[yujinha]

My name is Max and I am 21. I never talked to anyone about this before because I hate bringing it up and it's a long story but I really need help because it ruining my life. When I was a kid I met my oldest friend allysia. We became boyfriend and girlfriend (we were 11). I was also her first kiss but we drifted apart and stopped talking. Even thou we stopped talking she would send me letters and valentines but I was always too nervous to reply. Well a couple of years ago we started talking again. It was wonderful because it felt like we hadn't lost any time. She ended up inviting me to her prom and about a week later, I confessed my love for her. She didn't say anything right away but shortly after, she reciprocated those feelings. We started dating and even she was bringing up our future. About six months later, on my eightieth birthday, she decides to tell me that she is heartless and that she never loved me. I was speechless. I couldn't believe what I just heard. We stayed together for another month until I sent her an inappropriate letter and she ended it with me claiming she wanted to stay friends. At first I was OK with it but two days later she started seeing someone else and it pissed me off. She couldn't even give me a week. I started doing something stupid and started to threaten her with my life via starvation. I lost sixty pounds in two months but couldn't go more than a few days without eating. I start attending the same college as her and after a whole lot of fighting, we became friends again. Things were going so well that even the conversation of a second chance at a relationship happened. A month after that she told me she was seeing someone else (which turned out to be a lie) and we stopped talking again. This time, I moved on. I started working, socializing, and even started dating. But none of this really helped. Everyone kept reminding me of how nice we were to each other and how were wouldn't even walk near each other now. This just annoyed me so on new years eve of 07 I talked to her one last time and left long beach (where this all took place) new years day 08 to live with my family in orange county leaving her and all my friends. I even quit my job and stopped talking to most of my family. Since then I have done nothing with my life. For 2 years I have been sitting at home watching TV or playing games and the whole time thinking of her. I finally broke down and called her a few days ago. Not only did it start another fight, she told me she was getting married (which I don't know is 100% true). Now my anxiety has tripled and I am now taking anti depressants which don't seem to work. I wanted to fix our relationship together but now I would just settle for a friendship which she doesn't even want to try. I asked why she told me she loved me and all she said was everybody lies. How can you call someone a friend and tell them that. I want to go back to school and go on with my life but I can't get past this. What makes this harder is I have no one to talk to. I am begging for help and I don't care what it is. Please someone help me.

[none12345]

Hey man not too long ago I was in a similar position as you. I fell for my friend that I have known for 4 years and we got together and broke up.

After for a year I started failing classes in college, did nothing, cooped up in my room. These are the things you exactly shouldn't do to move on. Instead stop contacing her forever, cut all contacts, delete all ways of contacting her and erase her from your life.

Next would be to go out, live your life, do the things you love instead of staying indoors all the time. Make new friends, party, heck man we are still young so we might as well live life the fullest. Accomplish your dreams, take up an instrument, flirt with other girls. This is how you move on man.

[emopunk7]

We can only help you and encourage you if you also help yourself. You doing nothing for 2 years goes to show that's not the case. Why are you spending your time playing video games? You need to find things to do and go out! I have progressed a lot but only because I push myself. I can't even begin to tell you all of the things I have done in the last five months and my great determination but that came from within. You have to love yourself enough to say enough is enough. You should eat healthy regularly and workout and find a job. Go to college and you will see that in six months you will look back and say "wow, I did it". Its time to forget about her. Good luck.

[amicon]

I agree with the two previous posters.

In addition,if your meds aren't working,you should go back to your doctor and discuss this with him/her.

I would also consider therapy if I were you.

[talaniman]

Listen to the others as they are right. While its not unusual to take a break up hard, as break ups do suck, but after mourning you get tired of just moping along, and you will get up, and get out, and do your own thing.

Get some good people especially family, and friends, back in your life. Above all talk to your doctor, maybe the meds need some adjustments, or maybe you need more than just meds. Find out which, and do it!

Don't just sit around being sad, get up and do things that make you happy, and build your life back.

We have all gone through this and found happiness after a break up, and so can you.

[neverme]

You need to stop obsessing and I think in order to get some self worth you need to go to therapy. You need to feel you are not defined by a relationship that is WELL over.

Finally, why would you want anything to do with someone who not only doesn't want anything to do with you but also treated you like s*** when you were supposed to be friends with you.

[Jake2008]

The breakup responses from you were extreme. To threaten suicide as a way of getting her back indicates some mental health issues that go way beyond your focus on this one relationship.

To quit your job, and essentially ditch your entire life, and opt instead to do nothing, is not her fault. She didn't do this to you, you have done this to yourself.

If this is how you choose to handle life, relationships, and normal ups and downs that none of us can avoid, you really should consider counselling to figure out why you make the choices you do.

At this stage of the game, your behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with her.

[sunsandmoons]

This is extreme,

I can't believe you're longing for somebody who doesn't care at all about you. 'Everybody lies'? No they don't, everybody doesn't lie. If you convince somebody you love them for 6 months and then confess you lied and really feel nothing for them, that is a very manipulative and evil act in my eyes.

Why would you want to be within 10 yards of a person like that?

I think you really need to convince yourself of this otherwise you may never get over it. Its very unfair that you gave up your life for somebody over this length of time.