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likkleanna · Mar 6, 2010, 03:20 PM

Before I was born my mum and dad was in a relationship everything was OK but when I was about 7 months old they broke up and my mum took me and we moved away but my dad tried to stay in contact with me you know sending birthday cards and christmas presents but my mum just sent them back to him which she now knows was selfish of her.
I always wondered what he would be like when I was little this great person who I don't know about who is meant to look after me and who I look up to for guidance, wonder what it would be like to meet him, my mum grew me up and she was like a mum and dad rolled into one and she did a great job at raising me too but it just wasn't enough, I needed more.
When I was 13 I went to my nans down south and I told her how I felt and she said I know where your dads mum lives so we went there and I met my other nan and grandad who rang my dad and we couldn't stop crying when he came and we talked for abit obviously I didn't speak that much as I was too nervous just trying to suss everyone out. My mum was upset when we told her we went to see my dad and that we went behiend her back, understandable because we did, but she was fine with it afterwards so me and my dad wrote to each other by letter and stayed in contact.
I met him for the secound time but we only saw each other for about 1 hour because I just wanted to back to the hotel with my mum because he was just a stranger to me.
Now I'm 19 and I haven't met my dad for the third time yet, he got married when I was 15 and didn't invite me to come, and his wife fell pregnant last year and gave birth he didn't tell me when his wife gave birth to my new step sister we don't hardly write anymore just a simple text every now and then and a card with money for my birthday and christmas.
The problem is 6 years on my dad is still a stranger to me from the day I met him, I feel he doesn't want me in his life and only texts and sends cards because its his duty or something and now has a new life with his wife and other daughter, I may be 19 but I'm still a girl and every girl needs her dad in her life I just feel maybe I'm better off without the grief and don't speak to him at all because he hasn't bothered why should I, but at the end of all this he is still my dad, what would you do if you was in my shoes?

Cyberstar · Mar 6, 2010, 03:52 PM

If you are craving a relationship with him simply because he's your dad, I would not continue to try to pursue it. Based on his actions, it seems like he's trying to move on and focus on his new family. Any efforts on your part to increase the closeness would likely be rebuffed and you would be hurt further.

It's understandable if you're curious and want to have a normal father-daughter relationship, but you say your mom did a great job of raising you and you seem to have grown up to be a responsible, self-sufficient person, so please realize that not being able to forge a closer relationship with your dad doesn't make you any less of one. My suggestion is to carry on as you always have. You said that "every girl needs a dad in her life"... I think that maybe what you are looking for is a father figure, and that doesn't necessarily have to be your dad.

Gemini54 · Mar 6, 2010, 07:38 PM

Why don't you write him a letter? He may be uncertain about how you feel and obviously he's busy with his new wife and child.

Remember that he got rejected a lot by your mother when you were young and that you have only met him briefly twice.

Look at it from his point of view, he may well have thought that you were not interested in him when you didn't speak to him the first time, and then when you went back to the hotel room after an hour the second time.

He's only human as well, and who knows, he may be feeling hurt too.

So, write him a letter and tell him you'd love to have more contact with him. Let him know you've felt shy and uncertain and that you hope that didn't put him off.

Take heart that he still sends cards and texts - at least he's still making an effort! The only way to really find out where he stands is to be honest about your feelings and ask him how he feels in return.

Take it slowly, as you would any new relationship, and don't expect too much - remember you've only seen him twice in 19 years!

cdad · Mar 6, 2010, 08:51 PM

Im going to take a different tack on this situation. What you have to remember is he was in a very awkward situation. Also right now your old enough to understand. What he doesn't want is to push you away. Sometimes that means letting go. What that basically translate to is that the ball is in your court. Its up to you to make the contact and to let him know what kind of contact that is. Most teens are so busy these days they can't be bothered and would rather push people away. He is giving you your space on purpose. Its up to you to realize that if you want the gap filled you need to make it happen. He most likely doesn't know how to go there. Don't take it as rejection because it is anything but that. Its an unselfish act to give you your space and to not caus you problems in your world. Only you know how much you can fit on your plate. If you want this then make it happen. Im sure he is waiting.

likkleanna · Mar 7, 2010, 05:19 AM

Thank you everyone for your comments, means a lot... im going to still speak to him slowly keep sending letters etc. as the relationship is still fresh I suppose as we are still strangers to each other, I was just angry with him really because its like his moving on with his life without me but I'm thinking I might go and see him in the summer see if we can talk for more than an hour this time lol tell him how I feel see where things go because his still my dad, thank you everyone again. :)

Gemini54 · Mar 7, 2010, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by likkleanna

Thankyou everyone for your comments, means alot....im going to still speak to him slowly keep sending letters etc. as the relationship is still fresh i suppose as we are still strangers to each other, i was just angry with him really because its like his moving on with his life without me but im thinking i might go and see him in the summer see if we can talk for more than an hour this time lol tell him how i feel see where things go because his still my dad, thankyou everyone again. :)

That's great - try to cut him some slack. I still think a letter telling him how you feel would pave the way.

Remember he's never been given the opportunity to have a life with you.