Most states require that you be married a specific amount of time before a stepparent adoption can take place.
3. You'll need to ASK the mother to relinquish rights. If she doesn't want to, you're going to need to either prove that she is unfit, or you'll have a long legal fight with her about it.
4. File adoption papers.

Your lawyer should be able to walk you through it step by step.

You CAN do it without a lawyer---but you can set a bone without a doctor, too. If you want it done right, so that you don't have to "break" it and "reset" again, I'd use a lawyer--especially since in adoption, if it's not done right the FIRST time, it can be overturned, and a second time may not happen.

stinawords · Apr 22, 2010, 09:38 AM

In some states a lawyer is not required. In mine it is. As said most states require marriage a certain amount of time before a step-parent adoption can take place. Generally, that is one year of marriage though I have heard of less and more. A lawyer in your area will know how long your state requires. Then the father will ask the mother if she will be willing to allow the adoption. If she will then it should go pretty smoothly. If she won't then either don't do it or be ready for a court fight. For that court fight you and your husband (because by that point he will be) will need to bring as much proof as possible as to why she is a danger to the child and how the child will benefit from the adoption.

ChihuahuaMomma · Apr 23, 2010, 01:34 PM

Thanks so much guys. I live in Washington state, if that helps. So, we have to have the mother's permission for me to adopt? That won't happen, but it will be a fight and I am confident we will win. She hasn't had custody since the child was 2. She's 10 now. I have been her Mom for three years and known her and watch her grow for many more than that. Her mother is a danger to her because she is a drug addict. Her two other kids are currently in foster care because of her drug addiction and her husband's spousal and child abuse.

stinawords · Apr 23, 2010, 05:34 PM

It does sound like you guys will have a strong case. However, you still need to look into lawyers in your area to have the papers drawn up and what not. Obviously, that doesn't have to be done Monday morning because you aren't even married yet. But it doesn't hurt to shop around.

MARY1223 · Feb 23, 2011, 11:55 PM

I don't know if you havee any blood children ,but the only thing I can say to you is that a mother is a mother regardless of an addiction
If you adopt this child and the mother becomes well please do not keep her child from her,for the lord has put her in her womb and he will also bless you for being respectful and loving to the mother of you child

MARY1223 · Feb 24, 2011, 12:03 AM

Just remember that god put those children in her womb not yours, if you can truly say toyourself in private thatshe dorsntlove her kids go for it, and while your doing that if you have no negative feelings whoknows maybe god will forgive you for doing harm to a sick person... think about it

J_9 · Feb 24, 2011, 12:25 AM

One year old thread closed.

J_9 · Feb 24, 2011, 06:33 PM

Reopened at OPs request.

Synnen · Feb 24, 2011, 06:43 PM

JUST REMEMBER THAT GOD PUT THOSE CHILDREN IN HER WOMB NOT YOURS, IF YOU CAN TRULY SAY TOYOURSELF IN PRIVATE THATSHE DORSNTLOVE HER KIDS GO FOR IT, AND WHILE YOUR DOING THAT IF YOU HAVE NO NEGATIVE FEELINGS WHOKNOWS MAYBE GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU FOR DOING HARM TO A SICK PERSON... THINK ABOUT IT

Just remember that she put her drugs above her children SIX TIMES. Just remember that GOD didn't put that child in her womb--SHE did, probably because she was too high on drugs to take the precaution of birth control when she wasn't ready to be a parent.

If you can truly say she loves her kids more than her drugs, well, you just live with what those kids are going through because their mother is too selfish to get her Sh#t together the FIRST time she ended up in rehab.

Hopefully, God will forgive you for believing that giving birth makes you a good parent, and for letting a child be in a situation of a parent putting drugs before her own welfare.

PS--did it occur to you that if it WAS God putting the child in her womb, that it may have been so that the OP could be a terrific mother to her? Did it occur to you that God isn't so arbitrary that he believes that every child belongs with their biological parents?

PPS--get over yourself. I placed my child for adoption because *I* put my child's best interest first. Too bad more idiots who can't put down their drugs can't see past their own selfish love and put the needs of their children first. Think about it.

PPPS--ChihuahuaMomma, I hope you DO get to adopt her, and that you're providing all the love and stability that her mother can't. You're a great person, and your step-daughter is super lucky to have you in her life.

ChihuahuaMomma · Feb 24, 2011, 08:33 PM

I don't have any children of my own. A mother is NOT a mother regardless of addiction. She's just some lady that gave birth to this child, chose her drugs over child, and abandoned her and refuses to support her in any way. And the Lord did not put this child in her womb, she's not the virgin mary. She got pregnant from intercourse just like most others.

ChihuahuaMomma · Feb 24, 2011, 08:37 PM

Again, I say God didn't put that child in her womb, her actions did. I CAN truly say to myself that she does not love her kids. If she did she would still have custody of all three, which she doesn't because she loves her addiction more than herself or even her children. I know this woman, you don't. And you don't know me. I am doing no harm to anyone. She lost her children due to her own actions, I am here to give one of her children a mother that she never had. How does this make me a bad person? She's only sick because she made herself sick. I have no sympathy for addicts, I grew up with one and I know the pain it causes on families

GV70 · Feb 25, 2011, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Comment on ChihuahuaMomma's post

Great! I wish I may comment my own posts!;):eek::eek::eek::eek:

ChihuahuaMomma · Feb 25, 2011, 03:51 PM

LOL... I was temporarily using the new version of the site and didn't know how to navigate... But I posted about her post on my post, if that makes sense. So yeah, I don't like the new version... NOPE!