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backchat · Mar 27, 2010, 05:02 AM

A few nights ago I went out with my best friend (who I live with) and some other people. When we came back we talked for about 2-3 hours about things and she asked if she could stay in my bed. She's stayed with me loads of times before so I didn't think anything of it.

When we were talking she kissed me a few times on my cheek but nothing more. Then she told me that one of my friends had told her that I really liked her (which I do) and she wasn't sure how she felt about me. But then she started to make a move on me and we ended up sleeping together. Now we had been drinking but I'm certain we were both sober enough to know what we were doing. I also gave her plenty of chances to back out and asked her if she knew what she was doing.

Anyway she was fine with me in the morning but told me that she just doesn't have any feelings for me but still wants to be best friends. So I'm pretty heart breaken because I love this girl so so much. Why would she sleep with me knowing how I felt about her? And is there anything I should do to try and win her over? Or is it just that she's not actually the friend I thought she was for doing what she did.

Please help, I don't want to lose her but what should I do?

amicon · Mar 27, 2010, 06:14 AM

I guess she wanted a friend with benefits for the night,and the alcohol probably 'helped'.

You could have said no as you wanted more than you could resonably expect that she was offering.

She tells you that she doesn't have feelings for you,which at least is honest after the fact.

Can you handle going back to being friends?

If you cant,go no contact until you're over her.

mistyjane · Mar 27, 2010, 06:19 AM

I think she took advantage of the fact that she knew you had feellings for her.I'm very sorry but this girl does not seem serious with you I think it was just a game for her.
However you should not live with a girl you're in love with and who doesn't love you.
When she's not coming back home you will ask yourself who is she with?or if she brings a man at home how will you feel?
You will end broken hearted.

I wish · Mar 27, 2010, 07:30 AM

Sounds like a booty call to me.

Deny it all you want, but alcohol definitely played a role.

Furthermore, she knew that you wanted her, so it's a perfect opportunity to satisfy her urges.

If she cared about you, she wouldn't have lead you on like that. I'm sorry that it turned out this way.

If you can't stay friends with her without generating false hope for yourself, which will ultimately hurt you more, then leave her alone until your feelings have gone away.

88sunflower · Mar 27, 2010, 07:37 AM

Like the others I agree alcohol had everything to do with this. Before she knew you liked her you were just some average Joe. When she found out you liked her I think she was flattered. Maybe felt sexy around you and desired. That very well could have sparked an interest on her part hoping she liked you in return. Maybe knowing you had an interest in her turned her on and the alcohol didn't help. I think her best judgement was off and you both let it happen. You letting it happen for other reasons. But she was honest enough to tell you she has no feelings. This is better then leading you on. I hope you can put it behind you and stay friends. But I think now your feelings might have gone a hair deeper having that intimate moment with her and I hope you understand how to control it with out hurting a good friendship.

backchat · Mar 27, 2010, 08:38 AM

Cheers guys, to be fair she's always treated me pretty badly but you see things differently when you love someone. I will just try my best to find a girl who actually cares. Thanks for all the help.

My only other problem is that I live with her in a student house until the end of summer (another 3 months) so how do I get around that. Shall I just play it cool?

I wish · Mar 27, 2010, 08:42 AM

Play it cool as in, don't talk to her unless it's necessary.

Once your feelings for her have gone away, you can always rekindle the friendship.

But if she hasn't treated you well in the past, not sure what you're getting out of the friendship anyway.

If she is a good friend, she would understand why you need to keep some distance from her to recover from these feelings.

88sunflower · Mar 27, 2010, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by backchat

Cheers guys, to be fair shes always treated me pretty badly but you see things differently when you love someone. I will just try my best to find a girl who actually cares. Thanks for all the help.

My only other problem is that I live with her in a student house until the end of summer (another 3 months) so how do I get around that. Shall I just play it cool?

Well if she has always treated you badly and continues to do so then so be it. Its not going to matter how you treat her now, somehow she could hang that night over your head. If you can't break your lease or contract or what it is that has you tied living with her, just keep your peace by keeping your space. Keep your distance and stay polite as you can. Things happen and life goes on. That night was one of them. To bad for you. But for her it's a notch on her belt. Leave it at that until you can go your own ways. Don't let her know you still care.

Lucky098 · Mar 27, 2010, 10:11 AM

Maybe she wanted to "try you out". Maybe she thought she had feelings for you and wanted something to spark. But nothing did.

Was she wrong in putting the moves on you? Yes.

Where you wrong to allow her to take advantage of you? Very much so.

You put yourself in this position. You are "best friends". As far as I know, Best friends don't sleep with each other. She was either searching to see if she had feelings for you that is more than just friendship, or she was just drunk and horny. You being her best friend was a huge safety net. Her knowing you like her, made it easier for her to put the moves on you.

You should just leave her alone for a bit. You need to let yourself get over the shock of what all happened and come to terms with what she wants from you.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2010, 07:12 PM

My head is spinning. She has always treated you badly, yet you have always had a crush on her, so much so you let her seduce you into a one night stand, and she still has no feelings for you, and that's what she told before she seduced you.

Wow, now you have to see her face all the time because you live under the same roof.

I think your only option is grinning, and bearing it, and giving her a wide berth.