[cmarcus]

My husband lies to me about watching porn I see I use to be OK with him watching porn ill my friends ponited out that he could be thinking of them porn stars while having sex with me so I ask him to stop cause I couldn't get that fact out of my head then I wake up in the middle of the night he would be in the living room watching porn it hurt me that he still watch porn but then some times I don't wake up and I see what been watch on my TV and some times I ask him has he watch porn and he lies


Strip clubs

A 2 years ago my brother jesse and my husband and my unle went out of town on business and they went to few strip clubs and when he came back they went to the ones in town as well my brother told my mom and my mom told my sister and my sister told me when I found out I just had my first baby I was so upset cause my husband didn't tell me about the strip club and then I ask eric when he got home that night have he ever been to a strip club he said no why I just said just asking so I called my mom the next day and ask her what did jesse was about the strip club and she says
Eric got drunk and said to a stripper I would leave my wife for you just say the words and then I said what?? And she told me not to worry about it cause I have a baby now
So I called my brother up and ask him about it he says I don't know what your talking about and hang up the phone so I ask my unle and he says jesse is lying but my unle wife was there so... I keep asking eric about it and he says over and over nonono but the way he said no I know in my heart he was lying to me I cry for nights cause I know he was lying to me and I keep thing what else has he lie to me about OK well few weeks after christmas my brother came over now I had them both in the same room and I ask which one is lying eric said I am he told me he went once there was a lie
But I didn't care he told me after 2 years and a baby

The things is I still don't know about him with the other girl
Why would he lie
I been with him for 7 year and been married for 2 and I just don't know what to do about this should I let it go or keep going on about it
I trust him for before we got married but after we got married the lies came I just don't know what to think anymore

[cmarcus]

Oh yeah I just found out about the club a month ago

[Cat1864]

How old are you? I ask because sometimes age plays a part in how much we listen to the 'beliefs' of other people.

Your 'friends' did you a disservice by planting a seed of doubt in your mind about the 'porn'. It has caused you to react instead of communicate.

You and your husband (not your friends or your family or Bob from down the street) need to sit down and have a mature discussion about feelings and concerns. You both need to talk AND listen to what the other person has to say. Work together to find a balance that works for your relationship.

I agree that he shouldn't have lied when you asked him about the strip club. Lying is a separate issue and in this case sounds like he was being defensive. He didn't want to get into a fight. Has he lied to you about anything else that is major (the porn falls under the strip club heading)?

Have you tried watching porn with him? Do you read romance novels or watch romantic movies? Porn can be used as a tool in a relationship. It can give you ideas of things to think about trying. It can give you starting points in conversations about things that look interesting. It is for women as much as for men these days.

You have him in your bed. The videos don't. The strippers don't. What he may have said while drunk to a stripper two years ago doesn't mean a thing. It is what he says to you today at this moment and that you trust him is what matters.

[cmarcus]

22 been with him since we were in high school but only been married going on 3

[talaniman]

Unless you say different, I think he has to lie, because of all the busy body stuff everyone else has filled your head with, because he knows what will happen if he told you the truth, he went to the strip clubs, got drunk, came home, and loves to watch porn. I think I would be tempted to lie too, and hopefully avoid you going off, and making this a big deal with everyone, and his momma in his business.

I think you need to talk without the rest of the world, and have an open mind, and be calm about getting his true feelings. If you don't, and go off so half cocked as to scare the guy who is your husband, he will clam up to protect himself.

Keep well intentioned folks out of your personal business.

So calm down first.

[Jake2008]

When you ask him straight up if he went to strip clubs, and he denied it, that is not your fault. He could have opened up communication right then and there. That he may have felt he needed to avoid the issue to avoid talking about it, is not your fault either.

Where the fault lies is a married couple with a baby, who have lost the art of communicating because of fear. You may ask the questions, but are afraid of what you'll hear. He may answer you dishonestly because he fears your reaction. Neither of you is going to get very far in talking about anything if you anticipate that silence is the answer.

A foundation of trust has to exist, between the two people in the relationship. Not the uncle, mother, sister, brother, friend, etc. Keep your business your business, and stop trying to gather 'proof' to prove a point. Go to the source, your husband, and talk about what is bothering you.

If he feels comfortable in talking to you, and you won't go off the deep end and practically put an ad in the paper about what he's done, and you feel comfortable in talking to him in a civil, adult, controlled way, he will communicate. When you put up barriers and involve other people, what quality in the communication department do you expect.

When he can't come home and tell you what he's been up to, and you have already presumed he's been cheating as you said with one of the strippers, this puts huge cracks in any foundation of trust.

You trusted him before you married him, and it is time to get back to that place again. Without any outside influence, third party comments, interrogations, or assumptions.

Just simply talk it out.

[cmarcus]

I hate kissing my man cause he start diping last year I miss kissing him but I hate kissing him now because I don't want that dip in my month and our sex life is going down hill I ask him to quit he says I will but when he don't have dip he becomes a di*K head. What can I do about this I don't want to not kiss him and I want our sex life to grow not get boring cause I don't want to kiss him any more my mom told me once your sex life gets boring the relationship comes to a dead end

[nikosmom]

Sit down with him and tell him how you feel.

Also, don't ever get your family involved in your sex life. They don't need to know too much about what's going on in your bedroom. That will doom your relationship too.

[talaniman]

Your sex life is going down because you have other issues to deal with, and you have just had a child, and believe me that changes a lot of things between you. Is he dipping to stop smoking, and whose idea was that.

I see a lot of communication problems, that have to be reestablished so you both can make some adjustments and compromises to work together better and grow together.

I don't agree with your mom at all as sex changing between couples is not the end of a relationship, or marriage, its just another challenge that life, and reality throws at you.

Talk about it, or have him brush his teeth, and gargle, before kissing.