[hb12]

My 12 year old son, has no idea that his dad is not his biological dad. I need to find a way to sit him down and explain to him, I also need to find a way to talk to my other half about us telling our son. My other half wants to have no part in letting him know, as he says, "he doesn't need to know, I'm his dad and that's all that matters" Our son has ever right to know - considering he does have other bro's and sisters and cousins. I think my other half is scared of losing him to someone else... Please help!!

[Wondergirl]

I'm sorry no one has mentioned this to him before. The age of 12 is rough enough going into the teen years without finding out you aren't who you thought you were.

Does he know his real dad as a family friend, etc. If so, what does he think of him?

Well, he does have to be told. The worst thing that can happen is that he finds out by accident from someone other than you. Also, someday he may need to know about his family genes for medical reasons.

Is it possible to meet with a counselor or a minister for a few sessions to get this all straight in your own head before you talk with your son?

[Gemini54]

I actually don't know what to suggest - it's such an important thing to tell him, and he's at such a sensitive age.

I do think that you need to work it out with your other half before you tell your son though - it's really important, I would think, that you BOTH tell him, and that your other half emphasizes how much he cares for him.

Also, you may need to tell his biological dad that you're breaking the news as your son may want to contact him.

I'd be suggesting that you do a bit of preparation before you tell your son anything, WG's suggestion of getting some advice from a counsellor makes a lot of sense.

Good luck.

[hb12]

He doesn't know his biological dad at all, has never seen him or doesn't even know his name! My son has No Clue that his dad is not his biological dad!
That is my fear that he finds out from someone else and that's just going to make matter worse. But my other half needs to understand that he has every right to know and we need to tell him before anyone else tells him... We do need to sit with someone to help us both through this, I guess this is the time that we will tell how strong our relationships are, right?? Thanks for the advice!

[Jake80]

Sorry but you have to tell him some time. You keep saying your other half so I guess you are separated or in some sort of situation similar. If that is your only reason you want to tell your child then forget it. Biology does not make a mum or dad love does and I can relate to this. By all means tell your son who his biological dad is but don't tell him his dad is not his dad. I can see were your other half is coming from, you want to tell your son that his dad is not his dad. Sorry but you will be lying to your son. Dads are so much more then DNA or a name on a bit of paper. Yes at some point he will have to know but please do not tell him his dad is not his dad