[clickaus]

Additionally, I know it isn't right to 'spy' via the mobile GSP [bad experience caught my ex partner cheating this way] so naturally a little paranoid, when I noticed she lied about where she was when I phoned it made my heart sink. Should I address this with her or put it out of my mind [which is difficult]. I cannot let on that I had observed her via GPS obviously.

[talaniman]

You jumped in rather quick, so I suggest you get over the insecurity real fast, and the need for reassurance immediately!!

You have no choice but to trust unconditionally, and leave the rest of that BS behind.

If you were so worried what her motives were, it should have been addressed before marriage, so now act like you can handle it, a stop spying, and crying, and treat this as the golden time in your life.

Let it all hang out, and throw caution to the wind, and get beyond your fears.

Any more questions?

[clickaus]

Thank you
So are you suggesting I shouldn't discuss with her what worries me. I know I have to stop the questioning. But I need to her thoughts on some matters from time to time how else do I get to understand her point of view

[JoeCanada76]

No what is being said is do not question so much. If your always bringing up things to her then she will know that you do not trust her.

You need to talk to each other as couples but do not always let your insecurities be the discussion which so far all it has been about.

Please get some series counseling and no do not discuss everything that worries you.

Men, I am questioning how she truly deals with you. You are your own worst enemy.

[vanheart]

I would communicate to her what you are feeling. And the things she says that put you down & perpetuate jealousy.

After all, this, in a way is all in your head. Insecurities.

She hasn't cheated.

I would also talk about your future and how that will transpire. You mentioned she was only going to there for 2 years.

You both need to make a plan. Like Tal said, you made the decision to marry her. Now its about being unconditional. Stand by your decision.

[talaniman]

First off enjoy your honeymoon, they don't come around often. You have to realize you basically skipped through the have fun getting to know each other stage and for the rest of the year, That's YOU.

Save that deep, depressing, super serious stuff for next year after she has see some of your good points.

[vanheart]

Very true.

Never got to know each other. Nows the time to do so.
Have fun together instead of stressing.

[asking]

clickaus,
My take on this is that you are steadily eroding and destroying what could be a comfortable and loving marriage. It's important that you demonstrate more trust in your wife. If you are so insecure about your own attractiveness, get serious about losing some weight and getting fit. Put your energy into that instead of tracking her every move and assuming the worst about her at every moment. Replace the time you now spend checking the phone and the gps by going to the gym. Give up soft drinks and switch to whole fruits and vegetables. Be serious.

I'm also really bothered that you say you married her in part because you think she won't leave you because she has a child, as if the child is some sort of financial hostage in this situation. This is really sad. You are not thinking in terms of mutuality or creating a safe and loving environment for your new daughter, but only of guarding your treasure, like Midas. The woman you married is a person, not a possession. Wake up! You will drive her away if you continue thinking the way you do. It's not just your actions, but your whole attitude that is the problem.

[vanheart]

So true.

Your intentions. The web dating, then jumping into a marriage. Then not dealing. Not recognizing who you are before you jump.

Nows the time to do that.

No woman wants an insecure guy that has them on leash.
Whatever language they speak.

She married you too. Let her show you why.

Take a step back, relax & enjoy the good things.

[clickaus]

Hi y'all thanks so much

I must make a point that I didn't marry her inpart in thinking she won't leave because of the child, not at all, I just welcomed the comfort of having a family around me, something that I have been searching for a while now. Twice in my life I have started a relationship where children are apart of our life, then problems have happened just as I was getting to enjoy family life and didn't get a chance to see my family grow up around me, and that has been my one big regret in life, so I truly want this relationship to work for this reason alone. Anything else would be a huge bonus in my life. I am so afraid of losing this. Which makes me so paranoid and inturn it may destroy the very thing I am trying to protect.
I am actually getting fit now, no junk foods plenty of exercise everyday, my wife is overseeing this. Lost 8.5kg so far, feeling good about that. And everyone has correctly observed that it is I who have the problem with self esteem and I know I shouldn't let that be the focus of our discussions. I will learn to lighten up and, as you say, enjoy the marriage for what it is.
Thank you to everyone.

[vanheart]

"I truely want this relationship to work for this reason alone"

That's the kicker.

"something that I have been searching for a while now"

"Twice in my life I have started a relationship where children are apart of our life, then problems have happened"

You have to look at what didn't work before and change.

For the right reasons. Not an instant family.

Hope you grow this into something special.

While growing yourself.

[Kitkat22]

Get a gps and have her wear it! That was a joke. You're going to lose her if you keep acting like this.

[clickaus]

One final piece, just a small irritation unsure if it has a greater significance. She often forgets to wear her wedding ring when she goes out... never forgets her phone. She has put the engagement ring away and only wears the wedding band, when she remembers to put it one.
OK I'm done. Thanks so much to everyone, I think it has helped me enormously. I have to work on me.

[vanheart]

Lots of red flags here.

[clickaus]

Vanheart
Do you mean I am right to be concerned?

[JoeCanada76]

It feels like a yo yo... Like I said the story keeps getting added on and added on and added on.

For everyone else read the whole thread before commenting. And see the progression.

Have you ever asked her why she takes it off? Some people just where their wedding ring after getting married some wear both.

What is going to happen after 2 years?

[clickaus]

She takes it off to do household chores
I am taking control of myself, I hope, for my sake and my marriage

[JoeCanada76]

Then what are you worried about... Whew, your lucky you have not driven her freakn insane. Please do take control of yourself.

[vanheart]

Not sure if you mean jealousy or ALL of the red flags.

Insecurity
Misdirected intentions
Internet romance with a cultural barrier
Jumping into a marriage with someone you don't know.

Seems like her intentions are way different from yours.

Im just guessing.

Honestly, if I just got married and my wife was making me feel like crap, commenting on guys, not wearing her ring, has a place in another country & getting alimony. Escaping until her daughter graduates. I would have to have my head examined.

Take a hard look at why you got with her and your past relationships. Then talk to her, & get back to us..

[clickaus]

Like I said, I am so afraid of losing her that I have the terrible habit of over analysing all actions and non-actions verbal or otherwise, looking for reassurance that she is genuine towards me. She gives all the signs she is... but the things I have covered have caused me to over analyse. Bad past experiences must have left a mark.