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soccerfreak · Apr 9, 2010, 09:32 PM

So me and my girlfriend of 5 months broke up about a month ago because we were getting into small arguments the last 3 weeks of the relationship and because she didn't want a boyfriend right now. I really want to get back with her because of how much she meant to me. After we broke we still kept in contact, but after doing some research of my own I learned that it was a mistake to do that if I wanted to get back with her. We talked over Facebook and texted a bit. We talked over the phone a few times but we still got into two arguments even after we broke up because I had told her over the phone that I couldn't be her friend right now because I couldn't bear myself to keep in contact with her because it hurt not being with her so I told her that I couldn't be her friend. After that argument I said OK we can still be friend and stuff. So then later that week we were talking over Facebook and she asked me what my feelings for her were and I told her everything. Then I asked her to tell me the as well and she said that she wants to tell me she loves me over the phone whenever we talk and that she misses being with me and that if she could have a boyfriend right now it would be me. So lately I found out she is interested in this other guy but still cares about me. Now I don't know what to do, should I not contact her anymore and just let things with her and the guy she's interested in work out or should I keep talking to her but keep it minimal?

sabrewolfe · Apr 9, 2010, 09:37 PM

Stop contact with her all together.
If she wants you, or has feelings for you, she will let you know. But let her come to you.
There is nothing more senseless than putting all your effort into someone who only puts very little, if any, into you.
Think about it.

Ithappenstoall · Apr 10, 2010, 12:11 AM

She has you on the hook. I want to be with you I love you but not right now?? What is that... Do not communicate with her, she is not being fair to you.

Showme_urmove · Apr 10, 2010, 12:12 AM

My ex did that kind of bs bro. She wants to experience other guys, but wants to make sure she has you in the side encase if that doesn't work out. Just leave and forget about her, your only hurting yourself by staying in contact with that girl. How would you feel once you see a pic with her new boyfriend, Picture of them kissing and doing things the way you two used to do. I know it would hurt me. Get some back bone and find another girl that can treat you the way you should be treated. PM me if you want to vent bro I know how your feeling.

amicon · Apr 10, 2010, 12:20 AM

Go no contact and get over the breakup-there is no point waiting around in limbo,clinging to false hope.

Devorameira · Apr 10, 2010, 07:45 AM

It makes me really angry when anyone plays this card. :mad: The way I look at it is she still cares for you and may even be attracted to you somewhat, BUT really doesn’t want to be your girlfriend.

She’s saying she’s almost positive she doesn’t want to be with you instead of being completely positive. She wants to keep hold of you as a back up plan, then if she doesn’t find someone she likes better she may come back to you, but if she finds a guy she likes better she’ll drop you like a hot potato.

When a girl wants to take a break, what she really wants is to know that you’ll be waiting with open arms if she decides to come back. She doesn’t want you right now but also doesn’t want to risk losing you if she has a change of heart.

Some people take breaks and do get back together. It does happen, but rarely. She’ll only come back if the loneliness gets the best of her and there are no other prospects. If she meets a new guy then the break will be permanent. Then how will you feel?

Live your life as if you were broken up for good. Date other girls. Don’t hang out with her and don’t contact her or answer her calls. This is the only way you’ll stay sane throughout “the break.”

mistyjane · Apr 10, 2010, 08:12 AM

Actions speak louder than words.
If the girl loves you why is she playing games?
If she loves you why is she hurting you and making you feel sad?
If she loves you why is she interested in other guys?
And most important:If she's in love with you why in the world wouldn't she want to be with the man she loves so much?
Just asking.

Lucky098 · Apr 10, 2010, 08:27 AM

You need to wake up and smell the coffee! This girl dumped you. Do you need her to write you a letter stating that she dumped you?

If she loved you, then why did she dump you? People who are in love, don't tell their partners they don't want a boyfriend. It's a lie.. The only reason she told you she doesn't want a boyfriend, is because she is being nice to you.

She may still love you.. but probably a love like she loves her girlfriends. The intimacy is over. You lost. She's moving on and playing with your head while she does it. Is she being malicious? Probably not. She may still care for you deeply, but its just not strong enough for her to WANT to be with you.

You shouldn't beat yourself up either. You only dated for 5 months. Sometimes, peoples chemistrys just don't match. Its no fault of yours or hers.

You need to move on. You need to pick up and carry on like she never entered your life. Who knows.. Maybe you'll win her back?

Stop contacting her completely. Delete her from everything. She is no longer apart of your life. Obviously, you're an after thought in hers.. YOU don't deserve to sit around a wait for her to make up her mind.. Live your life!

Life only happens once.. Don't spend it crying over a girl who just dumped you. You'll find someone else who will stick out with you until the end. Promise :)

talaniman · Apr 10, 2010, 09:25 AM

I told her that I couldn't be her friend. After that argument I said OK we can still be friend and stuff.

Scared to lose her from your life, and ruin any chance she changes her mind. That's where you screwed up, not sticking with your own word. You caved.

I found out she is interested in this other guy but still cares about me. Now I don't know what to do, should I not contact her anymore and just let things with her and the guy she's interested in work out or should I keep talking to her but keep it minimal?

I think its plain you leave her alone and start doing your own thing, and not be her source of amusement, while she tries to attracts another another guy. She loves your attention, but wants it without any commitment. That's not caring on her part at all. That's friend zone for her own purpose. To be thrown away when its not needed, or she gets busy with someone else.

DISAPPEAR, and let her wonder where you went, and why. NO explanations needed.

roxypox · Apr 10, 2010, 03:50 PM

1.I think it's a bad sign in itself when a couple break up after only 5 months.

2. If YOU can't stay friends don't stay friends! (as in if you don't want to stay friends with her!)

3. She seems to be giving you a LOT of false hope: I love you, If I wanted a BF it would be you... but OH wait, I'm into someone else.

4. Don't have contact with her! Do your own thing, take care of yourself, let go of the false hope she has given you (!! ) and try to move on!

Don't let her fool you and don't cling to the false hope, I'm sorry to say, but this realationship really seems to be over and the chance of the two of you getting back together is very very slight-to zero. So what you need to do right now is just take time to get over her and let go of this and move on.

Best of luck!

Roxy

vanheart · Apr 10, 2010, 09:16 PM

"i had told her over the phone that i couldnt be her friend right now because i couldnt bear myself to keep in contact with her because it hurt"

So.. Words. Now the actions that follow up that statement.

No contact time.

Do that. Feel free to vent when you do.

soccerfreak · Apr 12, 2010, 08:13 PM

So yea guys I've been realizing everything you guys have said about her playing games with me and all and well I just found out today that they are dating or are really close to dating so I'm going to cut off all contact with her. And yes I have been living my life after we broke up but it was just that I wanted to include her in it but right now I can care any less anymore because she played with me. Now when they officially become boyfriend and girlfriend I'm not going to do anything about it and I'm just going to let them live their lives no matter how bad I want to just yell at her from telling me lies and playing with my heart. Thanks for everything

vanheart · Apr 12, 2010, 08:19 PM

Good for you my man, no need to care about an ex that has another boyfriend to take care of her.

Let the anger roll. You deserve to be. Its an important emotion among others.

Just equate that anger to a feeling you don't like having.
Like her.

soccerfreak · Apr 12, 2010, 10:16 PM

Threads merged

I don't understand why people play games with others or play with the other person's feeling. Why can't they just be completely honest with there other person and tell them what they really feel even if its going to hurt the other person? I mean I would rather know the truth right off the bat than have my hopes up and later find out that they lied to me and played with my feelings. Like I don't understand that. Even if they still want to keep someone there as a back up it's still messed up. Like why can't they think about what they are doing and put themselves in the other person's shoes and imagine how they would feel if the same thing was done to them. I mean its really stupid don't you guys think?

JoeCanada76 · Apr 12, 2010, 10:31 PM

Are you speaking through personal experience if so please explain your situation to us, then you will get better answers.

soccerfreak · Apr 12, 2010, 10:38 PM

Well I already kind of posted something related to this. Its about me and my ex who broke up and then we kept contact and she kept telling me that she still loved me and if she could have a boyfriend it would be me but then like 3 days later I find out she's interested in another guy but yet she couldn't just be open and honest and tell me she was into this other guy. Like why did she have to go out and hurt me even more. Here is the story if you guys want to read it. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-463754.html

JoeCanada76 · Apr 12, 2010, 10:41 PM

The reason why I asked is because all these threads are related. They should be kept together so there is not much confusion. Thank you for putting a link there, and now for the whole story which will be better.

Thank you.

Ithappenstoall · Apr 13, 2010, 12:00 AM

Sometimes it is great that these things happen 5 months than a few years later where you are more attached to that person and love them more.
You are one of the lucky ones ;). Just something to think about !

vanheart · Apr 13, 2010, 12:08 AM

Yes. Wasting time on BS is silly.

Lucky is winning the lottery.

Taking charge & and being aware is another.

Its going on a year for me.

Its nice to learn. Hehehehe.

talaniman · Apr 13, 2010, 06:53 AM

Let me explain this very simply. Its not what the other person says or does that counts at all!! Its what you do about it that matters.

The thing we always forget is that if we are so blinded by intense feelings, and get so carried away by them, that we go along with the program of another and refuse to have our good common sense guide us, then whose fault is that? Trust, respect, and love are earned over time, not just given to a stranger because of "chemistry", great looks, or a killer body.

It is your responsibility to take the time and put in the work to make sure they deserve what you give them, so you have no regrets on taking a risk with them, whether it works out or not.

Sex, and lust feels like love, but it fades over time, and real love grows, if the conditions are right.

Sure the world is made up of all kinds of people, both good and bad, and everything in-between. Its our own responsibility to figure out who we are dealing with, and that takes not only common sense, but some experience where we know ourselves very well.

Your case for example, just figure you fell fast for someone in a few months, and ignored some very clear red flags.

So me and my girlfriend of 5 months broke up about a month ago because we were getting into small arguments the last 3 weeks of the relationship and because she didnt want a bf right now.

How much more honest would she have to be? Two red flags you ignored, arguments early in the relationship then finding out a relationship with you was not what she wanted.

i really want to get back with her because of how much she meant to me

So after she clearly rejects you, you ignore that, and continue on because of your own feelings, and wants. Ignoring yet another red flag. She doesn't want romance and has said so and her action have matched her words. That's where you should have exited from her life and gotten beyond it, but NOOOOO! You go for worse.

after we broke we still kept in contact

I guess having no experience, nor the common sense to accept her rejection, you hang around, taking everything a s hope she will change her mind. She didn't, but you had HOPES.

So you see, blaming others for your own mistakes is a bogus argument. Matter of fact it wasn't what she said or did that hurts, but your own actions, and being unwilling to leave her alone, that has you so hurt, and bitter now. Your question should not be why do people play games, but " why do we stick around, and let them.

You are responsible for your actions, not her, and your responsible for your own happiness as well. You are also responsible for what you do in any situation, experienced or not, so think before you act, or speak. You are responsible with how you cope with your own feelings, no one else is. It was your responsibility to protect your heart, NOT HERS, as she was honest with you, as she could be.

Why do people play games?

Because we let them!!