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iio640 · Nov 21, 2006, 08:57 AM

I have been going out with a girl now for nearly 2 months and really like her. I knew her ex boyfriend first and that's how we met. One night we were all out and ended up going back to a friends house for a party. Anyway the ex knew we were getting close and I spoke to him about it because I didn't want there to be any problems. Anyway he was fine with it and was actually quite pleased. The night went horribly wrong when the ex decided to climb out of a window onto the roof of the apartments we were in and fell 20ft down. Anyone reading this can imagine what state he was in. As time went on me and the girl were getiing closer and closer and she was going to see him in hospital a few times a week. After about a month he was allowed out of hospital for a few days and went and stayed with her. I was fine about that until we all met up for a few drinks and he was really off with me,barley said hello. Then again the next night he was the same. I spoke to my girlfriend about it and she admitted that he now wasn't happy with us being together which really took me by surprise. So now I'm thinking that he's staying with her he doesn't want us to be together anymore and he wants her back. After a few days he went back to hospital and I had a chat with her about everything that was said, she said she did want to be with me and that it has been over between them for along time now and he only stayed with her because he had nowhere else to go. About a month later we all went out and I asked her if she wanted to do something the next day, she turned round and said that the ex was being discharged from hospital and is staying with her for another week. It didn't help that we were drunk and because I knew he wasn't happy about us made me feel really insecure and we had a big fight and broke up. After talking through it we have got back together and things have been really good. I think he does want her back which is why he doesn't like me anymore more. I do suffer from jelousy quite badly and I am finfing it really hard to be with her and have him phoning her all the time. She still meets up with him and she stayed round his place last week, I did say to her I understand they good friends but staying over there is not acceptable if your in a relationship because its her ex. She was fine about that and said she can understand why I was annoyed. They were together for along time and I don't want to stop them being friends. I just don't like feeling that he is trying to get back with her when she goes to meet him and it is making me feel insecure. Do I have anything to worry about or is all this worrying I'm doing for a reason. Any help would be much appreciated.

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 21, 2006, 09:48 AM

Tricky situation.

I can understand your feelings of jealousy & insecurity. I cannot really make an opinion based on what you have said that concludes that what she is doing is wrong. One thing to remember is that she spent quite some time in a relationship with this man and evidently there are going to be feelings there in terms of caring about his welfare. He fell 20 feet and spent time in hospital so she is going to care about that, unless she is inhuman.

The question is, should you have a need to feel jealous? If they can retain friendship, then this is a great thing as long as it stays that way. The problem here is that you have already mentioned that the ex was a little 'off' with you which suggests to me that he possibly resents you because his feelings for his ex are in the category that is more than just friendship.

What you must be careful of is making such a big issue of this situation that you begin to push your girlfriend away and back into the arms of your ex. I'm afraid this is a possibility if you let your feelings of jealousy and insecurity get the better of you.

I think your girlfriend would appreciate you more if you found the strength to trust her to not allow any of this go anywhere further than friendship..

Trusting someone in a relationship is extremely important if it is going to work between the two of you. The situation you are in must be really hard and you have my every wish that you can find the strength to fight through this jealousy you feel.

I'm sure you will get some more advice here, hang around on here, it really is a good source of support and advice.

Wildcat21 · Nov 21, 2006, 11:55 AM

Talk with her about it - you might not like the answers.

BUT - again - they were broke for a reason.

I think you need to work things out with her. For get the ex. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE JEALOUS EXs!! Believe me.

s_cianci · Nov 21, 2006, 08:47 PM

I agree that if things are really over between them then they shouldn't be spending time together like they've been. I'm sure the ex has lots of places he could stay. He must have family or other friends that he could stay with. You should make it clear to your girlfriend that if she wants to stay in a relationship with you then him staying over with her is out. If she won't concede to that then you need to take some time off from her and let her think about it.

talaniman · Nov 21, 2006, 09:25 PM

Two months is such a short time to be in the middle of a big drama like this. Either you trust some one or you don't. I am of the mind that worrying about the competition or what others may try to do is insane and useless. What counts is what you do. At 2 months you should be having fun and explain to me why when you go out with your girl, why does the ex have to be there? Don't know if I could go along with that one. Friends is one thing , no place to stay though? Don't know about that either. I would have to leave this situation alone for a while, and go fishing or something and rethink this situation.