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Larken85 · Mar 26, 2010, 05:24 AM

I know the type. I hope the devorce goes well for you. And since you have several count of infadelity on your side I suggest making the A## H### pay out the a##. Just a little last tip of advice lol. If he doesn't have a moral problem with what he did, maybe a money problem will get it through his thick skull.

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 05:27 AM

Unfortunately it wouldn't be the first time he has been there, although denied it in court he was charged... and stupid stupid me believed him over her (an ex) I will without a doubt if he turns that way head straight to the police.

Everyday seems hard but I know ill get there and I made the right choice all round... how do you get through the days and nights when you miss having someone's good points... even if he was a complete SH*T... he was a real charmer hence all the various women which just makes me sick to my stomach but how does life move on?

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 05:51 AM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

Unfortunately it wouldnt be the first time he has been there, although denied it in court he was charged....and stupid stupid me believed him over her (an ex) i will without a doubt if he turns that way head straight to the police.

Everyday seems hard but i know ill get there and i made the right choice all round.....how do you get through the days and nights when you miss having someones good points....even if he was a complete SH*T....he was a real charmer hence all the various women which just makes me sick to my stomach but how does life move on??

How do you get through the nights... You thank God you got away in time, that you didn't get an STd and you cry a lot. It will be bad for a while but when your love someone and trust is broken you hate them as well.

I would suggest concentrating on how he is going to feel one of these days when the tables are turned. Remember, what goes round comes round. But the surprising thing will be you won't even care. Love blinds
Us to the things we need to see sometimes. When we do finally get hurt enough and realize we've been manipulated and used it hits like a punch in the stomach.

It won't be easy, but I believe you know this is the choice you have to make. Consider everything and then find a great lawyer and then let the hubby lie awake at night wondering where you are, what you're doing.how is he going to pay all that alimony and court cost.

Oh yes and child support . Good luck Jodi! Stay with us.:)

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 06:03 AM

Something that just occurred to me which is really sad, he is nearly a 40 yr old man, now no marriage, a haphazard job with no regular income, 5+ kids out there (that I no of) he doest see (again that I no of but would have loved him to have) what kind of sad life will he lead and where will he end up... a very unhappy man with little spurts of happiness till he gets caught out again... its so sad, I wouldn't wish that life on anyone, even him and I can't believe I'm even thinking about him and feeling bad for him...

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

Something that just occured to me which is really sad, he is nearly a 40 yr old man, now no marriage, a haphazard job with no regular income, 5+ kids out there (that i no of) he doest see (again that i no of but would have loved him to have) what kind of sad life will he lead and where will he end up.....a very unhappy man with little spurts of happiness till he gets caught out again....its so sad, i wouldnt wish that life on anyone, even him and i can't believe im even thinking about him and feeling bad for him........

Shows you have a good heart and it also shows you are much to good to be treated like garbage. Pray about this. If you believe in God pray as hard as you can. God will walk through this with you, in fact in times like this he carries us. Keep posting. We're all here! Blessings Jodi, I wish I could take some of your pain away. Unfortunately all I can do is give you advice and pray I'm telling you the right thing. :)

jo_dy · Mar 26, 2010, 07:08 AM

This is where I wonder how much of a good person I am because I really want to call or mail him ask what was he thinking, this sounds but this woman isn't even a little bit nice looking and I know a sound like a bi*ch but what was he thinking?? Was she that needy so that's what turned him on? I don't get it and feel insulted that he could with anyone and why someone better looking and younger than me etc... my head is sucha mess and I don't know why I feel the need to tell him this

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

This is where i wonder how much of a good person i am because i really want to call or mail him ask what was he thinking, this sounds but this woman isnt even a little bit nice looking and i know a sound like a bi*ch but what was he thinking??? Was she that needy so thats what turned him on?? I dont get it and feel insulted that he could with anyone and why someone better looking and younger than me etc.......my head is sucha mess and i dont know why i feel the need to tell him this

He does it to make himself feel like he is Mr. Cool, Mr. "I can still get the woman"
You know what ticks me off about situations like yours? When you start getting over him and start moving on (and you will) you will probably get a divorce and someone will come into your life someday when you are over this jerk. Guess what will happen? He will want you back and you are going to look at him and think; What in the world did I ever see in this man?

You will kick yourself because you put up with it as long as you did. He's
Not doing this because of you, he's doing because he can. Women are out there and he seems to know how to get them. You are probably much more attractive and more classy than his bar room pickups and men like him have to keep telling themselves and proving they still have it. Good riddance to him... :)

myagony1234 · Mar 26, 2010, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

Something that just occured to me which is really sad, he is nearly a 40 yr old man, now no marriage, a haphazard job with no regular income, 5+ kids out there (that i no of) he doest see (again that i no of but would have loved him to have) what kind of sad life will he lead and where will he end up.....a very unhappy man with little spurts of happiness till he gets caught out again....its so sad, i wouldnt wish that life on anyone, even him and i can't believe im even thinking about him and feeling bad for him........

I agree with you. It is really sad, and his is pathatic. Having 5 kids, facing another divorce, and will loose a nice wife like you... I wonder what he has in his mind when he sleep with strangers.
It is so sad that some people just do not grow up eough to manage own life ever... Please take care of yourself. I wish your best luck.

Kitkat22 · Mar 26, 2010, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by myagony1234

I agree with you. It is really sad, and his is pathatic. Having 5 kids, facing another divorce, and will loose a nice wife like you... I wonder what he has in his mind when he sleep with strangers.
It is so sad that some people just do not grow up eough to manage own life ever... Please take care of yourself. I wish your best luck.

Jodi.. I was talking with a friend of mine several years ago on the phone. We were in High School together and still talk nearly every week. She lives in Idaho now. We were having a real laugh fest when her husband yelled at her telling her to get off the d---
Phone and fix his breakfast.

I knew he was a little different than the guys we knew in High School
But until then I didn't know she was being emotionally abused and sometimes that leaves worse scars than physical abuse.

She has changed from an outgoing,friendly woman to a withdrawn person I don't know. I finally just asked what's going on? She said he was just going through a bad time. We had a mutual friend who
Passed away several weeks ago and I called to tell her and she broke down on the phone and started weeping.

I gave her the same advice I'm giving you, don't let this man make you feel ugly or inept at anything. He is sick! He is a manipulator.
I don't know why they go after the slummy women, maybe they like someone who is trashy and believe me when I tell you there are women out there who don't mind if a man is married or not. They see someone who is going to take care of them.

Don't let him tear down your self esteem anymore. He is a low life.
Don't get even, get alimony! Keep posting! Stay Strong! You are stronger than you think! Pick yourself up and believe in you again! He's taken enough and you have given way too much. Dry your tears and put on some makeup, get your nails done and go with friend to dinner. If he doesn't like it tell him to STUFF IT! I mean it it. :)

jo_dy · Mar 27, 2010, 04:13 AM

Thank you guys so much for your support, it means so much and is helping me every day.

In our earlier relationship he used to be an emotional abuser blaming me for everything and I put an end to that after I became quite down and felt 'ME' slipping away... once he could see how strong I was and am he didn't do it anymore but then he plays on different things to get in your head... like us having a baby for one thing... we have tried for years and its just not happening so it makes it even worse for me to sleep with some random and get her pregnant... I am waiting for the comments about not being a real woman from him but I think looking back my body must have been rejecting him as it was not meant to be and I would be tied to him more so than what I am now!!

I don't think he thought of anything but himself laying with all these different women, he just thought this is great and I don't need her and I can get someone to love me... maybe... I don't even know what he was thinking and never really will!

I am lucky to have a few good friends around me who are there and support me

When I think about it and him it makes me feel sick and my stomach goes funny and I have questions running round my head with no answers but in a way I have the answers... he slept with someone else... the end... full stop!

jo_dy · Mar 27, 2010, 09:36 AM

And now I have just had a horrible call from him, he doesn't like how I'm talking to him disrespectfully!! Can you believe it? And how if I can do it over the phone then to do it to his face then... his way of saying he'll go for me if I dare to!

Also that I need to get over this quick and not to talk to him like that...

Kitkat22 · Mar 27, 2010, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

And now i have just had a horrible call from him, he doesnt like how im talking to him disrespectfully!!!! Can you believe it? And how if i can do it over the phone then to do it to his face then.....his way of saying he'll go for me if i dare to!!

Also that i need to get over this quick and not to talk to him like that.....

Now that ticks me off! Tell him to leave you alone! Tell him to go sleep with the dogs he chose to run with. Chane your number! Tell him if he chooses to call you you will get a restaining order against him! Talk to your police department tell them he is threatening you. Get a can of mace!:(

ohsohappy · Mar 27, 2010, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

And now i have just had a horrible call from him, he doesnt like how im talking to him disrespectfully!!!! Can you believe it? And how if i can do it over the phone then to do it to his face then.....his way of saying he'll go for me if i dare to!!

Also that i need to get over this quick and not to talk to him like that.....

It's funny to me that he has the nerve to call you out on "talking to him disrespectfully" when he has done absolutely NOTHING to earn that respect. Furthermore, he has betrayed you. It's not the other way around. What in God's green earth makes him think that he's entitled to ANY respect from you?Especially after he disrespected you for your entire marriage, and even disrespected the marriage itself?

I for one think that you SHOULD tell him that, although not to his face because from the way it sounds he's trying to goad you so that he has an opportunity to hurt you. You stay far away from this man if you don't have protection. If he wants to yell at you and threaten you, then you have every right to hang up on him. You don't have to listen to his BS, so don't. You don't need him lecturing you on respect when he doesn't even know the real definition.
Screw him, he's just a tiny man with a big ego and he deserves what he gets.

You go at this divorce FULL FORCE. Do NOT hold back on what you deserve because you're scared of him, get everything you can and get away.

I want to punch him in the face. :mad:

EDIT: When all is said and done, change your number, and possibly find a new place to stay if it's possible.

ohsohappy · Mar 27, 2010, 01:51 PM

comments on this post
Kitkat22 agrees: I'll help you punch him in the face! Good advice ohso

Heee hee :D

jo_dy · Mar 27, 2010, 03:19 PM

[QUOTE=ohsohappy;2291881]It's funny to me that he has the nerve to call you out on "talking to him disrespectfully" when he has done absolutely NOTHING to earn that respect. Furthermore, he has betrayed you. It's not the other way around. What in God's green earth makes him think that he's entitled to ANY respect from you?Especially after he disrespected you for your entire marriage, and even disrespected the marriage itself?

I will tell him exactly that, he has really upset me today as this is in no my fault and if he's expecting me to be all happy and jolly when I speak to him he is really wrong!

He is a sad man and I'm slowing losing those feelings for him already.

Still feeling hurt and sad though!! Wish that would go

jo_dy · Mar 27, 2010, 03:22 PM

It's funny to me that he has the nerve to call you out on "talking to him disrespectfully" when he has done absolutely NOTHING to earn that respect. Furthermore, he has betrayed you. It's not the other way around. What in God's green earth makes him think that he's entitled to ANY respect from you?Especially after he disrespected you for your entire marriage, and even disrespected the marriage itself?

jo_dy · Mar 27, 2010, 03:23 PM

I will tell him exactly that, he has really upset me today as this is in no my fault and if he's expecting me to be all happy and jolly when I speak to him he is really wrong!

He is a sad man and I'm slowing losing those feelings for him already.

Still feeling hurt and sad though!! Wish that would go

ohsohappy · Mar 27, 2010, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by jo_dy

I will tell him exactly that, he has really upset me today as this is in no my fault and if he's expecting me to be all happy and jolly when i speak to him he is really wrong!!

He is a sad man and im slowing losing those feelings for him already.

Still feeling hurt and sad though!!! Wish that would go

You know at this rate those feelings will be gone before you know it. The situation hurts more than the loss of the relationship I can tell you that much, and it's more from feeling ashamed that you even picked a man that would do this to you than it is from actually losing him.

He needs to get one thing straight. He was the one that was in the wrong, You owe him absolutely NOTHING. So don't give anything except for what he deserves; that would be a cold shoulder and divorce papers. He doesn't have to like it one bit, but who cares, I'm pretty sure you don't appreciate what he's done. The way I see it, you're doing what you need to do. Don't second guess yourself. The bottom line is that you deserve better than what he's been able or willing to give to you, and you shouldn't have to settle, and it's selfish of him to expect you to.

Kitkat22 · Mar 27, 2010, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

You know at this rate those feelings will be gone before you know it. The situation hurts more than the loss of the relationship I can tell you that much, and it's more from feeling ashamed that you even picked a man that would do this to you than it is from actually losing him.

He needs to get one thing straight. He was the one that was in the wrong, You owe him absolutely NOTHING. So don't give anything except for what he deserves; that would be a cold shoulder and divorce papers. He doesn't have to like it one bit, but who cares, I'm pretty sure you don't appreciate what he's done. the way I see it, you're doing what you need to do. Don't second guess yourself. The bottom line is that you deserve better than what he's been able or willing to give to you, and you shouldn't have to settle, and it's selfish of him to expect you to.

Jodi.. you owe yourself some happiness and he isn't going you bring you anything but more sadness. You can get through this. It will take time and you cry and rant and cry some more, but it does get better!:)

myagony1234 · Mar 28, 2010, 04:04 AM

Hi jo_dy,
I hope you feel better everyday. Here is my thought.

Originally Posted by jo_dy

In our earlier relationship he used to be an emotional abuser blaming me for everything and i put an end to that after i became quite down and felt 'ME' slipping away.....once he could see how strong i was and am he didnt do it anymore but then he plays on different things to get in your head....like us having a baby for one thing.....we have tried for years and its just not happening so it makes it even worse for me to sleep with some random and get her pregnant....

It sums up the abusive type of relationship you have had with him. From early on, he has brain washed you, made you submissive to take the whole unfair treatment he gave to you without analyzing. You must did it to keep the marriage.
Your (you and your husband) infertility is NOT a reason to he can sleep around with other women whatsoever. Period. You put yourself overly down here. I understand he never treated you good, and you have tendency to blame yourself here. Please do not ever blame yourself for nothing include infertility or try to understand his motive to cheat ever. Period. It is fully BS.

Originally Posted by jo_dy

he slept with someone else.....the end....full stop!!

Exactly! You do not even have to think. Just drop him like a stinky trash.

Originally Posted by jo_dy

And now i have just had a horrible call from him, he doesnt like how im talking to him disrespectfully!!!! Can you believe it?

It also sums up what kind of moron he is. He has cheated on you, and still need respect from you? By what? He still thinks he can control you by yelling and blaming you as before. His BS is not working anymore.
Please open your eyes, see the ugly reality. You have abandoned true yourself & strength to keep this marriage, but his BS era is clearly over. Be strong & independent woman again, and find your happiness WITHOUT him.
You will be 100% much happier without cheater in your life BY YOUR OWN.
You will be 200% much happier if you meet someone nice in your future after get rid of this cheater.
So, what are you waiting for?
Please run fast emotionally, legally and physically from this cheater. Everything happens for reason. You must deserved the much happier life from now on. Cheers!!