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duece22022 · Jan 19, 2010, 08:27 AM

Threads merged

I have been no contact for a month in a half. She just texted me happy birthday. Should I reply. This is the first time in a month that I have heard anything from her. I know all she is trying to say is happy birthday and there is no hidden message. Should I say thank you or just ignore it?

kctiger · Jan 19, 2010, 08:32 AM

I would ignore if I were you, unless you can give a quick reply without over thinking it. By you replying you will most likely take a step back, so to me I think the best option is to ignore.

UnluckyDucky · Jan 19, 2010, 08:43 AM

Not knowing the full details of your situation, my default answer would to be ignore it.

I'm with kc on this one, there would be some rare circumstances where I might suggest a quick and short "Thank you" reply, under the expectation that the conversation would end there and you would go back to NC immediately.

duece22022 · Jan 19, 2010, 08:50 AM

You I am still in the coping phase. I am actively trying to get over her. I think this might set me back. I'm not going to respond, but does this make me look immature by ignoring her?

kctiger · Jan 19, 2010, 08:52 AM

It makes you look like you are looking out for yourself and moving on the way you see fit. Her image of you no longer matters, so you just do what you have to do. She lost the privilege of having influence on your image once the relationship ended.

duece22022 · Jan 19, 2010, 08:53 AM

Threads merged

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 21 reminders/objects

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I guess I am in the anger stage. My ex g/f broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. We have been together for 6 years. I really want to send her all the objects and reminders of our relationship. For 2 reasons: 1) I really want to get over her and I don't want all this **** that reminds me of her. I think it will help me move on. 2) I want her to have all the reminders and I guess I want her to feel pain as well. Maybe she wants some of the stuff she made me like the calendars and the pictures.
I just don't have the balls to throw this stuff away. I am so confused. I know how vindictive and immature it sounds if I send this stuff to her. But a part of me doesn't care. I want to move on. Do you guys think this is a good idea? I don't want this crap stuffed away in my attic. Please give feedback.

Romefalls19 · Jan 19, 2010, 08:54 AM

No, it makes it seem like you have other stuff to do besides answer that text.

Romefalls19 · Jan 19, 2010, 08:55 AM

Just throw it out man, when you go looking for revenge, make sure to dig two graves. Stop looking to retaliate, for whatever reason the relationship didn't work out, just box the memories up and put them to the curb.

duece22022 · Jan 19, 2010, 09:16 AM

I meant to post that on the disscusion board

I wish · Jan 19, 2010, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by duece22022

i ment to post that on the disscusion board

This is a relationship type question, so it would have been moved from the disccusion board to here anyway.

Why don't you have a friend help you box up all the items and hide them somewhere that you won't know about, so that you're not tempted to look for it?

duece22022 · Jan 22, 2010, 09:09 AM

Threads merged

Please someone tell me a reason why I shouldn't send my ex a letter that I wrote to her.

Alty · Jan 22, 2010, 09:10 AM

Because she's your ex and No contact is the best way to go.

Send the letter and you're just setting yourself up for more hurt.

Romefalls19 · Jan 22, 2010, 09:26 AM

Because it starts as one letter, then a text to see if she got it, then another if she got that text because she didn't respond to you.

Alty · Jan 22, 2010, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Because it starts out as one letter, then a text to see if she got it, then another if she got that text because she didn't respond to you.

Exactly!

If the OP is really honest with himself, he doesn't want to send the letter to clear things up, he wants to send it to open the lines of communication again.

She doesn't need a letter, it's over, she knows that, now it's time for you to figure it out.

willshire · Jan 22, 2010, 09:33 AM

I would say that it depends on how you are approaching this and what you are trying to accomplish. Despite going into NC for about a month, my ex- and I had a brief e-mail exchange that actually did help to provide additional closure. You absolutely need to already have that though. If this is still fresh, I think a cool off period is a necessity in order to get rid of irrational, panicky feelings.

kctiger · Jan 22, 2010, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by duece22022

please someone tell me a reason why i shouldn't send my ex a letter that i wrote to her.

Because you have better things to do with your time.

amicon · Jan 22, 2010, 09:48 AM

Because it won't change anything-she's still your ex.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 22, 2010, 09:51 AM

What purpose do you think it will do ?
Why did you write it to start with

duece22022 · Jan 22, 2010, 09:55 AM

Because I am doing NC right now and its been a month and I still can't get over her. I really miss her, even though I'm trying not to.

kctiger · Jan 22, 2010, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by duece22022

because i am doing NC right now and its been a month and i still can't get over her. I really miss her, even though i'm trying not to.

You need to give yourself more credit. A month isn't very long and I know it took longer for me to get over someone I loved than a month. Try 6-10 months in reality. Be strong and we'll give you plenty of support. It is good to get your emotions out on a letter but then rip it up. Be patient man, this is a long process. We've all been there so we know it's hard.

I for one am proud of you! Keep up the good work.