Check out some similar questions!

gt5000 · Mar 25, 2010, 03:21 AM

My girlfriend and I were really good friends before we started dating and she's the first girl I've been with in 5 years. One of the girls from my other job got my number and began texting me. I was quite flattered and didn't take into consideration my girlfriends feelings when I responded back. I wasn't thinking so I made the mistake of being as open in my responses as I was with my current girlfriend. Before her and I started dating,when she was still curious about me. I'm a very open person and being single for so long never really cared much about what information people had about me. So I responded the same way I always had, honestly. When my girlfriend read the texts she was really really hurt by my responses. I feel and felt really terrible. I will probably never forgive myself for hurting her, but I meant nothing by it and was just going along and being my open self. I wasn't thinking about how my girlfriend would react if she found out. I didn't try to hide it, I had no secrets with her, I just had the mindset that its no big deal. In hindsight, I was wrong. I should have shut this other girl down immediately and told I had a girlfriend and her line of questioning was inappropriate. But I didn't and the damage is done. She no longer trusts me and I don't think she ever will again. She has since broken up with me citing lack of sparks, and not really being into me that much. Then I saw her one night a couple of weeks later and she drunk, so I go say hi to her and give her a hug and she immediately starts to kiss me. Then starts asking why I did it and why did I text this other girl. I explained the situation to her again and again apologized. Long story short, I stayed the night with her, told her I loved her and pretty much laid my heart and emotions on the table. Came to her house the next day with a huge bouquet and talked to her about the previous night. She gave me some other excuses about why we couldn't be together,(she's moving, she wants to be independent, she has issues she needs to work on) she also says almost to herself that no ones ever treated her with so much respect and she is afraid something bad will happen. I say the only way something bad is going to happen is if you make it happen.She also says, I only like her so much because she's the first girl I've been with in so long. I disagreed with her and told her why I was with her, because she was the first girl in 5 years I wanted to be with. So I kiss her and leave. Next day at work, she says no ones ever bought her flowers before. So when I get off work, I go to the flower store and buy her a bunch more flowers and leave them on her doorstep. When she gets home, she calls and says she never should have said she loved me and she didn't have those feelings for me and she felt guilty for accepting the flowers. So I accept it, thank her for being honest and tell her I have more respect for her for being so honest and resolve to move on. A day later she texts me and tells me she hates not talking to me, to which I respond, "I love you and I miss you and the last month you shut me out put me through hell and I'm sorry for not being a better boyfriend etc..." She responds "I'm hurting too and I miss you too" So we talk for 4 hrs on the phone and she says she wants to give me a chance, but it doesn't mean we are getting back together. I'm fine with that, she was my best friend while we were dating. I stay the night at her house a couple of days later and the next day she is cold to me. I start pushing for a relationship and I knew I shouldn't have but my feelings got the best of me and I really upset her. Again she tells me that relationships are too much work, she isn't attracted to me anymore and there is no spark. Now she wants me to sleep with other girls and tell her if I still feel the same way about her after I do that. She want me to tell her when I sleep with another girl. She said I might like her reaction. I don't want to sleep another girl, I'm still in love with this one. She said I only like her this much because she's the first girl I've been with in 5 years. I like her this much because of how good of a person she is. I waited 6 months to make a move on her, after we had been really good friends and got to know each other. I made a mistake I didn't realize I was making and knowing I hurt her kills me. Is there anything I can do? So far the only thing I can come up with is to leave her alone and move on with my life, so that is what I'm doing.
Any input is appreciated.

amicon · Mar 25, 2010, 03:48 AM

The only thing you've come up with,is the wisest course of action.

Leave her well alone,get on with your life and heal from the heartbreak.

Some things aren't meant to be,sorry,this is one of them.

Romefalls19 · Mar 25, 2010, 05:12 AM

Now you know how to proceed with texting people while in relationships. You don't openly state what exactly what was said but you need to leave her alone and let her heal and work things out between yourself.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2010, 08:33 AM

In all of this, I missed how long you were together, and frankly it's a red flag when couples break up over glitches, instead of talking about it, and working through it. She has issues that you haven't seen, or acknowledged.

Another weird thing is her telling you to tell her of your sexual exploits, and making that such a good thing to do. That makes me suspicious of her motives.

For your part, let me tell you straight, leave her alone guy, and keep your dignity and self respect. I would hate to call you a wuss, or a puppy dog, but that's how you acted, as a truly innocent guy would be very PI$$ED at a female who dumps, and rejects him, when he has done nothing wrong, and she has punished you like a bad dog. When she rejected you again, but demoted you to friendship, that should have made you madder, as it must be a game going on for sure, and her telling you to get other girls simply confirms it.

You would see this for yourself, if you look beyond the broken heart, and start putting the facts together. Turn this around, by cutting contact with her, and disappearing from her life.

I know, people always have that shred of hope, that the partner that dumps them will change their minds, and reconsider their decision to dump you, but in every case almost, its that false hope that makes you do stupid silly things that compromises your dignity, and self respect, and removes all attractions, and respect that they once had, and its replaced by resentment, and scorn.

Don't be one of those, just start doing your thing, and if you leave her alone, not try to be a puppy wanting her attention, under guise of FRIENDS, or BEST FRIENDS, then the message is clear, you don't play the immature break up games, and get strung along at her whim, and will, as thats no substitute for communicating, and working together.

If she really cared, she would vent her hurt, and work with you, not play this game, of break up, and wimp you out, by making you kiss her sweet butt on command. Thats for DOGS and PETS, not MEN (or woman for that matter).

DISAPPEAR, and when there is contact, let it be known, you have no time for the silly games. Now I warn you that females can make you feel guilty through emotions, but if you stand firm, you will see if she is worth your future attention, or not. I doubt she is.

Begging and hoping is not the way to go. She dumped YOU! Its up to her to get YOU back, not the other way around, and if she cared, she would.

Lucky098 · Mar 25, 2010, 09:22 AM

You definitely need to leave her alone. She is just stringing you along and breaking your heart every step of the way.

Would you continue to keep your hand on a burner thinking that someone may come alone and turn it off? No. So why are you torturing yourself?

She loves you, yet she can't be with you. She enjoys you telling her that you love her, but only when the moment arises.

As for the text messages... She had every right to be mad at you.. But to escalate the situation to break up and all this crazy non-commital stuff... She was planning it. She was waiting for you to screw up. Or at least that's how it sounds.

Its never easy to walk away from something that is so great. But what would you rather have? Memories of all the wonderful times you had together? Or memories of how she just kept stringing you along and breaking your heart every step of the way?

If you're feeling vengeful, not speaking to her, moving on with your life... will definitely prove your point. She enjoys you in her life when its convinient for her. The min. she allows you to think its OK to move to the next step, she steps out quickly leaving you looking dumb.

neverme · Mar 25, 2010, 11:30 AM

I would definitely leave her alone, she has disrespected you and played with your emotions.

Yes, you were wrong in texting some other girl, but that is not a reason for her to shut you out. And to be honest her other reasons seem to be more on the money. Seems to me that she wanted out but didn't want to look like the bad guy so she put the onus on you.

Time to move on and forget this girl.

gt5000 · Mar 25, 2010, 05:42 PM

We were really good friend for about a year then I started dating her because she was so interested in me and my life. She always looked at me like I was a rockstar and treated me like a king. I had to give us a chance. We were physical for about 6 months. I don't get pissed when someone rejects me, I look for the things that I did wrong. My dad had anger issues that way and I never wanted to be like him so I work really hard not to be. I hope that doesn't come across as being weak. If it does, then I will work on it.
I work with her everyday, should I still shut her out? I have been told that if I freeze her out I will look immature and insecure and I should just be polite and only talk to her if she initiates contact. Which is what I have been doing.
You guys all have such great advice, I wish I would have found this a month ago.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2010, 07:14 PM

Feel awkward around her, or can you cope with it?

gt5000 · Mar 25, 2010, 07:43 PM

There is no awkwardness. When I made the decision to move on, I immediately felt better. It created distance for me. I would prefer to cut all contact because that would be easiest but might not be the best thing. The last thing I want to do is appear weak or insecure because I am neither.

friend4u178 · Mar 25, 2010, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by gt5000

There is no awkwardness. When I made the decision to move on, I immediately felt better. It created distance for me. I would prefer to cut all contact because that would be easiest but might not be the best thing. The last thing I want to do is appear weak or insecure because I am neither.

Disappearing does not make you look weak or insecure in fact it does the opposite.

But if you were to hang around and constantly text , email etc. trying to get her back , which is what a lot of people do , that makes you look weak and insecure ;)

gt5000 · Mar 25, 2010, 08:41 PM

Oh, I definitely don't do that! I tried to logic her back into a relationship once and I tried talking to her about it 3 times, but I don't call and I don't text and I don't email. I do have to see her everyday at work and when I freeze her out, she gives me this sad sorry smile and acts very submissive toward me. The first time I froze her out for a day and she texted me that she hated not talking to me and that she was hurting and she missed me. I guess I should have made her put a little more effort into me opening back up because once I did, she closed off again saying she just didn't feel that way about me...

Larken85 · Mar 26, 2010, 12:32 AM

Wow what an annoying game that is huh? I say if you got to work with her you should be respectfully distant from her. Meaning do what you have been doing but to a more intense degree. Like if she says hi, just nod at her. If she texts you asking questions, give her very vague answers. Or if she starts doing the submissive thing, just act like it doesn't bother you even though I know it does. It is hard to deny a submissive girl (but then again that's not really being submissive is it? Is that not just a way of getting what you want the easiest way possibe i.e. agressive). She may feel sad atm, but she doesn't overall and you need to move on. Heal up and slowly extract her from your life.

amicon · Mar 26, 2010, 12:49 AM

As you can't go NC-polite but very busy,and only discuss workrelated issues.

gt5000 · Mar 27, 2010, 04:55 PM

Thanks everyone, your advice is greatly appreciated and means a lot to me. You've given me much to think about when the sadness starts creeping back in.

blove35 · Apr 25, 2011, 07:03 AM

My girlfriend left me because of the same thing its been 3 weeks I'm still hurting but I haven't contacted her she texting me for her thing I told her to send a friend over to come and get it I love her but the other hand she left I feel bad on what I did but I have to learn from my mistakes,.