[mudweiser]

One of my friends, let's call her Mindy, has been seeing this new guy for about a month.

Mindy is barely legal, only 18. She's my friend sister in law and I just met her a few months ago. So we are not that close, plus I'm a couple years older than her.

Anyway, Mindy recently asked me "what can you take to conceive better?". I was confused by the question. She started telling me how this guy and her want to get pregnant by March [oh he's 31].

This is just crazy. She hasn't even finished high school, she just dropped out. She really has no goals in life. Her parents are also high school dropouts that had her at 16. They went through tough times but now the dad has a decent job-- needless to say they survived.

I kept saying things like:
-don't you want to travel?
-you tell me how much you want to go to the bar and your not even old enough to get in the bar-- once your 19 you'll want to go to the bars but you can't because you'll be stuck at home with a baby
-you don't even have your driver's license yet.
-you just met the guy
-how could he possibly love you if he wants to impregnate you at such a tender age and tarnish any sort of future you could have had


I don't know what else to do. She's pretty set on this thing.

-sigh-

[Cat1864]

Has she had any interactions with babies?

I am trying to think of any way to give her a huge dose of reality before it is too late.

[mudweiser]

Yes she has. She says she is ready for it.

Ugh.

[Cat1864]

Kids having kids wanting to have kids. Remind me to get a case of aspirin for J_9's bunny and something for Synnen to punch.

Is there some reason why he wants her to get pregnant by March? That sounds a little strange even in this situation. I wonder what personal reasons he has for this stupidity other than controlling her.

Has she worked out the expenses of having a child?

[mudweiser]

He works in the University in this town and gets paid well.

I don't know too much information on the guy.

All I know is that he wants to have kids and she's willing to give up her life for that.

[UnluckyDucky]

Since she's technically 18, there's not much you can do. Sad, very sad indeed.

Through the years I've learned that you ultimately can't force someone to change their mind about things - they have to come to a decision either way on their own. You can continue to try to convince her using facts and logic but I think you'll be falling on deaf ears.

That being said, you could try the following:

* You stated you weren't that close to her. Sit down and hang out with and really get to know her. Find out what her passions and dreams are and be genuinely interested. People have a tendency to be more willing to listen to a person they've gotten to know and feel close to. (don't bring up any of this baby stuff until you've felt you've built up a good amount of rapport)

* When the time is right, try to speak in terms of how she will feel if she can or cannot do X due to having a child to take care of. Example: How would you feel watching all of your friends being able to go out to bars, etc. while you had to stay home and look after your baby?

[Fr_Chuck]

Souinds more to me, while legal of course, she is fixed on this older man who has some controlling factors,

Have you meet this man ? Why not get her to tell you all about him, pretend to be excieted if you can.

Perhaps she feels if she gets pregnant he will marry her or something, sure makes for a June wedding

[amicon]

What do the parents think? Do they know?
Sadly,it seems to be one of those situations where the voice of reason won't get listened to.
And he sounds a bit of a weirdo.. . Dating a girl 13 years younger-very odd.. .

[J_9]

Oh... my poor bunny... Where is the Tylenol? Oh, wait let's move straight to the good stuff... 4mg of Morphine!

[Newguy2009]

So March has passed. What happened?

[mudweiser]

Oh we don't speak anymore.

As far as I know from a mutual friend she's not pregnant and got a dog. She's still with the guy though.