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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #1

    Feb 1, 2010, 07:48 PM
    Making a baby

    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
    'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
    Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
    Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat


    After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

    'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
    Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
    My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
    Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
    Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
    Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
    And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.
    She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.


    Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
    Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
    Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh....equipment?'
    It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
    Tripod?'
    Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
    Mrs. Smith fainted

    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,826, Reputation: 739
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    #2

    Feb 1, 2010, 07:56 PM

    Oh My Gawrsh!

    That's frighteningly funny
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #3

    Feb 1, 2010, 08:58 PM

    LMAO Tal... thats hilarious and one of the first times I've actually started laughing halfway through a Joke.

    Nice one :)
    Just Dahlia's Avatar
    Just Dahlia Posts: 2,155, Reputation: 445
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    #4

    Feb 1, 2010, 09:04 PM
    Too funny, poor Mrs. Smith:)
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Feb 1, 2010, 09:31 PM

    I love it Tal, so much that I'm printing it out so Rod can take it school to share with his teachers and friends.

    Don't worry, Rod is my husband, not my son. ;)
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #6

    Feb 1, 2010, 09:43 PM

    I love it. :)
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
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    #7

    Feb 1, 2010, 10:03 PM
    Lmao !
    ohsohappy's Avatar
    ohsohappy Posts: 1,564, Reputation: 314
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    #8

    Feb 1, 2010, 10:12 PM

    HAHA! Dirty! Couldn't they have just don't the sperm donor/ turkey baster thing? HAHAHA! Just kidding. :)
    adam_89's Avatar
    adam_89 Posts: 1,866, Reputation: 280
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    #9

    Feb 2, 2010, 06:48 AM

    Very funny. Like it a lot.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,826, Reputation: 739
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    #10

    Feb 2, 2010, 07:14 AM

    I'm waiting on the first guy to say "been there done that" so I can scream "Liar!"
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #11

    Feb 5, 2010, 12:42 AM

    Good un :)
    Unknown008's Avatar
    Unknown008 Posts: 8,076, Reputation: 723
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    #12

    Feb 5, 2010, 10:45 PM

    Every time I read that joke, it makes me laugh! :p
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #13

    Feb 7, 2010, 10:25 AM

    I cannot read that joke outloud as I start laughing hysterically half way through it and just convulse on the floor paralized with laughter.

    It's one of my all time favorites.

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