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talaniman · Mar 13, 2010, 09:15 PM

I think you leave, and sort yourself out and then make a decision for yourself without his influence, in a safe peaceful environment.

Arguing solves nothing. So its time to go.

Kitkat22 · Mar 14, 2010, 04:42 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

I actually agree with Jake. Marriage is about commitment and working things out. Remember your vows? "For better or for worse".

It seems you haven't been able to forgive your husband for lying to you about his brush with the law. Now you're arguing with him and making out as if your problems and your lack of feelings for him are his fault.

We all make mistakes and we're all fallible. This is part of being human. Our partners sometimes disappoint and embarrass us. This is part of being in a marriage.

If this is totally out of character for him then why can't you forgive him?

I would take a step back and look more closely at this situation that is partly created by you being angry with him. His anger, is in fact, a projection of your own.

Although I would never advocate someone stay in a violent marriage I'd suggest you back off a little. Give your husband - who you loved when you married him - a break. Is it really worth being so unforgiving and angry?

I also agree with your friends. You are being far too hard on him. Your marriage is not about 'cutting your losses', when things don't go the way you'd like - it's about giving him another chance and treating him with the love and respect that you would expect for yourself.

Try it. You may be surprised at how the dynamic between you changes.

F there is no love left you may fiind by separating for a while will make you see that you still love him. But if he gets help for his anger issues it's worth trying to save, unless he grows violent and starts hiitting you!

Kitkat22 · Jun 30, 2010, 05:29 PM

I totally agree

Stringer · Jun 30, 2010, 07:21 PM

I have always believed that 'cheating' starts in your heart. When you decide that you are going to do it you have cheated yourself at that moment. You have to keep a solid emotional and faithful foundation in your life to make things matter. If not then cheating is only the first step towards more emotional stress and floundering.

Stringer

Kitkat22 · Jun 30, 2010, 07:27 PM

I think it's the worst feeling a spouse can have is knowing the person they loved and trusted has betrayed them.

It makes a woman feel degraded and I suppose a man feels the same way. My first husband was a master manipulator and I trusted and believed in him.

Your heart can actually break. He among other things was an abusive self centered mommas boy.

They say you everyone has someone meant just for them. I have my love, my friend my heart.
My husband made up for all the bad things in my first marriage.

Lucky098 · Jun 30, 2010, 08:19 PM

If he's already lying to you and keeping secrets, I doubt it will ever change.

When he finally came clean with the theft, did he look very remorseful? Almost embarrassed? He could have kept it a secret due to the high expectations you do have for him. He may not have told you because he KNOWS that's not his true characture.

I think there is more to this story then just what you have to say. But if you honestly can tell yourself that you no longer love him, then you need to get out of the marriage. Right now you don't have any kids and haven't been married for very long. Not a lot of things to break apart. If you feel like this isn't going to work now due to him possibly showing his true colors, then leave before more gets involved such as kids and bigger bills...

Good luck

Kitkat22 · Jun 30, 2010, 09:07 PM

You need to get out and stay away.

aimee_tt · Jun 30, 2010, 09:27 PM

My Aunty married a man with a bad temper. Since then she gets regular beatings.

Not only has she suffered but her kids have. My cousin when she was younger used to wet the bed occasionally up until the age of 18 when she moved out of home.

Her brother also has a bad temper and like father like son he has hit his mum a few times.

Their little brother was conceived through rape and now talks down to his mum just like her father.

She has tried to leave but he threatened to kill her. She put him in jail only to find out 2 weeks later he was out and at the front door saying let me in or else.

He has also been sleeping with the lady next door...

Do you want this to happen to you? Leave now because I can tell you if my aunty had of been told before she got married what her future was she would have left him.

Get out while you can