[angelface88]

I would like some suggestions about dealing with my husband's outside child. I found out about the child about 8 months ago and it crushed me. I nearly lost my mind. I lost 17 pounds because of this situation. I love my husband and he wants to make this marriage work and so do I. It's been hard because I can't get it out of my head. We have 3 kids that love us both dearly and I don't want to break their hearts. I am here for them as well as myself. Right now I don't want to deal with the child and I don't want my kids dealing with her either because their lives are fine and I don't want to complicate things right now. My husband wants to be in the child's life and I understand that. He says that I don't have to deal with the kid and our children don't have to either. If we both agree to that then it should be OK. The mom is a problem because she can't have her way with my husband and my husband can't be there like he is for our kids. She should've thought about that before she became pregnant for a married man. Do you think that our decisions are OK and that we can go on and live a happy life with the decisions we've made?

[redhed35]

Have you considered councilling for both of you,although your hurting now the child is a separate issue.

Your husband had sex with another women,she did not get pregnant on her own,your husband I assume willing had sex with her,he is equally responsible.

This child is going to be apart of his life for the rest of his life,financially,emotionally,physically,the 3 ADULTS involved need to find a way to come to terms with this new situation.

Again I suggest some marriage councilling to help guide you both through this process.

[Devorameira]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but that the affair happened and it’s not the child’s fault. You may not want to be around the child, but your children have a sibling that they should get to know. It isn’t fair to deprive them of knowing their sibling.and I think they will resent you later on if you deny them that right.

The last thing this baby needs is a dead beat dad who abandons his responsibility both financially or emotionally. There are already too many mothers who have to shoulder all the responsibilities because the fathers have chosen to turn their backs on their children. This baby didn't ask to be brought into this world but since he's here, (you didn't give the gender of the baby so I will use "he") he deserves to have a father who participates in his life. We can continually change partners and have many husband's and wives, but we can only have one mother and one father.

No matter what the explanation this child gets, somewhere deep down, he will feel hurt and abandoned and want to know, "How come my daddy doesn't want to be with me." No amount of child support can take that pain and emptiness away as he gets older. My concern is for this child and how important it is to have his father involved in his life.

If you truly intend to stay married to this man, this is now more than just "his" problem but yours as well. It is no longer just him taking care of this problem, but both of you dealing with the consequences of his actions. Without your involvement and support, your husband won't be able to do the loving and right thing for his child. Do the right thing.

[Gemini54]

There are many problems here and the first one for you and your husband is dealing with his infidelity. I would suggest that you both need marriage counselling and through this you can then begin to deal with the other issues.

He has another child now, and your children have a half sibling. At some stage they may want to know each other. Hiding them from each other (and the mother) is diminishing his responsibility in this matter. He created the situation and although it is mortifying for you - you will all have to deal with it as responsible adults.

Get counselling to deal with the lack of trust and betrayal. Stop blaming the other woman - your husband has to take as much responsibility as her (he could have used condoms). Accept that there is a child, and it will be in your lives for a long time.

[Mindyourbiz]

You are wrong! Stay out of other peoples' marriages. Are you result of an affair or are you the woman who did this to a marriage and feel guild yourself. Every situation is different. Since the father did not ask the wife for permission to have a love child, then she can say and do whatever she wants to protect her 3 children at home. The couple needs to set the boundaries not anyone else.

[Mindyourbiz]

This is devastating to a family. When the children get grown is when they should meet as girls are very sensitive especially in their teenage years. Also, the wife has to heal. Why doesn't anyone think of the wife and her mental state? What about wife's emotions? Everyone mentions the dang innocent baby that was brought into this world after a covenant before God was broken. Give me a break. Not to mention, it is always one sided. Men stick their wee wees in other women but if the wife came home with a kid, then she is all kinds of nasty words and the husband leaves 9 out of 10. This is emotional, financial, etc. and just messed up! Lots of prayer, counseling, etc. need to be implemented as the husband is a liar and cheater that has ripped apart a family that could have resulted in a love child and horrible STD issues for the wife (HIV, AIDS, etc.). Give the wife(s) time to heal and then go from there. The man can pay his child support and spend time with the bastard but the wife should choose when she wants to move forward as again "he didn't ask her for permission" to do this so stop putting expectations on her until she is ready.