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babygirl27 · Nov 29, 2006, 06:42 PM

I am dating a really good friend of mine now , we are really close and I felt comfortable enough to explore my sexuality with him. I have been bicurous for awhile but recently tried it partly for us but partly for me. I really enjoyed being in a threesome with him(me and another girl). I surprised myself and him.

Here's the catch, I really love him and want to make it work. I know him like the back of my hand because we were good friends and I know he likes women a lot and doesn't have a good track record of being faithfull, but he is honest with me about it and has never lied or hurt me. He says ne needs a woman to be patient with him. etc.

So I was thinknig now that I like this so much could this relationship work long term now. I ended it a couple times before when he have tried,because I did not think he had that aspect I was looking for in a relationship. He always come back looking for me and refuses to let it go between us.

But now this has been thrown in to the mix and if I brought other woman in for our own pleasure would this fix the problem I have always had in the back of my mind- the problem of him potenialy wondering for sex from other women.

It's the olny problem I have with his personlity otherwise he's everything I ever wanted in a man.

geekwithguitar · Nov 30, 2006, 02:55 PM

First thing.

I am a guy and I will give you my perspective. I love my girlfriend we have been together for 3 years, and have sex often. I don't go to strip clubs, or bars to pick up other women, and I try to only focus on her and think of her sexually all the time.

You being in a relationship with a person that you have been friends with for a long time is not always the best route to go. You said that he does not have a good track record of being faithful and that he is always honest about it. If he is willing to go behind your back and be unfaithful with women, then he is definitely not someone you can trust. "trust" is important. You should know that you are cherished and desired by him and that when he and you are having sex, that he isn't think of the girl you just had a threesome with last week, or the girl that he is has just slept with and is going to tell you after your done.

Long term to me, means your thinking of 3 to 5 years down the road maybe even marriage. This is a good thing, but not with a guy like him. You don't want to be forming a family and subjecting your future children to a father who is unfaithful to their mother, whether he says he is up front with you or not. Which he definitely is probably telling you 85% of the things he has done, and is conviencing himself that he is being honest.

My father cheated on my mother a few times in their marriage and they are ending their marriage this year. Divorce sucks, and it is because he choose to sleep with other women over my mom, and that that was more important than his family. You thinking that if I have a threesome with another girl and my boyfriend will fix him from wondering from girl to girl behind my back is not a good idea. This reinforces his habit of sexuality. Every guy dreams of having sex with two girls, which is amazing that you decided to do that... wow... but it won't stop him from wondering, it will only encourage it. It might even get to the point where he is bringing home the girls for you both to have sex with, or for you to just watch as he and her have sex.

Lastly, he runs back to you because he knows you'll take him back because you have been good friends and because you have become physically intimate with each other. He says he wants a girl to be patient with him because he isn't willing to settle for one girl "you", and he wants to play around as much as he can.

In sum, you need to cut it off for good. Continuing to do threesomes to keep him from wondering will only encourage his behaviour not cherish you more or take his mind off other girls. Find a guy that loves you for who you and doesn't need his fantasies to become true in order to love you and be faithful and trustworthy for you.

moyra · Nov 30, 2006, 03:20 PM

This is one of the saddest stories I've read, the only advice I could give you is go and purchase a book its called women who love too much and it is written by Robin Norwood. This book is for women who are drawn into unhappy and destructive relationships with men. It takes a hard look at how powerfully addictive these unhealthy relationships are - but also gives a very specific programme for recovery from the disease of loving too much.

babygirl27 · Dec 1, 2006, 12:37 PM

can I hear from some people who have had threesomes before or are in a haapy marriage where this is the case. I value everyone opinion but not everyone is the same in their belief systems and there are plaenty of people out there that are happlily marreid with a swinging lifestyle.
Sorry if you feel this is sad because with or without this guy in mind I like the idea of threesomes and my questions was just pertaining to wheter this could be a positive outcome for us.

moyra · Dec 1, 2006, 01:02 PM

Well I'm not psychic, I'm not married and HEY I'm not even a swinger but I'm going to reply to your question anyway the answer is NO! Will I say it again No, again No there will be No positive outcome for you both. If I'm wrong though get back to me and I will eat my shoes!

I think its great if your wanting a threesome everyone to their own and all that, but you don't have threesomes for "YOU WANTED TO BRING WOMEN IN TO SORT THE PROBLEM OF HIM WANDERING FOR SEX FROM OTHER WOMEN"

So NO their will be NO positive outcome for you both, sorry, I would love to give you a different answer but I cant.

babygirl27 · Dec 1, 2006, 02:17 PM

To clear things up I did not say I was doing it to soort the problem of him wandering. I contemplated for two years in sexual activity like this and waiting for a time it was right for me and that I was doing it for the right reason.

My question was since I do like it was this something that would possible be a benefit to the situation.

moyra · Dec 1, 2006, 04:20 PM

I need to sleep on this one my brain is frazzled, maybe you do need a psychic?! I know, I can't see any possible benefit to your situation at all by bringing other women into your... um them relationship?

I will have a good nights sleep and maybe I'll be refreshed with a view point you can relate to, as long as you don't move the goalposts again.

moyra · Dec 2, 2006, 07:33 AM

I'm really sorry, I've had a good nights sleep and I just can't see it any other way. I think you have forgotten what you first wrote when you brought this problem forward.

I hope you can get a psychic to help you or someone else's point of view because I can't change mine or write it differently sorry.

I think you and your good friend should buy lots and lots of condoms and hopefully live happily ever after?

Her · Dec 29, 2006, 01:48 PM

I can see eye to eye with you here. I'm sorry you had to have so many - uhem- "conservative" statements from the same person before you could get another opinion. I have been married for almost 4 years now. My husband and I were best friends before we became romantically involved. We are both the happiest we have ever been. We like to explore our own sexualities and keep open minds for each other, and we share everything. We have recently been discussing threesomes. Only about 2 or 3 years ago did I realize that I was also attracted to women. Neither of us are ready to make that leap yet, but at least we know how each other feels about it and that it is something we are willing to consider for one another. We will take as long as we need to in order for us both to be on the same page at the same time.

I personally think you are on the right track: keeping everything slowed (or sped) to a pace that you are both comfortable with, and staying honest and open with one another. I think it is true that he doesn't want to settle down quite yet, but he is blessed to have a soul mate that understands that. My husband and I had a period of breaking up in our past because he didn't understand that of me...

As long as the two of you stay open and honest about everything there is no reason why it shouldn't work. You two might even be interested in finding other polyamorous people (or a group) in your area, so that you know for sure that everyone involved (even the 3rd party) is on the same page. In order for it to work, openness and honesty has to flow both ways through the 3rd party as well...

... you may even try something new for you both: try having the 3rd party be male once. I think it would be the two of you closer to have such an experience (one neither of you had tried or fantasized about before): and then talk about it... I find Ecstasy to be good for this, honestly.

So that's my two cents: staying on course in the direction you are headed will be successful for all involved!. and by the way I am psychic.

akmediascope · Jul 7, 2012, 01:08 AM

You need to know what your boundaries are. DO NOT bring a child into this world under these conditions. You need to know for sure if you are monogamous and exclusive, or polyandrous and open because going back and forth or not defining yourselves is not healthy and maybe you are too young and inexperienced to know what you want. You need to know clearly what you want to live. Sexuality is one of the strongest urges we have. It involves body chemicals that are very much like drugs and can be just as addictive. That is why we choose to involve love / It tempers these strong urges. We need to act on love and respect for our partner before we act on chemical attraction. You must care for the partner you choose otherwise you might as well date a lemon merigue pie. It is tastier and doesn't talk back