[rosanna-hope]

So in the summer I want to go to Reading Festival for the full weekend (3 nights) with 3 of my best girlfriends, ill be 15 by then and you need to be 16 without an adult, my dad said he wasn't comfortable with me going with just my friends so I negotiated and said "how about if kim comes?". Kim is my sister, shell be 23 by then and she wouldn't be by our sides, but she did say she didn't want to camp with us so I said that maybe if she just stayed the day and went to a hotel just outside the festival then that'd be okay because it'd be a lot easier to get hold of her if she's in a hotel or shopping and all rather then trying to search a festival for her and her not being able to hear her phone because of the music! I understand where my dad is coming from but I think that I'm old enough and responsible enough to go away from him for those few days! And I feel asif he has trust issues but he always says "its not you, its other people" but I just feel that if he can't trust me not to go near those people or walk away from those people before I get in trouble then there is little trust at all! I'm frustrated and need to convince him to let me go because all my friends parents are very trusting and say "okay, ill give you a chance but if you mess this up then youre not going again until youre 18, you call me every day and you stay together" and I think that is fair as anything! But it seems I'm not even being given a chance here, I'm so frustrated! How can I convince him?

[smoothy]

To start with at 15 you are not as mature as you think you are. And your dad does know exactly what kids your age do when they are away from supervision. PARTICULARLY in groups. I don't know where teenagers get the idea only THEY grasp things... its the teenagers that 99.99% of the time that really don't grasp everything.

It is fair... until you have finished school, gotten a job and are fully self supporting he cando what he feels is in your best interests.

And incidentally... I don't believe the cock and bull story about "your friends parents being "very trusting".

If they say go and do what you want... they aren't being good parents. When you are 18.. then its your life to live... in the meantime, your parents know far more about the real world than you do... you have to trust their judgement. YOu want to have fun and can't see what is likely to happen... he see's what is very likely to happen and is trying to keep you safe. And yeah... I don't even need to know you to see a hundred things that can happen you never even thought of.

Peer-Pressure ISN'T the figment of any adults imagination... its very real... and very dangerous.

[nikosmom]

It takes time. I know that's not what you want to hear but this stage is new for both of you. You want to grow up and explore new things and he has to get used to letting you go out on your own.

Continue to be responsible which will make him more comfortable in letting you have more freedom.

You sound like you're OK with the idea of your sister going as a chaperone so what's the big deal? I honestly think that it's a big step for both of you- you'll get to go to the festival and he can rest easy knowing you're not completely alone if Kim is somewhere nearby. Plus, 15 is rather young to go out on your own for a few days. I do agree with him that it's the other people that are the concern and a group of teenage girls would be an easy target for a predator.

[rosanna-hope]

No no, I don't think my dad is unfair at all! He's a wonderful man and is my idol, I just feel that he needs to realize I am growing up and that I'm not his baby girl anymore! I want some time away with my girlfriends and I think this would be the perfect opportunity for me to show him that I am responsible and I am capable of being a mature young adult. Yeah, he does know what kids do when away from supervision but he knows me and he knows that if I screw this one up then I don't go again so id be messing it up for myself, not him. He's not saying "go and do what you want" he knows that I know there are rules and regulations, consequenses to my actions and all. He understands how frustrated I am because his parents didn't let him do things until he was 18 and he said it made him unhappy and that he's trying his best to make sure I'm happy and my oppertunerties are wide open.

[Cat1864]

I am afraid that I have to side with your father on this one. It only takes a moment in a crowd that large for you and your friends to get separated and for something bad to happen. You can't always see the threat coming to be able to move away from it.

I, myself, am a parent (my daughter is now 17). If my child had asked me to let them attend a Festival essentially unchaperoned, I would have a problem with it, too. IF your sister was staying with you at night and checking in with you during the day, I might be a bit more lenient. However, she doesn't seem to want to be a part of the outing and for that reason I would be concerned that she wouldn't be as 'mature' about babysitting as she should be.

[smoothy]

See, your dad was 15 before... I was 15 before... we know what 15 year olds do when they are away from supervision (particularly in groups)... and its things that no mature person would say is fine to do. Plus the risk from preditors is very real... and very dangerous. What a group of 15 year old girls think is fun when nobody is watching isn't what any of their parents would consider reasonible or fine to do.

You can say you know there are rules and regulations here... but we also know what's going to happen when you get out away from adults with a couple friends... someone says,, lighten up... or says you are chicken... or any number of things kids do and pretty soon nobody is thinking about what they should be doing. Then someone's getting drunk... stoned... etc... or ends up in any number of bad situations. Dead being the worst... pregnant... etc...

As adults, we've been there... we see through the lame attempts to rationalize it, and the more a 15 year old tries to rationalise it... the more its clear they fully intended to do what they should not have been in the first place. Or it wouldn't be such a big deal.

[rosanna-hope]

My sister is just as passionate about music as I am and would do anything to let me have a good time but she's just not keen on the camping because of the lack of showers and the tents etc.

[rosanna-hope]

I'm also not a mindless person who is influnced by somebody who is just there to cause trouble, I have no interest for that person and whether they like it and respect it or not is their choice, they can call me a chicken or a woose all they like, I'm happy to walk away and not get involved because I'm just there to have a good time with my girlfriends and music!

[Cat1864]

rosanna-hope agrees : I understand where you're coming from when you say about the predator and young girls being a prey but I feel if we set up our little camp near responsible adults that are well away from the teen boys that are likely to get us in trouble then I don't s

Not all adults who seem responsible are. You can't tell the 'good' people from the 'bad' people by looks. A lot of the 'bad' people are extremely good at disguising themselves as 'good' people. Maybe you can come up with something else to do with your friends that would have so many inherent risks?

[smoothy]

im also not a mindless person who is influnced by somebody who is just there to cause trouble, i have no interest for that person and whether they like it and respect it or not is their choice, they can call me a chicken or a woose all they like, im happy to walk away and not get involved becuase im just there to have a good time with my girlfriends and music!

See... YOU say that now, and alone it might even be true... but with a group of your peers that attitude WILL change quite quickly. See, most of us have been there before... we know otherwise.

Why is it so important to go alone to a festival for music you can hear at home if it WASN'T the case? See the more you try to argue the point... the clearer it becomes to me that actually IS the case. You won't recognise the point that you are NOT yet mature enough to do this... yet you think you can rationalise doing it somehow.

THe fact remains... what happens at these festivals isn't legal in many cases... its dangerous in most... and in none of the cases at 15 are you prepared to deal with them face to face.

[Cat1864]

im also not a mindless person who is influnced by somebody who is just there to cause trouble, i have no interest for that person and whether they like it and respect it or not is their choice, they can call me a chicken or a woose all they like, im happy to walk away and not get involved becuase im just there to have a good time with my girlfriends and music!

The people I am concerned about are the ones who seem safe, but they aren't.

[rosanna-hope]

Our plan this summer is to go to a festival. Were not going back now as this has been our dream for about 3 years. Also its a lot cheaper then paying £30 a pop to see individual bands!

[rosanna-hope]

I have never given into peer pressure in my life, this has caused me to either lose friends or gain them, I am a very individual person and I am capable of supporting myself in a situation where I need to prove myself and prove to other people.

[smoothy]

Really... then why aren't you holding down a full time job and supporting yourself?

Do you honestly believe we don't see through the smoke screeen you are putting up?

If they won't be your friends if you don't go... then there really aren't your friends now... real friends are not that shallow.

And besides... after you finish high school, and if you go to college... most of these people you will never see again.

Its pretty clear from your arguments you think none of us are thinking about what you really plan to do and why its so important (to you) to go.

We weren't born yesterday. This isn't something you alone have thought about... and the fact remains we DO know what happens at these festivals. YOU apparently don't at this point. Or you really do and are just telling a lie about it. The fact you wish to dismiss the reality here is dangerous.

YOU don't give in to peer pressure... really. Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that line? Seriously. I've been there before... I know the stories... I know the reality. YOU can't fool me. I'm not so old I don't still vividly remember being your age, and I know what me and my friends said... and what we did.

And when I was 15... we didn't have AID's... meth wasn't a major problem... and roofies were unheard of.

[rosanna-hope]

I'm not holding down a full time job because if you haven't heard Britain is still in a recession and the first jobs to get cut are under 18's because they can't spent the time training us when they need money. My dad earns around £50,000 a year and his girlfriend another £45,000 so I have no intention if supporting myself until I can get on my feet in college and university. Who said my friends won't go if I don't? They will still go if I can't but we decided to go together, they're my best friends and they know that if I can't go and they can then ill be unhappy, id do exactly the same for them. And I will be seeing these people after college and university as two of them are my cousins and one has been my best friend for nearly 11 years. So then smoothy what is it that you think I plan on doing? Yes, I do know what happens at these festivals and I've never said that I don't know what happens - I know about the drunks and the fights and the drugs. I am in no way interested in that and you clearly seem to think that I am and that as soon as I'm out of my fathers sight I'm going to be coked up and drunk up for any boy coming my way, which I am not in any way shape or form. Things aren't like they were, if I was planning on doing what everyone may expect from someone my age then they are clearly wrong. I am an A grade student, never had a boyfriend and I am respoinsible and respect my father. If I had a boyfriend or a trouble he would be the first one to go to for advice.

[smoothy]

You are missing the point I'm trying to make here.

You'r friends are going to party and do what they can't do at home... they are going to make you feel bad if you don't participate with them... people you don't know may slip you something and you wake up "shall we say, violated".

Its not all about YOU and what YOU do... the risk is the others around you, and what they will do.

You fail to recognise what young kids do when they are away from parental supervision for a few days. See, I know exactly what they do... I've been there, I know the mindet, I know the stories... I know the risks.

See, you can say one thing... but having been through that stage... you may end up moving to another scity for work... and you drift apart from the friends of your youth and find new friends as an adult. Its common and most people deal with that. YOu can't grasp that yet because as a kid... this is all you have known.

You also have never been caught up in a fight before, and people slip things in your food or drink, particularly if you don't take them voluntarily. Are you going to go three days without eating or drinking... or sleeping to be sure nothing happens? I doubt it... you don't actively have to willingly participate... you can be dragged into it... or shamed into it. Doesn't matter what country you live. Peer pressure is peer pressure... and its very, very, very difficult to resist.

Words mean nothing... most people to have fallen to that were claiming they wouldn't... but did anyway.

Doesn't matter what your grades are. The people at the top of the class were some of the worst I have known.

See I've been to college as well. I've seen this... been through this. I know the realities... and in fact... I have known NONE who successfully resisted peer pressure for long. After all, everyone wants to be accepted... and the greatest perssure comes from your own friends... not people you don't know. And without supervision... they are more likely to do all the wrong things. Oh they won't see them as wrong... they will see them as having fun... being mature... when in reality, a mature person see's it as something totally the opposite.

Most adults don't see getting stoned or drunk in groups as beintg either responsible or adult. We see that as a sign of immaturity. Mature people don't hang out at festivals... we don't feel the need to justify how there is nothing wrong with it. We do know the types of people that are the majority at them. And while you may not have that mindset... you will be around them in close quarters. Without supervision... and that is dangerous to someone who doesn't recognise what the problems can be.

Trust me... its not a swipe at you... but just that I'm trying to make you aware that you are ignoring all of the problems because you want to attend a big 3 day party with your friends ansupervised bu adults... and you are trying to make this look like church camp or something.

[Kitkat22]

As a mother, I agree with your Dad. If a responsible adult is there with you it would be different, but today there are so many things that could happen. Your Dad is just trying to protect you... you seem to be a considerate young lady. Trust your Dad on this.

[rosanna-hope]

I am not trying to make this look like a church camp and I'm aware of the risks. No if you were to let someone spike your food or drinks then you're an idiot - in the UK precautions and special packs have been given out to prevent spiking of drinks and food, security and all. And mature people can't attend festivals? I'm sorry but that has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life! Not all festivals are the same I must add, special precautions and adjustments are made every year..

[Cat1864]

special precautions and adjustments are made every year..

Do you understand why NEW precautions and adjustments are made every year? It is because those who prey on others learn ways around the current precautions.

You are 15. Give yourself time to grow up.

[Kitkat22]

It isn't your actions your Dad is worried about, it's the action of sick people who are in this world who prey on the unsuspecting girl or boy.
It's unfair , I know that, but I never let one of my daughters go anywhere at your age without my husband or I being there. When they spent the night with someone we always checked on them. I still worry about them even thougj one is in her senior year at College and one lives another state and the oldest lives very close, but I call her before she leaves work and when she gets home to be sure she made it home safely.

My oldest son tells me not to worry when he is away in his line of duty , but I do. I'm sorry but the world is not a very safe place for young people anymore. I hope you get a chaperone to go with you. Good Luck Young Lady