[Canella]

I have been married for 7 months, probably only 2 of them have been good,

I don't work.. or should I say I only work part time..
I go to school full time,

My husband won't share the checking information with me or the bank information or the credit cards information,
He has asked me for my engagement ring and wedding band so many times that I don't even wear them any more,
When he is mad, if I have no money for gas he won't give me any,
He bought me a dresser for my room and in one of the many times we got mad he took it from me, we don't sleep together,
He has his own room, he has a bed and I sleep in a small tween bed that he bought for visitors in the other room, I have my own room!
You know, its so much that I get so mad and typing this makes me feel so stupid,
Like, whey the hell am I in this relationship!
I have lost my temper with him really bad, I know I am responsible for some things too,
It does take 2 to tango,
But most of the time my problem is reacting to his stupidity,
I feel as though he just so brings out the worst in me, like the ugly that is hidden in me, he is so capable of bringing it out,
Very few people can do that to me,

Last weekend we went to visit his brother, 3 hour drive from our home,
He was so tired but insisted on going, he works 3rd shift, so he gets very little sleep,
And gets irritable, but that is no excuse,
On that particular day, when he was ready to come home, he said in about 15 min we will be going, well his sis in law and I where making bracelets, and when the 15 min was up, he said lets go, and because I didn't jump at the snap of his finger.. he was mad,
In the car I said I was sorry, but that it took me longer to make the bracelet, and he was like "whatever!".. I kept on asking him if I could drive since he was tired, and he insisted on no, I tried to keep up conversation to keep him up, not caring at all if he was mad, because he was falling asleep driving, we drove back home with the windows down in 25 degrees weather because he was so tired and I was so scared because I was watching him and a couple of times he closed his eyes and he couldn't open them.

He was yelling at me to shut up and cursing me out.

I want a divorce, I have no need for this or patience for his stupidity!

[88sunflower]

How long have you been with him? You didn't see any of these traits in him before you married him?

Have you tried to talk to him at all about these feelings of divorce or maybe mention counseling?

You said you worked part time. Do you hand over your money to him? Don't do it. Open your own account and handle your own money. If he needs or wants help with bills you can help him.

Why does he want your wedding rings back?

He sounds very controlling.

[Canella]

Well you know we didn't date for long. And he was so well behaved when we dated that.. I wonder if he could had kept it that way even if we dated for years!

We went for counseling but it was not what we needed and after that he said he would never ever go again.. I think if he thought that we really needed help he would go wherever we need to go just to save our marriage,
I clean houses on my own for extra cash for me, and no I don't give it to him, he pays all the bills and stuff but there is times where I do buy the food and that leaves me with noting and on top of that if he is mad he won't buy groceries.. which is fine.. I can go with out eating I am not going to die, I just think its cruel, if you love someone that you would do that.
He asked me for the wedding rings back because I was packing to leave after he cursed me out and called my mother a whore! At first I was giving him the rings back and now I told him I am not giving him back nothing!

[88sunflower]

He sounds like he has a real controlling nature. One area being the money. You need to try and find a way to get through to him. Does he want the marriage to work? Marriages are 50/50. Sometimes its 80/20 or maybe 100/0. It doesn't matter the ratio. What matters is you love each other for what you are together. Right now your in college and finding your way. This is where he should be there as a man and a husband and support your decision to be in college. If he loved you and believed in making this work no amount of counseling would scare him off. Find a new counselor. I went to a counselor for close to a year with my husband. We didn't like her at all. But what worked was she made us talk. She asked us questions and pushed us while we were there. When we got home we talked and that was our counseling. She was useless for us in the session. But she opened the doors for us at home. To me that was a success.

[neverme]

I'm sorry but I think this is a controlling, bordering on abusive relationship.

If counseling is not an option he will take, and you have tried to talk to him, if you really feel you have exhausted all of your options I think it might be time to look into leaving.

[Canella]

He doesn't even open to talking any more..
I think if I leave, maybe he will see that I am serious.. and then maybe.. I will see if he is serious or not.

I mean. If he loves me for real, I do love him... but I can't love him to the point where I will be miserable just to be with him... he can go to hell.. and I will love him all the way there!

Thanks everyone!

I love you already thanks for reading me.

[88sunflower]

If he isn't open to talking or making this work then what's left? Seriously, what's left for you? Just be done with it.

[cozyk]

You have been married 7 months too long. NO ONE deserves this treatment by this dangerous control freak. Get out, sell your rings, get a divorce, get what you can, and start over. Next time, take the time to know who you are marrying. No Way should u put up with this.

[neverme]

Look to be honest if he liked you he wouldn't treat you like this.

I am serious, this isn't going to get better. But the thing about controllers is that they can make it look like they have changed into whatever they want as they are used to manipulating situations and people.

If you are going to leave, then leave. Don't play games. Make a decision and stick to it.

[Alty]

Canella, this is abuse, plain and simple. It may not have gotten physical yet, but it will soon.

How long until he tells you you're no longer allowed to see your friends? Soon after that he'll be demanding that you don't see your family. You're already a prisoner in your own home, tiptoeing around a prison guard with a short temper. This isn't good.

He's controlling you by taking away your things, denying you money, denying you food. Actually, prison guards are nicer then this.

You can love him all you want, he won't change.

If I was you I'd be out the door right this minute. I wouldn't even leave him a note, I'd just pack my bags and leave.

[Gemini54]

Sounds like a marriage in name only to me - after only 7 months he's denying you everything, even food! Why would you stay with someone that brings out the 'ugly' in you?

Relationships should challenge you, but they should also bring you happiness and joy. I only see unhappiness here and an utter lack of joy.

You say you love him, but I can't see where the love is, in all of this - you wonder why you're in the relationship, you lose your temper, you think he's stupid, you don't have sex - what is there to love here?

Please don't be offended, but I think that you don't love YOURSELF enough, or why else would you stay with a man like this? There must be some part of you (perhaps the 'ugly' part) that doesn't believe you deserve anything better than this. (or is it because you wanted someone to support you?)

Only you can know if there is anything worth saving in this train wreck of a marriage, but staying with someone that wants to control you the way he does is extremely dangerous to your emotional, mental and physical health.

Give him back the rings - it's time you started being independent rather than dependent and started making your own way in the world.

[ajr1978]

Ive been with someone like this for almost 6 years.. (not married thankfully)..
You are in a controlling relationship! You need to leave and get out, forget the love, he is not loving you back, forget all the things that are holding you to him, get out!
He doesn't even sleep in the bed with you, what are you his roommate?
You deserve way better! And so do I.. The guy Im with and we are 33 and 34 yrs old, he doesn't tell me anything about his money or what he makes or brings home.. and I take care of his three kids who live with us and my own one kid.. 4 kids.. and he is super controlling, with guys like this you will have to move out when he is not there.. I have been threated that the guy Im with will kill his self, he reminds me of everything he has done for me, and more! It doesn't matter in the end, its how they (TREAT) you! Ive had to move out many times because I couldn't take it anymore and every time I moved out, he made it hell on me! So take my advice and (leave when he is not there).. Be smart and safe when it comes to controlling guys!
They know how to make you feel like nothing!~