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    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #1

    Mar 9, 2010, 03:02 PM
    Confusing Signals
    So I've been going on dates with this guy for around two months now. A couple weeks ago, he started acting distant and I asked him why. His response was that he was being distant because he felt like we took things too quickly and wanted to slow things down. He said he wanted to hang out just as much, but in a more friendly way. We met soon after that and he would do things like touch my hair, which I don't consider completely friendly. What's his deal? And what does that mean?
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #2

    Mar 9, 2010, 03:16 PM
    Sounds like he wants a friendship.

    Sounds like you want something more.

    The deal is, you're not on the same page.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #3

    Mar 9, 2010, 03:47 PM
    Sounds like he likes you but wants to keep his distance regarding a relationship.

    He has been honest and said that he wants to take it slowly.

    Why don't you back off a bit and be less available?

    Try not to analyze it too much and just let it unfold slowly - that way you won't be too disappointed if it doesn't work out.
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #4

    Mar 9, 2010, 08:11 PM

    I agree with gemini. Back off a little and let it go slowly like he wants it to. He could be afraid of serious relationships and perhaps could have gotten really hurt in the past for jumping in too soon. Just take it slow and let him get comfortable with you.
    I'd say the touching of the hair is just his way of moving it up a step slowly. He probably isn't 100% comfortable with letting himself fall for you and that's why he backed off so suddenly. Just like I said, comfort him and make him know that you will go his pace.
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #5

    Mar 9, 2010, 09:42 PM

    I have been, letting him pretty much plan everything and not talking to him as often. The thing is the last relationship he was in he was with this crazy women. She actually showed up at his house while I was there at one in the morning and gave him a six page letter and a bag of things. All his other relationships lasted a really long time- years.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Mar 13, 2010, 08:28 PM

    Slowing things down a bit allows him to get to know you better, and make sure your not like his crazy ex.

    A good idea as a few months is not that long to know about some one, so he is just being cautious with his heart.
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #7

    Mar 17, 2010, 02:29 AM

    After two weeks, I asked him directly if he was still confused. He said that he was sorry, and that he thought that he made it clear before. He said that he just started to see me in a more friendly way and that there were other people he liked also. I saw it coming, but I'm still really bummed out. It's hard not blaming myself, but at least he was honest. Life goes on right? ;) I wish rejection was easier to get over.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Mar 17, 2010, 06:54 AM

    You really weren't rejected, you just wanted more than he was ready to give at the time. He sounds very cautious, and that's not a bad thing.

    Guys like him may take months to make a decision. Can you blame him for having fun, getting to know people?
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #9

    Mar 17, 2010, 10:40 PM

    I wasn't really rejected? I guess it's hard to understand why he was interested at first, but isn't anymore.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #10

    Mar 17, 2010, 10:59 PM
    He has previously had very long term relationships... and now is confronted with multiple women he is interested in... but he might be hesitant to jump "all in" to any one of them...

    Personally, I think maybe he's got his head on straight... might need that step back

    As for it being a "rejection"... I don't think so... look at it this way... you intrigued him strong enough to maybe catch him off guard... put him off balance...

    And really... it cannot be a rejection of you... as if he could really get a full sense of who you are and what you are about in that short time.

    He might reject the notion of getting too involved. He might even back off if some things didn't quite fit... but I think "rejection" is too strong for that.

    If I date someone for a short time and they say "enough"... chalk it up to a bad fit or bad timing...

    I've actually loved (and not the young puppy love stuff) one woman I just couldn't be with... life circumstances... and another one that I didn't love, but was crazy attracted to but couldn't date at that time when we both were single... again... the noise of life in the way.

    It happens.

    You weren't rejected. You're just too dangerous for him. ;) how's that?
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #11

    Mar 17, 2010, 11:27 PM

    That's definitely some food for thought. Thank you, I'll have to think on that for a while.

    "dangerous" hmmmm
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #12

    Mar 19, 2010, 08:09 PM

    So I found out through the grape vine (my nosy evil friends) that he has started to date another girl who he met around the time that he was "confused."

    My question is, why am I not relationship material? What's wrong with me? I've dated a few guys recently and they've all seen me as a friend.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #13

    Mar 19, 2010, 10:40 PM

    I've been in this same situation and can tell you it never really got better. I'd beat myself up trying to figure out what the guy wanted, trying to convert what I wanted to what I thought he wanted, and it was really stupid. These guys aren't ready for much - they don't want to be lonely, but don't want a relationship either. They don't want to admit they just want a physical relationship. So they say one thing, do another until they drive you pretty much nuts. I'd walk if I were you.

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