[nats baby]

I am nearly 30 years old and never had a boyfriend, what is wrong with me? I have been on a couple of dates but they were not right for me. Help!

[sabrewolfe]

Is it possible that your standards are too high?

[nats baby]

I don't know! Maybe they are. I think I am scared about being dumped or making a fool of myself if I say something stupid.:o:confused:

[Wondergirl]

Join a volunteer group -- at an animal shelter, a library book discussion group, a library writers group, at a nursing home -- and give of your time and yourself to others. Get out in the world and meet all kinds of people of all ages. Get comfortable in your own skin and with them. In six months we'll talk about dating.

[Clough]

Hi, nats baby!

How is your social life in general, please?

Thanks!

[CFZD]

What do you do?
What are your friends like?
What is your belief/religion?

[sabrewolfe]

i dont know! maybe they are. i think i am scared about being dumped or making a fool of myself if i say something stupid.:o:confused:

Then the problem lies within you. You sabotage yourself from the experience of having a relationship because of how you view yourself. There are either issues with your self-esteem or you just simply believe that others standards are too high for you.
You need to first realize that no one is perfect. Relationships are not about being perfect. They are about accepting everythng about someone, even what we call flaws, or what I like to call them, the little ideo-syncrisities about someone. (Ok, I got that from the movie "Good Will Hunting", great movie by the way, and if you watch it where the character that Robin Williams plays when he explains about that, you will get the point of what Im trying to explain.)
Without taking a chance to allow others to see these things, these imperfections, your not giving them much of a chance to decide for themselves if they accept you for you, or not. And you are not giving yourself the chance to find out.
Fear is what is holding you back from having a relationship, nothing else. You simply just need to let go of that fear before you will ever have the chance at finding and having a relationship with anyone.

[I wish]

One way of overcoming your fear is the face your fear.

Sometimes, getting rejected isn't a bad thing. Here's a scenario:

You go on a date with a guy. You're interested in a second date, but he's not. Therefore, rejection. But a few weeks later, you meet someone else. The first guy is now long gone. If you recover from a rejection, you will know that it's not the worst thing that can happen. If anything, you have all to gain, because you will know that you survived a rejection, so you won't be afraid the next time.

The other thing is, you can't expect to find happiness so easily. But if you put yourself out there, it will increase you chances of finding happiness. Just don't let a bump in the road stop you from moving forward. Just because you see a bump in front of you, it doesn't mean that you turn off your car and just sit there. You just need to inject a little bit of effort to put over the hump. Once you overcome the hump, you'll be glad that you accomplished something and you will be better prepared for next time because you'll have a better idea of how much effort it takes to get over the hump.

[Gemini54]

I have to admit, that I did not have my first serious relationship (or even a real BF for that matter), until I was 30.

I didn't think there was anything wrong with me at the time, (although other people suggested that there might be!).

You might be a late starter, or you might be cautious or you might not really be interested... all those things probably applied to me.

However, thinking back, I believe that part of the issue for me was that I didn't really see men as people - I had difficulty being friends with them because I always thought they had ulterior motives.

It was when I actually started to connect with them as people - with foibles, moods, opinions and faults just like my own - that I was able to feel more comfortable in relationships.

My advice - get out there and meet people - male and female - talk, create friendships, have a good time. Don't say no to any dates even if the guy seems awful (it's all a process of learning). The worst thing you can do is worry. If it's meant to happen it will, in its own good time.

[bluebirdlove3]

However, thinking back, I believe that part of the issue for me was that I didn't really see men as people - I had difficulty being friends with them because I always thought they had ulterior motives.

That's cause they do have ulterior motives. It's called sex. And always will be. Believe me I've spoken to plenty of guys and the outcome was pretty much the same for most.

[martinizing2]

i dont know! maybe they are. i think i am scared about being dumped or making a fool of myself if i say something stupid.:o:confused:

Quit being scared of these! Be prepared instead. They are going to happen.

They happen to everybody but it's not the end of the world. It is being human, making mistakes and learning.
Being too scared to play will assure you of not winning.

And as for the ulterior motives of men: The thought of sex looms in the mind of all men. Being one I know this. When it is obviously the foremost thought (and it is usually obvious) you get to dump them!

But take some of the great ideas the other posters have given you, get out , mingle, make friends and have fun.

Like the old saying says, "You gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince."