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rachaelicious · Nov 17, 2006, 02:59 AM

I love this site -its really good advice. Thank-you to all who responded to my other 2 questions -i have a feeling you guys will be hearing from me a bit over the next few weeks. My problem is that my ex-partner will not leave our rented home. I've set deadlines, he promises to go then something always happens so he can't go -such as I lost my job, I haven't got any money (when did he ever? ), most recent -the landlord of new place is away for 2 weeks. All are plausible excuses. He once stood in front of me shouting, 'of course I want to move out and away from you you f***ing B**tch' and wrote down 'i will move out as soon as I can' on a piece of paper, and shoved it down my top so I could read it when I asked the question again. I have 2 kids, they're 6 next month, they hear us arguing sometimes, -its me that starts shouting I get so frustrated with him. They're living a strange world. We argue every 2 weeks or something, but the rest of the time I just stay out of the way because he annoys me so much. I just stay in my bedroom or go to a friends house (and until 2 weeks ago I had a boyfriend whose house I'd disappear to -yeah I know that was dumb -see my other posts). Anyway my ex sleeps on the sofa so he doesn't have a room to go to. I truly don't want to leave my house, -its beautiful and my kids are in a good school. I think they've got so much to deal with right now that they shouldn't have to make any further changes. When I put this to him he agrees and says 'yeah, I am going don't move'. But then nothing. He doesn't pay towards rent, bills food anything. I don't want to go the legal route because 1 -it'll be awful for the kids because he's really going to despise me then and 2. the landlord will not be happy because I've lied and said that ex doesn't live here anymore when I recently resigned the contract (at that point he was apparently all set to leave in 5 days). It's a nightmare, and I just don't know what to do.

Please give me some good advice.

Krs · Nov 17, 2006, 03:21 AM

I would contact your landlord and be honest with him this time.
If lease contract is in your name only, then you have all the right to kick him out with the help of your landlord.
He sounds like a bummer and won't move out unless you kick him out.
You deserve better.

Allheart · Nov 17, 2006, 04:21 AM

I know you may not want to do this, but I think the fastest way to be rid of him, is for you and your childern to pack and get a different place. I know the change will be difficult for you and the children, but by the sounds of it, what the three of you are going through now, sounds far more difficult and the longer you stay, sadly, the more negative impact it will have on you and your children.

I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope it all turns out perfectly for you and your children.

flower81 · Nov 17, 2006, 05:17 AM

I don't think she should get out.. He needs to get out, as KRS said he is a bummer

Sentra · Nov 17, 2006, 05:19 AM

I agree with Krs, this man needs your shoe size introduced to his rear end. Your kids don't need that kind of environment and you really don't need the stress; raising two babies takes it out of you! Take care and stay firm with this guy.

talaniman · Nov 17, 2006, 05:41 PM

Enough of letting him call the shots, call the cops and be done with it. He's not supposed to be there and you have kids to think about, Do you need the number? What if your landlord throws all of you out then what?

valinors_sorrow · Nov 17, 2006, 06:18 PM

Where is your backbone girl? Never mind that, where is your BRAIN??

Let's take some inventory...
You are breaking your word to your landlord
You are letting essentially an abusive homeless person sleep on your couch
You are allowing yourself to get sucked into verbal abuse matches
You stood there while your unwelcomed houseguest assaulted you (that paper shoving is considered assault in the eyes of the law)
... mostly in front of your kids, I bet

And you think its going to be too traumatic on your kids when you hurt his feelings throwing him out??

Act now. Don't post here anymore until you have. You don't need any more advice.

ordinaryguy · Nov 17, 2006, 07:55 PM

Talk to your landlord so he knows the truth and will support you, then call the cops, have him removed and charge him with trespass. He's had way too many last chances. You don't have to put up with this.

dbek · Nov 17, 2006, 08:04 PM

I wonder if you would go to the landlord from helping (be honest) and tell him that your boyfriend is there living and maybe he can give him a 30 day eviction-or however that works where your from. It's worth a shot-then you boyfriend will think the landlord says he has to leave and it won't be so hard on the children.

MasonRacin · Nov 18, 2006, 01:43 AM

Hey there, I'm a new poster too. My advice is to contact your landlord, if he/she cannot serve your ex with an eviction notice, then you may need to contact your local law enforcement office and have him and his belongings escorted off the property while your children are not present. I remember when I was a kid watching mom/dad or mom/boyfriend argue, I hated it, caused some emotional trauma growing up. I'd rather have two separate happy parents than parents who are together and fight. Besides your kids are very impressionable and its not good for them to learn bad relationship habits at such a young age. If your ex despises you, let him, but don't let your arguing influence the little ones, its not their fault and they shouldn't have to pay the price for the "grown-up" stuff.

rachaelicious · Nov 18, 2006, 03:38 AM

Thank-you for all the advice. He's been told got until Monday or I will inform the landlord. Told him it may result in me and the kids having to move. He says he's going on Sunday -tomorrow. We'll see. If he's not then I'll phone the landlord. Thank-you again.

Sentra · Nov 18, 2006, 07:02 AM

I hope things go the way they are planned, good luck to you:).

valinors_sorrow · Nov 18, 2006, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by rachaelicious

thank-you for all the advice. he's been told got til monday or i will inform the landlord. told him it may result in me and the kids having to move. he says he's going on sunday -tomorrow. we'll see. if he's not then i'll phone the landlord. thank-you again.

Call the landlord now for several reasons. The sooner he is made aware that you intend to keep your word the sooner you are not at risk for getting caught breaking your word to him, which is worse. Another is the landlord can prepare for the cops thing and not have it hit him all at once - I know I would appreciate a headsup like that. And most importantly, it will demonstrate who's side you are on and how much business you mean and that will likely change whether tomorrow really is moving day or not. Let your landlord know that you are hoping that by calling him, you won't have to call the cops and I would bet he'll support with your plan since if you do have to call the cops, the landlord will be already aware. I don't think the landlord is in much of a legal position to break your lease over your unwelcomed houseguest, frankly. And he is not the one who has to turn the guest out, you are-- even the cops will tell you that.

Krs · Nov 20, 2006, 01:51 AM

How did it go?
Did he leave?

rachaelicious · Nov 20, 2006, 05:23 AM

Yes he's gone -WOOOOO HOOOOO!!

Krs · Nov 20, 2006, 05:43 AM

Well done am so pleased for you :)

talaniman · Nov 20, 2006, 06:12 AM

If you didn't get your keys, change the locks. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, in other words go forward from here.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 20, 2006, 06:18 AM

Phew... and in the peace and quiet to come, maybe give some thought to the guys you've been open to and consider making a few changes besides your locks. ;)

Sentra · Nov 20, 2006, 10:14 AM

Whoohoo! Break out the eggnog!:) That's so great to hear, wish you well!

rachaelicious · Nov 20, 2006, 10:24 AM

Thank-you for the advice and the good vibes -they kept me strong!
And yes - i will be very careful who i let into my life for a long time now -time to be alone, and find out how good i am -then i won't put any others up there as a knight in shining armour and expect so much again!

Bit of work to do on myself before i find my equal i think xxx