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ohsohappy · Mar 2, 2010, 08:25 PM

There's a guy at my work who is a shift supervisor, and he ALWAYS talks down to me and has an attitude. It REALLY bothers me, because he has an attitude with me constantly. Other people that I work with say he's always like that, but that's NOT okay, and he doesn't treat them the same way he treats me.

So when I work with him, how do I call him out on it without attacking?

My boyfriend told me to just say something like "why do you always talk to me like that?" Ask him a direct question. That would work great, if he didn't frequently ignore my questions. Then what? Say "I'm talking to you, you need yo aknowledge me" and see where it goes? I'm sure he'll probably ask what I'm talking about, how should I tell him? Say "You always talk down to me, or have an attitued with me, is there a problem?"

What do you guys think? Because it's driving me NUTS, and he's not the easiest guy to approach. He just has a dark cloud over his head ALL the TIME. I don't want a confrontation, I just want it to stop, and I need respect. Suggestions would be fantastic.

ohsohappy · Mar 2, 2010, 08:41 PM

Also, I don't want to go to the Manager about it. I want to show that I can stick up for myself and deal with my own issues.

summer7 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:20 AM

I can't stand this situation... I've been in it myself. I have guys at work like that. I've had to be tough right back to them and this has earned their respect. I could really care less about earning their respect (they're jerks) but whatever.

Anyway, I look them straight in the eye when I talk to them and if they come charging toward me I get out of my chair, walk around my desk and stand squarely in front of them making direct eye contact while I talk with them. It's draining but it works.

Now he's your supervisor so what I do with higher ups who are difficult is I am very serious and professional with them and eye contact is key. Know your job like the back of your hand so you aren't an easy target for his stupid remarks. He'll be looking for things to criticize so don't give him any reason to pick at you.

Now you say he's not like that with everyone. Do you have any idea why he's this way with you? What kinds of comments does he make?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRoMRkgoETI

justcurious55 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:47 AM

Direct is a good idea. He may really not know what he's doing. I once called a guy in lower management out on his attitude when people came to him with problems. I hadn't even actually meant to, I hadn't thought it out. I just got so frustrated with him one night I blurted it out. I could tell he was irritated at first, but he didn't say much, he asked if it was true, that he really blew people off and I said yeah. From that night on though his attitude changed. When I came to him with something I needed his help with he'd actually at least make an effort instead of blowing me off.

ohsohappy · Mar 3, 2010, 11:32 AM

It's mostly his tone of voice is very irritated. He acts like he's pissed off all the time, but when he talks to other people, he looses the attitude. Or Ill ask if he needs me to do something before I leave and he's very short and brusque with me. Just a "No." in a pissed off tone. I always look him in the eye when I talk to him. And I'm respectful. But he's not the boss, the manager is super cool and he's the only one that really does the important stuff, although this guy can write me up or something if he wants to. I don't know what his problem with me is.

justcurious55 · Mar 3, 2010, 11:56 AM

Maybe you should just be direct and ask him if there's something wrong between the two of you.

ohsohappy · Mar 3, 2010, 02:08 PM

That's kind of what I thought about doing. I stated that in the first post, I just wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do.

justcurious55 · Mar 3, 2010, 02:57 PM

I really think it is. Hopefully its not anything personal and he'll stop doing it once you call him out. Or if it is something personal, hopefully the two of you can work it out and put it behind you

KBC · Mar 3, 2010, 03:00 PM

I like to offer this site, Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

If you can make your boundary set and don't allow him to cross that line,then it's his problem,not yours.

Direct confrontation isn't a good idea,it has backfired many times in my life, you are looked at as an antagonist and might get a bad review because of it.

ohsohappy · Mar 3, 2010, 05:34 PM

See the thing is, that I have NEVER done anything to him. I've always made a conscious effort to be respectful to my co-workers. Also, I've talk to other shift supervisors about it and they said they've noticed it too, and they understand that I want to show that I don't need anyone else to deal with my issues.

I don't think it would hurt to ask why he feels the need to talk to me a certain way, I have that right as a person, to get respect, and I should also have the right to say something when someone is disrespecting me. I can't go through life having to go through other people to get my issues sorted out, that gets me less respect than if I were to talk about it myself.

It's not the things he SAYS to me, it's the WAY he says them. It communicates to me that he thinks I'm just an annoying idiot. Personally, I don't give a $*** what he thinks of me, I don't think much of him, but at least I'm respectful. I think I give him more credit than he deserves, and he views it as a sign of weakness, which makes him think htat he can treat me however he wants. He has a HUGE superiority complex, I'm not okay with it.

KBC · Mar 3, 2010, 05:40 PM

And by saying this to him, "I feel that you are treating me wrongly and I want some respect" and leaving it at that, it leaves him to address your needs,one way or another.By saying nothing at all or questioning yourself over this,you are carrying the burden he has laid on your shoulders,, don't tote the weight, give it back to him.

ohsohappy · Mar 3, 2010, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by KBC

And by saying this to him,,"I feel that you are treating me wrongly and I want some respect" and leaving it at that,,it leaves him to address your needs,one way or another.By saying nothing at all or questioning yourself over this,you are carrying the burden he has laid on your shoulders,,,don't tote the weight,,give it back to him.

Yeah I get what you're saying, that's exactly my point, I just, maybe don't want to use those words. I don't know how to explain it, but saying it like that doesn't sound right to me. Anyway, I appreciate your imput, You get me. :)

summer7 · Mar 3, 2010, 09:42 PM

Yeah, I would have a talk with him. The way I would approach him is I'd make an appointment to meet with him and have all important points listed out so I don't forget anything. The tone is very important. I have lots of experience with these bossy jerks at work. I want to give you good advice but my style is probably different from yours and I'd have to meet the guy.

For me, I've noticed that the more aggressive and jerky they are, the more assertive I need to be. I'll walk in very bold but respectful and sit directly in front of him (in this case I'd have my list of points to discuss). In the end they are a bit intimidated by me but not from my being a jerk but by them not knowing who I am. They thought I was sweet and nice and maybe a pushover and now they see I mean business and it confuses them. They have to size me up all over again.

From my experience, if they are tough, I show them tough in return. If they raise their voice, I raise the tone of mine too. They always end up respecting me in the end. Again, this is just my style of dealing with it. It's exhausting though since my nature is more laid back and friendly and not like that at all.

You are most definitely not an idiot. I've read some of your other posts and you are extremely smart. He's the idiot.

I wish I could help you more here. I know how uncomfortable this is. I'm cheering you on. I hope someone gives you really good advice you can use. Good luck with this...

ohsohappy · Mar 3, 2010, 09:58 PM

You know, I think asking him to sit aside and talk to me when work isn't busy would be great. You see, I work at a coffee shop, so it's not a HUGE deal, but I want to have a good experience at work, and I like the "ask him aside" for a moment approach. I can be direct, without attacking, and hopefully I surprise him an dhe has more respect for me. For some reason that hadn't occurred to me, I just thought of mentioning it when it happened. This seems more professional and respectful. And it might catch him by surprise. I think I might do that next time I work with him. THANKS! :)

summer7 · Mar 8, 2010, 07:33 PM

Hi OSH,
Just wondering if things have improved at work regarding your situation.

ohsohappy · Mar 8, 2010, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by summer7

Hi OSH,
Just wondering if things have improved at work regarding your situation.

Actually, I haven't seen him yet, So I guess so, I'll let you know how it goes when I talk to him though. :)

summer7 · Mar 9, 2010, 11:32 PM

Good... glad you get a break from him. I'm wishing you the best!