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shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 07:52 AM

This is going to be difficult to explain without giving away too much detail...
I will give as much as I can, let me know if you do need more.

A friends 13 year old daughter goes to stay with her father who lives an hour away. Her 17 year old brother stays home with mum. He is not the best father and lets them smoke and drink.

Daughter comes back from her fathers acting 'strange'

Skip to a few weeks later and the son is shown a photo by one of his friends.
It is a photo of the bottom half of a girl, completely naked.
He is asked what he thinks of her to which he replies "yeah not bad!"
He is then told it is his sister.

Skip to a few more weeks later.
Son reveals that he received a phone call from his sister while she was at her fathers. She claims she had been raped.
She has lied about this before so he didn't think anything of it at the time.
Same time the girl has an 18 year old boyfriend.
Ever since this story has gotten out her mother has banned her from seeing him.

Up until this happened she was a normal happy CHILD, no hint of being interested in sex at all. (or make-up - you should see photos of her, she dresses like a 20 year old)

My OH is tempted to take a long drive down to see them and have a serious chat with all people involved.

What would you do?

Call the police (since no-one else has bothered to)?
Stay out of it?
Go down and have that talk? (he would rather do it in person as he knows the phone would be hung up on him)

tickle · Apr 10, 2010, 08:01 AM

I think he should have the talk. If he involves the police, just yet, and I am not saying he may have to, it could get nasty for everyone. Some l3 year olds are very well developed and in warm climates are actually ready to marry, and do, but this in countries where it is common practice. So don't get your dander up guys, I don't mean in the US or Canada.

You say she has claimed rape before ?

Tick

Kitkat22 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:02 AM

Ask your friend if you can help... Think about what you would do if it was your child. I think the child's father should be completely out of her life. You're a good friend and that's what she needs right now. You'll do the right thing... You are a good person and you are what your friend needs right now... Blessings:)

shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 08:06 AM

Yes, unfortunately I don't know a lot about that other than what the brother has told us.
All he said was that she had claimed it in the past for attention.

I agree that we should hold off on the police. We don't know the 100% truth of it all but all stories we have heard have all been identical.

She was one Facebook the other day swearing like a trooper because her boyfriend had dumped her.

Kitkat22 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:15 AM

Could you talk to her and ask her what's going on? She sounds like a very troubled young lady.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:20 AM

In my honest opinion it is not your place to get involved.

Just be your friends support. Be her friend and just be the leaning shoulder but it is up to your friend to take action which sounds like she has.

shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 08:21 AM

Thank you Kat :)

Unfortunately the only way we can get hold of her at the moment is through her mother, who if V talks to I know it won't end up going well.

It's 3 hours drive away but might be well worth it if it is the only way he can get to talk to her.

I agree that the father should be completely cut from their life.
To put it nicely he is a f-head scumbag a-hole.

I guess I just wanted some reassurance that we are not overreacting.

shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

In my honest opinion it is not your place to get involved.

Just be your friends support. Be her friend and just be the leaning shoulder but it is up to your friend to take action which sounds like she has.

Thank you for you input Joe, it is appreciated.

I don't think the friend is taking anywhere near as much action as she should be.
The only reason she ended their relationship was because everyone found out about it and started criticizing her for letting her daughter go out with an 18 year old.

So confused :confused:

Kitkat22 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Thankyou for you input Joe, it is appreciated.

I don't think the friend is taking anywhere near as much action as she should be.
The only reason she ended their relationship was because everyone found out about it and started criticizing her for letting her daughter go out with an 18 year old.

So confused :confused:

Go with your gut feeling! I think the friend is maybe too hurt or shocked... The girl needs help.. Maybe her problem is more than just an eighteen year old.:confused: Not to criticize but who would let a thirteen year old date an eighteen year old:(

excon · Apr 10, 2010, 08:34 AM

Isn't their a moral/legal obligation to report this apparent rape?

Hello Jake:

Not as long as it's only an APPARENT rape. Before you call the cops, you want to KNOW there was a rape.

Excon

hheath541 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:34 AM

There's not a lot you can, or even should, do.

They need serious counseling. Family AND individual.

shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 08:41 AM

Thank you everyone.

I can't tell you what his decision will be until he gets home from work but I will sit him down and get him to read all of these answers.

I just wish there was something I could do.

I do agree with you Exy but there is more to the story that I can't share here. And we had no idea she was dating an 18 year old, they kept that very quiet, which means the mother knew it was wrong but chose not to do anything about it until it made her look bad.

Kitkat22 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello shaz:

If you want to get involved in your friends life, why didn't you get involved when she let her child date an adult? Listen. I UNDERSTAND why you didn't. You were right. It was none of your business then, and it's none of your business now.

Be there for your friend. Give her all the advice you want. But, don't DO anything.

excon

Friends who are true friends... hurt for each other and they will always go the extra mile. Yes it is someone's business when they see a troubled child being taken advantage of. Two many people look the other way ecause it's easier than having the guts to "get involved". If Shaz feels like doing something to help the friend and the thirteen year old then good for her!

Better to get a little involved and maybe save the sanity of two people than to sit back and do nothing. Even if it's only advice and a shoulder to cry on. :rolleyes:

JoeCanada76 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:52 AM

Well now she has no choice but to act, right? I am sure things will work out for all parties involved. I am sure the right decisions will be made now.

It is just to late to go back in time and say this could have been done, etc etc... It has already happened and now the decisions here out will hopefully be better to deal with this situation.

excon · Apr 10, 2010, 08:56 AM

Hello K:

If the violations were clear cut, I'd be saying something else. If we knew that what was SAID was the TRUTH, I'd be saying something else. If we knew what Shaz said she can't tell us, I'd be saying something else.

But, at this point in time, we don't know anything. So, doing something based upon rumor and gossip, can only get somebody into trouble...

We DO agree about the shoulder, though.

excon

shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 08:59 AM

Thank you Exy.

I'm sorry I can't say everything but there are too many people that know me and know I use this forum so don't want to spill too many beans.

Biggest problem is that we can't say with any certainty what has happened, it's just rumor (except for the info about the rape allegation from her brother)
And you are right Joe, nothing can change what already has happened, I just hope we can offer some support as to what happens to her in the future.

Our shoulders will most definitely be open.

Clough · Apr 10, 2010, 09:06 AM

Hi, shaz!

Does the 13 year old only have one parent at home?

Thanks!

shazamataz · Apr 10, 2010, 09:14 AM

Hi Clough, yes it's just the mom at home.

There are other family members living close by but none seem to want to get involved, which is surprising considering they are a very close family.

Clough · Apr 10, 2010, 09:24 AM

Touchy issue, and mom allows at least some illicit activity to happen in the home, correct?

cdad · Apr 10, 2010, 09:30 AM

Id like to address something that seems to be overlooked. I know things are different these days and it seems that kids have gone wild with so many things. But in this case there is clear and convincing evidence that something happened. Im not saying rape as that is an unproven allegation at this time. But if the brother has seen a picture and if it was his sister then its time to act. At 13 it IS illegal. It is considered child porn. Also I would doubt that is the only one of its kind. Kids today don't understand that if anything gets to the net it is there forever. Also at 13 there may be no end to "blackmail" in the child's eyes. Look I have this and if you don't etc. SO yes you must act. You have to get involved. Maybe calling CPS or whatever Im not sure how things are in your area. But whatever is done it must be by surprise and with authority. Otherwise you could lose valuable evidence. This is no time for namby pamby actions. The accusations are serious and the consequences are dire. Teen pregnancy is a big enough problem and at her age its unimagineable. Please do something but first figure out the right thing to do and go after it like there is no tomorrow. We are talking about a young ones life and the shape it can take from here on out.