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cherryblossom · Sep 20, 2006, 01:25 PM

Entire story merged

I've been dating this guy for awhile now. He's my first "boyfriend" really. I've never had anybody last as long as he has. But I'm afraid about a couple of things that just recently came up that could break our relationship. I need help.

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 01:44 PM

What kind of things are bugging you.. be more specific if you can! :)

kp2171 · Sep 20, 2006, 01:44 PM

You need to post your concerns.

cherryblossom · Sep 20, 2006, 01:48 PM

Well, first of all. I am pure. I have never done anything but kiss a guy really. After dating this guy for a long while, I think we've fallen in love. He tells me that he loves me & would love to spend the rest of his life with me. But I recently found out, that he had sex with this girl before me. They dated for about a two years. This bothers me. Should it? I wanted to find someone who is a virgin. But I'm already head over heels.

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 02:02 PM

Wow I am in the same situation as you except I learned to just let go of his past and move on with him. I was pure and my Fiancé was not, But it took me a long time to realize how much better everything would be if I just see him for how he is with me and not worry about what he has done before me and him. You know? I don't know if this even helps but I just want you to know your not a lone. :)
For me (to help me move on and let it go) I had to ask a lot of questions. Maybe you should try sitting down with him and explaining to him how this effects you. You can't judge him from his past because with out his past he wouldn't be the guy you know and love today! :)

kp2171 · Sep 20, 2006, 02:13 PM

If my prereq for a good mate was getting a virgin, man... I wouldve missed out on some great relationships... including my wife. Married to her for 6 great years. Not only wasn't she a virgin *gasp* but she had a child from a previous relationship when she was just in college.

If this is a big hangup, get over it. Period. Judging a guy by whether he's had or not had sex is dumb. Now if he sleeps around a lot, diff matter.

But don't expect all great guys in the world to wait around for you. The not a virgin thing needs to be left behind.

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 02:18 PM

Guys develop a lot faster then girls do.. so not to burst you bubble or anything but most guys loose their virginity very early in life you I think you will have a really hard time trying to find a guy you can love like you do your boyfriend and him be a virgin as well.. ( I am not saying settle for anybody though :_)you really can't find EVERYTHING you want in a man just some of the important things like treating you right and loving you for who you are... which you need to as well- love him for who he is- :)

cherryblossom · Sep 20, 2006, 02:21 PM

I guess all of you are right. It's just, I'm afriad that he might still have feelings for her. Since she was his "first" & all. That's something that is always going to be there. I'm afraid of the same thing happening to me, what happened between them. You know, a repeat from the past. It's hard to me to accept it, but I guess that's what it's going to have to come down to.

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 02:35 PM

I had the exact feeling.. and you know to this day my man stills thinks of her it was his first love. You know but he never ever wishes he was with her still and I know that. He may think of her and everything ( by the way we have been together 4 years) but I know he is with me and that is what he wants for the rest of his life. You have to trust him, obviously he is with you not her.. right! :) be confident in yourself he wants you!

Here_To_Help- Jon · Sep 20, 2006, 02:39 PM

My "first" was 42 years ago. I have no feelings for her... :)

You can ASK him if he has feelings for this other girl.. my guess is he doesn't. No relationship is guaranteed - you need to look for signs that the relationship is working or it isn't working. If it is, then enjoy every moment of it... jonB

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 02:53 PM

Let me know if this helps you at all!

cherryblossom · Sep 20, 2006, 03:22 PM

Wow. Thanks. This helps a lot. But another thing. You don't think that since his last relationship was sexual, he's going to expect the same thing from me, to get over the previous girl do you? I'm seriously head over heels for this boy. & he "claims" he feels the same. But I don't want to be the next girl that just came a long. You know, the "rebound." it's so hard for me to talk to him about this. I wish someone would understand.

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 03:50 PM

I don't think so.. Just make sure that you keep strong. If you want to wait, wait there is absolutely no pressure and if he decides that he wants some and you don't want to give it up.. don't you better off without him.. of course know that, that might not happen that way.. I mean my fiancé never pushed I was the one who did it on my free will.. you man should never ever make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with. I am sure you guys are going to be great!

As for you being the rebound girl no way.. guys who just want sex don't date virgins! They date the towns "bike" if you know what I mean :)

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 03:53 PM

Believe me I understand you, I have just recently gotten over my mans past.. I mean it took me a long long time because I was afraid of talking to anybody let a lond him but one day io couldn't take it anymore and he told me everything I wanted to know even though it hurt.. we have been great ever since :0

momincali · Sep 20, 2006, 04:18 PM

This guy needs to know up front that as much as you like someone, and even if they like you, you will not have sex with them. As hard as it is to tell him this, I think its very important that you do and don't just try and brush it under the rug hoping it goes away.

I applaud you for keeping your virginity and staying pure. In this day and age that is unfortunately very rare. It will be hard to not give in to your feelings, but not impossible. Our feelings can sometimes get us into trouble, that's why we constantly need to be asking ourselves if what we are doing is right, not that it "feels" right. Be true to yourself and to the reasons you chose to stay pure. He needs to respect your wishes and be a gentleman if he wants to be with you. Never do anything you are not 1 million percent sure you want to do, and even then, think it over once more. Once virginity is gone, its gone. If he is genuine, he will understand. If he decides that he needs to be with someone who is willing to give it up, then so be it, he wasn't the one for you.

Presleygall85 · Sep 20, 2006, 04:21 PM

I totally agree 100% :)

s_cianci · Sep 20, 2006, 06:23 PM

You haven't specified what these "things" are that have you concerned, so it's hard to give you much advice. Your best bet is to come right out and discuss these concerns with your boyfriend. If there are any red flag issues going on then you certainly want to be wary of those.

s_cianci · Sep 20, 2006, 06:27 PM

As far as worrying about whether he still has feelings for his ex, does his behavior and conversation seem to indicate this? Usually it's pretty obvious. If it doesn't, then you probably have nothing to worry about.

cherryblossom · Sep 20, 2006, 07:31 PM

No. He doesn't talk about her unless I bring her up. Which, I shouldn't. Nobody likes to talk about their ex's I don't suppose. He swears up & down that what they had was a mistake, & he regrets it more then ever. He told me that he wished that he would have saved himself for me. I do believe he's sincere about all this. & what happened in the past is in the past. There isn't nothing anybody can do. He asked for my forgiveness and he got it. Thanks for all you guys help. I needed it.. I'm sure I have nothing to worry about.

cherryblossom · Sep 27, 2006, 10:25 AM

Okay so here's what's happening now. If you read my post last time, or if you didn't, I was talking about how me & my boyfriend have been dating for some while, but that I recently found out that he was in a 2-year relationship before me, and they were sexual active & everything & that I was worried. Some of you told me that she was an EX for a reason, but others feel that he might still have feelings for her, and that he's just with me to get over the previous girl. All this is coming down on me. I don't know whether to trust him. He told me that she was a mistake, & that if he could, he would take EVERYTHING back & save it for me, because I'm pure and haven't done anything with a guy really except kiss. :p So I took this into my own hands. I asked him if he loved her, & he said NO. He said that everything that happened between them was out of stupidity. :-/ But then whenever I asked some of his friends, they told me that he was whipped. Head of HEELS in love with her. She's a really pretty girl too for that matter. I'm not saying that I'm "unattractive" no, but I'm not going to sound too conceited. But I'm just afraid that he's going to want SOMETHING out of me to get over her. Even reading comments that he used to leave her on MYSPACE kills me. I mean how ridiculous is that? & I was even at his house the other day, and I was sort of "snoopping" (I guess you could say) through one of his drawers. I mean guys, he's still got pictures AMONG pictures of them two together. And notes & everything! My thinking is, if someone hurt me, like really HURT ME, I would make a point to throw away anything that reminded me of them. I mean c'mon now.

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