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sleepheart · Jan 28, 2010, 05:37 PM

After 15 years and two beautiful kids later I find out that he has kids in the street. I accepted it and tried to deal with it. We did notlive in the same home. He would come to us on the weekends or we would go to him. Recently I saw him with another women and asked him about it. He said that he didn't want to be with me anymore and that it was over. I cried yelled and screamed about it already. Now the problem comes with the kids. He feels that he should get them everyweekend. I don't want to give up my kids everyweekend. Especially since he won't introduce me to his new girl and child. I tell him to come to their home to see them and that's when the arguing begins. He drfinitely is a great father but he has been an alwful person to me untrustworthy and Im not so sure that I can trust him with my most prized possession. I asked him to please give me at least three weeks to let me accustom myself and accept my reality and then we can sit like civilized people and discuss what will happen with the children. He tells me know that they are his kids and he will pick them up this Friday and drop them off Sunday! What can I do?

Devorameira · Jan 28, 2010, 06:00 PM

So sorry to hear about your relationship nightmare.

You need to see an attorney ASAP to voice your concerns. You need to file for custody to ensure you remain as the primary custodian of the kids. He will probably get visitation with the kids (unless you prove him unfit), but that is only fair since he's their Dad. The courts can help you control days, times, and where the visits take place. Good luck!

cdad · Jan 28, 2010, 08:33 PM

If he is a great father then what's the reason he can't have them for the weekend ? Also you need to start court proceedings for custody and support. Also to nail down all the holidays and extended times.

Gemini54 · Jan 28, 2010, 11:42 PM

The issues are between you and him, not the kids. And, although I understand why you're saying it - the children are technically not your 'possessions'.

However, it's fair enough that you should want to meet his GF, if the children are going to be staying there. Why don't you suggest meeting somewhere neutral, like a café or a park so you can meet her?

I would also suggest you get legal advice about custodial arrangements - perhaps you can suggest he have the children every fortnight until you are comfortable.

Remember, the children have a say in this as well. What do they want to do?

summerj · Jan 28, 2010, 11:57 PM

I know exactly what you are going through. My boyfriend just left me for another woman as well. The most important thing at this time is to think about the kids. They do need both parents, and I do agree you should make sure the environment is stable for them. I hope you find the solutions you are looking for. God bless

Fr_Chuck · Jan 29, 2010, 04:38 AM

Since this is in the law area lets address that.

You need to go to court and get a custody agreement along with a child support agreement, he is going to get to take the kids for at least two weekend a month to his home unless he is a threat to their safety, In fact he could get a lot more in today's court, so if he is merely willing to agree to a little, you need to jump on it. He will not be forced to visit in your home, where he will have to visit with you and end up fighting,

YOU MUST, not use the kids as a tool or weapon just because you are mad at him, if you do, that goes against you in court.

twinkiedooter · Jan 29, 2010, 05:33 PM

Is he paying child support for these children? If not, why not? I take it you were not married to him either as you didn't state this.

You need to take him to court for the child support issue and for the custody issue and visitation issue. You cannot have 1 without the other 2 in place.

Who cares about this other woman? Unless she is an out an out drug user or someone who is a registered sex offender she should not come into play in whether you meet her or not.

And don't use your children as a weapon against him either.

Once you go to court and have all 3 matters taken care of simultaneously you'll just have to decide if he can see the kids or not. If he does not have any type of court order saying he has to see the kids every weekend or whatever, you don't have to let him see anyone until the Judge has his say so in this matter.