[vanheart]

Well, just don't repeat mistakes.

If it all in your head, then...

Change those thoughts around.

Don't be a jealous, insecure husband. Enjoy being married to her.

[Kitkat22]

Well, just dont repeat mistakes.

If it all in your head, then...

Change those thoughts around.

Dont be a jealous, insecure husband. Enjoy being married to her.

Women... take off their diamond ring to wash dishes... Guess you don't know what washing dishes is. Frankly I think if you're that insecure you need to improve on your weight and attidute. You say your insecure about the way you look so do something about it. She only wears her wedding band. Big Deal who wants to lose a diamond out of their ring washing their hands.

You are really a piece of work... You are so whiny about your feelings and
Probably do the same to her. Get Over It! Work on getting some confidence and get off her back... If you don't you'll drive her crazy.:)

[JoeCanada76]

Well Yes KitKat,

If he does continue he will drive her into the arms of another man. If he is not careful, and it is bad to say this I would not blame her.

Joe

[Kitkat22]

Well Yes KitKat,

If he does continue he will drive her into the arms of another man. If he is not careful, and it is bad to say this I would not blame her.

Joe

I would be nuttier than a frutcake if I were her!

[Cat1864]

One final piece, just a small irritation unsure if it has a greater significance. She often forgets to wear her wedding ring when she goes out... never forgets her phone. She has put the engagement ring away and only wears the wedding band, when she remembers to put it one.
OK I'm done. Thanks so much to everyone, I think it has helped me enormously. I have to work on me.

I think you making some of her comments more important than they are. Just because she is with you does not mean she can't enjoy looking at other people. I am certain that you probably still look at other women even if they are only actresses and models. Would you expect her to react the way you are if you 'check out' a random woman walking down the street?

As for the one about your brother, is it really about her finding your brother attractive or is there a bit sibling rivalry added into it? Has this been an issue with other people in the past?

How long has she been in your country? How much longer does she have left on her visa?

As for the 'lying'? It sounds like she is beginning to protect herself from getting into arguments about what she does and who she does it with.

You need to sit down and have a discussion with her about your issues. No blame. No fighting. No making her responsible for your reactions/actions. Be honest about how you feel and listen to what she says. If you aren't certain what she means, ask her. Remember that the language barrier will come into play with word choice and definitions.

I will admit that I don't know what TAFE is. When I looked it up, I came up with schools. Primarily vocational education and training. If she were planning to get a job in her profession in your country, would she need to get certified in it? Would it be something that she might want to surprise you with or to have all of the information together before she talked to you about it?

As for the wedding ring vs. cell phone, she has carried the cell phone longer. The wedding ring is a very recent development and without knowing how long she has been divorced or how long she wore her ring afterward there may still be traces of reminding herself NOT to wear her ring after their separation.

By the way, good luck with the getting into shape. It sounds like you are doing a good job.

[slapshot_oi]

If I met and married a woman in under three months, I'd be insecure too. She's pretty much still a stranger so you don't even know what she's capable of, hence your speculations. Sometimes people don't even realize they don't like a person until two or more months into dating.

You married her quick, so you should learn to trust her even quicker.

I don't know what to tell you, but I know that spying on her is going to drive you mental, so you shouldn't do it for your own nerves.

[asking]

Clickhaus
Do you wear a wedding band?

[Kitkat22]

clickhaus
Do you wear a wedding band?

I think he should get a CLUE!

[clickaus]

Thanks again to everyone.. both positve and negative comments I welcome as it gives me an insight of me I don't see so your observations in this are helpful.
Yes I do wear a wedding band, proudly I might add.
Slapshot, you are right, we are just getting to know each other's quirks now. So a little insecure about a few things she says/does allbeit said/done innocently by her but perhaps misinterpreted by me.
I don't believe there is sibling rivalry with my brother and I, other than he is trimmer than I currently but as I said, I am working on that. I just didn't know what was she thinking of when she strained her neck to check out his abs, she said 'just curious', well we all know curiosity get get you into trouble.
I have since found out that her ex flatmate sometime goes to TAFE. Although I am not certain it is THAT TAFE she went to, but the next day is when she met him at the shopping mall... I am sure it is all innocent.. but not knowing makes me feel so insecure about her intentions.. Sorry guys/gals for the whinning there is no other way to vent this without burdening her with so much and. As you all say, would drive her away which naturally I do not want that. I just need to be sure she is genuine and not like the last relation I had who wanted all of the same on the surface only to find she was playing me and other guys too. That left a mark. Thanks for listening and commenting

[clickaus]

Oh in answer to Cat, she has about 12 months on her current visa we have employedan immigration agent to help with changing them, and she has been divorced for 5 years.

[JoeCanada76]

Well I am glad you came here and are talking to us instead of your wife. Oh and when are you going to start counseling for yourself?

[Kitkat22]

Well I am glad you came here and are talking to us instead of your wife. Oh and when are you going to start counseling for yourself?

Please say you are going to counseling!

[clickaus]

She has two phone. The one that I gave her where she uses to contact me, her daughter and her friend Kelly. The other phone she says she uses as a chinese/english dictionary, which is true. But I can see she has used it to call people but because it is all in chinese I cannot read except for the phone numbers which I do not recognise. I cannot ask her about them without appearing to be suspicious and or jealous. Again not knowing for sure makes me insecure. If I could find a way to ask or for her to be able to explain I would feel more at ease I just don't how to talk about without being confrontational or accusing. I just want her to be upfront.. she will probably say that if she tells me I wouldn't be happy.. That said, I would rather know than not as if she says one thing and I find out later it wasn't so it would cause even more angst. I do get myself in a knot sometimes.
I will get counceling.. promise. Thanks everyone.

[jmjoseph]

I'm going to have to be the one to say it. She is making you feel insecure. She is the probem in that aspect. I see nothing good coming out of this. You just met and you are married? This has red flags all over. You need counceling ASAP! This is crazy! What have you done? What are you doing? You failed to date long enough to know what you were getting into and it seems like you are paying for your mistakes. Sorry to say, but you dont know your wife at all. You went way too fast and now you're crashing and burning. I hate divorce but it seems like it's your only hope for a good life.I'm so sorry for you! Good luck man.

"I hate divorce but it seems like it's your only hope for a good life."

For someone who hasn't even been married to suggest divorce, is like me giving tips on menstrual cramps.

Just because this man needs to work on his self esteem, and trust issues, doesn't mean he needs to give up on this marriage. Even if they just met, and he obviously didn't think things through.

Maybe they will get divorce. But it's surely not up to us to suggest it from the start.

We should be careful with what advice we give. Especially when it's something that we have no experience whatsoever in.

[talaniman]

You have a lot of "getting to know her very well", before you start worrying about how she will deal with your issues. Just know she has the same road to go down as far as learning about you also.

[myagony1234]

Clickaus,
I read all your threads, and am sitting here & smiling by myself. You fell in love with a culturally mysteries, sweet, and beautiful woman and married in short period. How lucky you are! Your life will be full cultural adventure with the hot, sexy woman. But while you are excited, you start to have cold feet and getting nervous about your marriage. It is very normal, and here are my thoughts.

1. Overall: She married you, and she has not cheated on you. So just relax, learn about her, learn about her culture, learn how to communicate &overcome language barrier, and build trust.

2. Her English learning: If her intention is learning English, she should try to talk any English speakers not only hot men. Your worry is exaggerated in my opinion. She is 48, she knows how to protect herself. Give me a break. The real issue is your mistrust toward her. There is no sign she married you for visa, or she tries to find someone else to run away with. You are nervous, and try to over protect her, and not to lose her. RELAX!!

3. SeLf image: Be comfortable about your self-image. If she was not attracted to you, she would not marry you.

4. Visa: Staying in US is not live and dead situation. It is rather option. She was not forced to marry you. Wasn't she? As you know, she did not marry you because she could not survive by herself. Forget about the visa stuff. You are downgrading your marriage for nothing. You are proudly her legal husband, and you should help proactively her to get visa status stabilized to be with you in US, without questioning her intention. It is too late to ask the question now. She will appreciate your help, and respect and adore you.

5. Over weight: I am very attractive woman, and I personally like meaty men rather than skinny men. They look real and stable. Do not worry about your belly or weight. Please keep working on your weight for your heath, but not for paranoia. Stop accusing her when you fail to control your weight. Women do not care about some extra pound of weight of her husband. Is she checking on hot men? Yes, we do sometimes, but it is nothing just like all men do. If you feel jeoulous, tell her so. Or just give 2-3 more second of hard look to other hot women while she is with you. She will get the point.

6. Cell phone: It is normal to forget to carry phone on and off for any of us. It happens to me sometimes too. Do not develop a full story around this. Once again, your mistrust is the real issue. If you keep accusing her, she will feel trapped. Not a smart move.

7. Wedding band: You guys need to learn communicate clearly. Tell her it is American culture to wear wedding band for married couple, and she should make an effort to do it while you are doing it. Do not assume she has same sense about wedding band. In some Asian culture, 'wearing wedding band' is not strictly required. My Asian co-worker who has great marriage does not wear his wedding band at all. I asked him about it, and he shrugged it off.

8. Culture: You need to teach her the American culture verbally, and do not make assumption. She will not be Americanized automatically while she lives in US. You need teach her nicely, while you learn her culture. It will be really fun in your life! If you make accusation over assumption, you will make unnecessary stress in marriage.

9. GPS: The GPS tracking is totally off, you did wrong. Treat her as your wife, respect her. If you investigate & treat her as possibly cheating & running wife, you are only asking for it. Try to learn to trust your wife.

10. Marriage is like jumping off from cliff with your partner. You need to throw all yourself into it to survive with your partner. Give her all love, but do not accuse her.

11. If I am you, I will make her absolutely happy while together, best lover in bed, be the best English teacher, friend, shopping buddy (so she will not try to find any others), learn her culture, but let her develop her own identity freely. She is foreigner, probably excited about US, but need to learn a lot of life here. Be patient, and help her as loving husband.

12. Her working: She is not working now, and should have too much free time. It is not good. Help her land on a job, help her if she needs job training. Once she has job, husband, co-workers, she will be very occupied, and will have less free time to wonder around the shopping mall.

In my understanding, Asian women are known as aging gracefully (they look younger than their age), working hard, and loyal to their partner. You are her husband. Some people decide to live in an exotic country, but you decided to live with an exotic wife. Good fr you. Just relax, enjoy honeymoon, and Have a lot of fun! :)

[Kitkat22]

Just read all these post and read them often. Good luck!

[clickaus]

Thank you to everyone. It seems that for me, every time things start going well for me I expect that at anytime now it will fall apart as perhaps I shouldn't be this happy, and before you know it you are sabotaging your own happiness by imaging all the things that could go wrong.. Thank you for everyone who has 'chipped in' their thoughts and in particular to myagony 1234 who answered put everything into perspective for me in one hit. I am indeed grateful to everyone.

[myagony1234]

Hi clickaus,
I guess you enjoy every minute of your honeymoon by now. Good for you. :)

I forgot to mention one thing to make your marriage better in my answer earlier. When you have a chance, make extra effort to visit her country, look around where she grow up, and build a good relationship with her family. It will make your relationship deeper and more solid.

This visit will make you understand where she is coming from, and who she is. While you visit her country, you will be a foreigner, and she will be in a position to guide you. In this reversed role play, you will understand the difficulty as foreigner who has language barrier (although it is fun and excited to live in a foreign county), and make you better person to guide her in US. For her, she will guide in her county, take advantage to pay back your kindness. In the process, she will understand what you are going through (! ), and realize how lucky she is to have you in her life. It will definitely enhance the quality of your marriage.

[clickaus]

Hi myagony. Thank you for taking the trouble for your further thoughts. We are in fact planning to do that as soon as her visas to stay in this country are inplace. Then we can visit her homeland and family. I am looking forward to it. Life is wonderful. I still have bouts of insecurity but it is undercontrol. Thank you sincerely. Each morning I awake to see her besides me I feel I am the luckiest guy in the world, truly