Check out some similar questions!

wildcatz · Feb 25, 2010, 07:19 AM

I know that this is not normal but my daughters boyfriend just melted my heart and I feel for him. As a son, they dated for a year and a half in that time he was part of our family. Family vacations if he needed anything I got it for him. I would sit and talk to him and give him life advise everything you would with your own child.

They have now broken up and I wanted to talk to him to find out what kind of relationship we could still be like friends or what ever. He will not talk to me tells me its too weird. Says that his feelings were not the same as mine. I feel like he really played me and took advantage of me, but still want to be friends even though I think he played me.

It hurts just as if you have lost a child and I am having a hard time letting him go. Not sure what to do.

Is it really that weird for me to want to talk to him and still have some sort of relationship with him. How do I get over the lost?

neverme · Feb 25, 2010, 09:26 AM

He has made a decision that this is too upsetting for him to continue, you need to respect that.

With a child of your own sometimes you have to give them roots and other times you have to give them wings, give him his wings.

notsogreat · Feb 25, 2010, 12:01 PM

He is going no contact, and you have to understand he needs to do that to heal. Whether he was the one who initated the break or not, he needs this time to work on himself. Unfortunately, it may feel like a sort of breakup for you, but right now all he is concerned about is his feelings, and you should not take that personally. I am sure you remember how it was at his age to end a relationship, and if you still hung around the people that were involved, the memories may be too hurtful. Let him go, wish him the best, and be there for your daughter who I am sure would probably not want you to continue a relationship with her ex.

Hot water · Feb 25, 2010, 12:07 PM

I doubt he meant what he said, so you shouldn't feel used. I liked my ex-girlfriends mom, but it's just awkward and she reminds me of something painful.

dynocompe · Feb 25, 2010, 01:07 PM

I have to agree with the ex, it would be weird to break up with your girlfriend, but then to continue to have a relationship with her mom. Since he broke up with your daughter, that includes breaking up with the family as well. If you see each other out, you can say hello, but I don't think its healthy to continue a relationship with the Mommy.

wildcatz · Feb 25, 2010, 01:24 PM

Thank you all for your advise and opinion, One thing I would like to point out is that him and my daughter are still friends and still talk. So it would not be like he was continuing a relationship with just me.

dynocompe · Feb 25, 2010, 01:29 PM

Why did they break up? Who broke up with who

wildcatz · Feb 25, 2010, 01:34 PM

Well he was in a bad mood and broke up with her and then the very next day he wrote a note and brought it over to her saying he was sorry and asking her to forgive him and take him back. She thought about it for a day and then told him "NO" she didn't want to go back out.

wildcatz · Feb 25, 2010, 01:37 PM

That was about 6-7 weeks ago and since then he has had two girl friends

dynocompe · Feb 25, 2010, 01:38 PM

Yes so he is probably upset over the situation because he wants to be with your daughter still, he should be giving your daughter the same treatment he is givng to u. perhaps then she will miss him and want him back like u do

dynocompe · Feb 25, 2010, 01:39 PM

Lol OK I just seen that he had had two gfs since. Young and having fun, I would just learn to get over this, your daughter will probably have many more bfs yet.
Are you married?

wildcatz · Feb 26, 2010, 01:36 PM

Yes I am married and have been for 21 years. I just don't understand why he wants to say that Im crazy or weird.. I have not contacted him since he told me no he would not talk to me (3 weeks ago) but everyone (being other friends of theirs) keeps asking me if I spoke to him and all I can say is he won't talk to me. And they don't understand since we were "so close". That's what the other kids say.. Anyway the only answer is to just quit trying and get over it... chalk it up as a lesson learned. Never take in the strays.

I wish · Feb 26, 2010, 01:55 PM

It's up to him if he wants to keep talking to you. You can't force him to keep in contact with you.

All you can really do is reach out to him and see how he reacts.

neverme · Feb 26, 2010, 02:03 PM

I think you do need to just chalk it up to a learned lesson, but I think the lesson is not to be too trusting with your heart.

'Taking in a stray' as you put it is a good thing, giving someone a listening ear is great. But allowing yourself to become too invested only brings pain.

dynocompe · Feb 26, 2010, 02:54 PM

Is your husband significantly younger than you?

chuff · Feb 26, 2010, 03:00 PM

As a guy who's dated girls without fathers, I've always enjoyed spending time with girls who do have fathers in there life. Having said that, when you break up you sometimes have to suck it up and move forward.

He apparently made a mistake and then tried to get back with your daughter, and she said no but they remained friend. Perhaps his way of letting go, is to let you go first and eventually let go of her, sparing him the blunt force emotional trauma of losing everybody in his life at once.

Having said that, if you are as cool as you say to the guys that date your daughter, you should welcome other more stable and open minded guys into her life, and ones who will appreciate her family.

talaniman · Feb 26, 2010, 08:41 PM

You are way to involved in this ex of your daughters, and just need to let go. That's what happens when you become too attached, and the situation changes.

Let them be friends, and work on their own business.