[CravenMorhead]

Good Afternoon,

I am 29, my girl friend is 27, we have been dating for over two years now, and have been living together for a year and a half. She has Hypothyroidism and takes Synthroid.

Background. In the beginning it was good. We would have sex a lot. It didn't really matter the time of day. For the first month she wasn't on Birth Control, so we were using the condoms. Then she went of birthcontrol for the better part of a year and a half. Nuvaring.

After we moved in together things started slowing down. That is fine. About a year ago sex started getting painful for her. Painful stretching sort of feeling. Like she was being penetrated by an object that was far too big for that particular opening. It was then, or shortly afterwards that she went off the Nuvaring.

So for the past year or so, whenever we have been having sex, it has been with a condom, lots of lube. For all but the last few months the pain has killed the mood. It wouldn't matter if she had been turned on and climaxed, it would still hurt, but in the stretchy rippy kind of way. Sometimes she would grin, bear it, and NOT tell me about it, and then be sore for a day afterwards. I put a halt to that, if it is going to hurt her, then no way.

In the last month it has gotten a little better, but it is a matter of "hurry up, it is starting to hurt."

Other pertinent information:
* We have both been tested for STDs, we're both clean
* She has had doctors say it could be Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome.
* She has had doctors say that it wasn't PCOS
* She was on Metformin for a while for PCOS, but it had no effect.
* Having no effect, she was taken off the Metformin.
* Her estrogen level is about menopause.
* I am larger then normal, girth and length. This hasn't been a problem before with her, or other partners.

My supposition is that she has a severe hormonal imbalance brought on by an interaction between the Nuvaring and her synthroid. She is as frustrated as I am.

Any thoughts? Ideas?

Cheers,
Craven

[Gemini54]

She needs to get a complete hormone check ASAP. If she is only in her late twenties and her estrogen levels are at menopausal level then she is experiencing premature menopause and this needs to be treated.

Low estrogen levels can seriously affect the lining of the vagina - the walls become thin and intercourse (regardless of how much lube you use) can become extremely uncomfortable. (This is exacerbated if there have been no children or pregnancies to 'inject' estrogen into the system.)

Some doctors prescribe estrogen pessaries which can be very effective.

However, your GF needs to go to a specialist doctor that has experience with premature menopause and who can treat it in conjunction with her hypothyroidism.

[CravenMorhead]

Just an update, in case anyone cares.

The painful parts seems, as far as the Gyn knows, a pelvic floor muscle issue. The vaginal canal is not irritated, but when the muscles are stretched, that is when the pain occurs. So they're sending her to the Physiotherapist. That'll be awkward.

As or the mediocre sex drive, they're waiting for the blood work. She has lamented, "I miss my sex drive". It is hormonal, at least it seems to be.

[Cat1864]

Just an update, in case anyone cares.

The painful parts seems, as far as the Gyn knows, a pelvic floor muscle issue. The vaginal canal is not irritated, but when the muscles are stretched, that is when the pain occurs. So they're sending her to the Physiotherapist. That'll be awkward.

As or the mediocre sex drive, they're waiting for the blood work. She has lamented, "I miss my sex drive". It is hormonal, at least it seems to be.

Thanks for the update. I hope it she starts feeling better now that there is some idea of what is going on.

Yes, we do care. :)

[Synnen]

I know I'm late responding here, and that she's already seen a doctor--but has she had an ultrasound to either verify or discount PCOS?

I have PCOS, and sex DOES get very painful in some positions. Because of the PCOS, though--the symptoms I had were partially mis-diagnosed: I also have endometriosis, which makes sex EXTREMELY painful. However, the symptoms I have for endometriosis happen to be the same as those I have for PCOS--and the endometriosis wasn't found until I was in surgery to remove cysts from my ovaries.

I mention this solely because I had no idea it COULD be an issue for me. I thought it HAD be diagnosed already, and that treating the PCOS would "fix" me.

I'm glad they've come to the conclusion that the loss of sex drive is hormonal! At least she can get medical help for that!

Sounds like you've been very supportive and patient with her--good on you! Thanks for keeping us updated!

[CravenMorhead]

She did have the vaginal ultrasound, and everything was normal. IE, no obvious signs of PCOS. Though in talking with the doctor, he made it sound like it was very hard to diagnose PCOS without collecting every drop of urine from her for a few months to verify the condition.

The hormonal issue seems to be brought on by her thyroid condition. This is leading for insulin resistance in the ovaries that causes almost menopausal levels of estrogen. She has almost stopped having her period at this point.

It has been part of the trial of working with the Canadian Healthcare system. We have been having this issue for a while, and it difficult to get the appointment with the OB/GYN. We got in the door, and it seems that things aren't as serious as we feared they could be.

Sex is a very important part of a relationship for me, but it isn't the only part. For me, this is just one of those trials of life that you get. If she wasn't willing to deal with the issue and was content with being non-sexual then it would be a different case. Our relationship expectations wouldn't be the same and we would have split up. I am happy that this isn't the case. This is as important to her as it is to me. After all we want to have children one day and the process would be difficult if I couldn't stick my pee-pee in her whoo-whoo.

We have had our long talks about this and how it is affecting our relationship. A long story short, we are both of the same opinion and goals. We are working through this and if anything making our relationship stronger.

I doubt though that it is endometriosis, the symptoms don't match up. The pain was the same throughout her cycle, when she was on Oral BC, and none of the othere symptoms matched up.

Thanks for your support!

Craven

[shazamataz]

I have the same thing.
Yep. It sucks. I haven't had sex because of it in over 2 YEARS.

I have been poked and prodded more times than I dare to count by doctors and specialists only to be told "Nothing is wrong"

I came to the conclusion I have vaginismus, I know self diagnosing is wrong but hey, the doctors did nothing to help me.
Recommended coarse of action is stretching. I thought well... why not, it can't do any harm. You can buy sets of different sized 'stretchers' but they are expensive, I just went to the adult store and picked up a few different sized vibrators for half the price (and they can be used for 'other' things ;) )
I have only just started doing this but I honestly can feel a difference.
I will let you know how it goes in a few weeks if your girlfriend is still having troubles.

[Gemini54]

Good to hear that at least you're getting some sensible answers, and you're working through it together. Great also to hear about other poster's personal experiences. Hey, life is a challenge for all of us!

[CravenMorhead]

Anyone familiar with the Canadian Healthcare system knows that, if you don't have a family doctor then you tend to rely on Walk-In Clinics. It is all free and such which is awesome, but with the rotation of the doctors, you don't often get the same one twice and the doctors aren't as... attached to their patients.

The other problem is that each of them looks over the notes and then promptly starts from the beginning. We went through five doctors like that in the Walk-Ins'. She got a family doctor, finally! But... the Family Doctor doesn't care about her as a patient. She has hypothyroidism, she needs blood test every six months to a year to make sure her dosing is good. Nada. When she went in, after not having a blood test done in a year, the doctor wasn't concerned. Nor was she concern with the Dyspareunia (Sort of a blanket for painful sexual intercourse) that my Girl Friend had.

We finally came across a fellow you took the time to look through her history. He realized that it was beyond his purview and sent her to a OB/GYN. The OB/GYN gave us the above diagnosis and referred her to a Physiotherapist.

So we have a firm diagnosis at this point:
Vulvodynia (Vulvar pain that can't be explained by skin disease or vaginal disease.)
Specifically: vulvar vestibulitis (Which narrows down the disorder to entrance of the Vagina.)

From what I have been told, the nerve endings that sense pain are firing in her vaginal vestibule (Doesn't that sound like some place where you would meet someone for tea?) at any and all provocation. So where you body would normally report a stretching feeling, the feeling you get when you open your mouth REALLY wide, her body reports severe pain. When you would normally get the feeling of movement, i.e. the feeling of rubbing something on your arm, she gets severe pain. When you... I think you get the idea.

The good news. This is common, though this is the first I have heard of this, and more so 95% of the cases are curable through physiotherapy. She needs to re-train her muscles to send the proper signals instead of pain. Considering she is under 30, has had sex reasonably painlessly in the last few months, and this condition has been going on only for the last year or so, the prognosis is good. Three or four months of Physio and exercises at home and she should be as right as rain.

The cause of this... still sort of a medical mystery. It can come about from many sources.Vaginal dryness is one, but we tried to keep that area well lubricated both during and outside of intercourse. The nuvaring could have also been the culprit. It could have just been a random occurrence. This isn't so important save for what to avoid in the future.

So, in summary. We know what it is. We know it is treatable. We know that it isn't a rare or uncommon disease. We are both relieved that we aren't doomed to a sexless relationship!

Now to get her hormones sorted out.

[Synnen]

That's awesome! Thanks for letting us know what was going on!

[Gemini54]

Fantastic!

Thank God for a good health care system. Now you know exactly what you're dealiing with and can respond appropriately.

I hope your relationship goes from strength to strength.

[CravenMorhead]

I hope your relationship goes from strength to strength.

Thank you for your wishes. :-)

When my girlfriend was talking with the Physiotherapist about this condition, the question of how many relationships were broken up by this condition. Apparently only one that the therapist could recall, a couple who were married in their forties, where this resulted in a divorce/split. All the couples would came to them were very supportive of each other. The interesting part is that this surprised the therapist because it completely went against what the common conception of men and their sexual needs.

It is funny, and indicative of a shift in the priorities of the common man. We are more interested in relationships then just straight sex. Such that when a condition like this arises, we would rather rally behind our SO's then dump her and find a more willing piece of tail.

[CravenMorhead]

As I am won't to do. I have an update. Last night I was nodding off to sleep and my GF turns over and says, "I sorta of want to try sex." And I says, ".... pardon?"

The last few days that she has been doing her exercises, the stretching of the vestibule, it has hurt at all so she wanted to try it out and see how sex was and gave me a condom.

The pain was present but was down to a 2 from a 7 or 8. I get the feeling, more so from her body language then anything, that she enjoyed as much as I did.

The last Physio appointment of her set is this Thursday, so we will get the final word then. The word being is she is 'cured' or if there is more.

This was a bit of a break through on a couple fronts. Most importantly it was proof of concept. All we need to figure out is the hormonal problem and then we are golden!

[Cat1864]

I hope there is good news at the appointment. :)

I am so glad that she does seem to be improving. Good luck. :)

[CravenMorhead]

Final update. Short version: We broke up a week ago. This wasn't the major reason, but a contributing factor.

Long version.
The pain had gotten down to a 1 or 2 on the 10 point scale. About two or three months ago she had rolled over and said "Let's give it a try". Well we tried and it worked. After the initial penetration the pain subsided and we could get it going so it were. I took that as a green light to start rebuilding our sex life.

There were a lot of communication issues. She wouldn't talk to me and would say yes when she meant no. This lead to a complete breakdown in the relationship.

As it related to the original issue, I expect that her libido and ability to have sex will increase in the coming years, but I won't be able to report it. I think there are several other medical and mental issues are work here that I am not sure I completely understand.

Thanks all for your advice and support. I am sad it ended this way, but in reflection it was inevitable.

[Cat1864]

I am sorry it ended this way, Craven. If you need to rant, you know we are here for you.

[CravenMorhead]

I am sorry it ended this way, Craven. If you need to rant, you know we are here for you.

I appreciate that. I have a great support group IRL and have found the same in the online world.

I am a more dominant person than she was. I also need boundaries and I need them enforced. For example if I take a joke too far or push too hard for something. I need someone to stop me and say, "Craven you're being a ****. Stop it." The problem was that her parents were very verbally violent and as such she avoided conflict at all costs. Which meant that I had no perceived boundaries and when I test them I would run all over her. I will push to see how far I can go and once I know the line and can stay a distance back from it. Not the best way to do things I know.

This reared itself in the sexual context. I thought that her turning over and initiating was her way of saying it is time to get our sexual lives in gear again. It was, as I learned last Monday, just her testing the waters. She never told me that she didn't want to try again for a while. She I would try to initiate. She would say yes, but when we got to the bedroom several hours later, she would be too tired, or what not. So it was bad communication. She said yes and meant no. She would capitulate a few times and it was a matter of put it in and get off as quickly as possible.

She never once wanted to be pleasured. She was all about me. I don't know if this was subconscious or if she just wanted to guilt me into not doing it any more. I don't know what all her motives are.

In the end, and not with out me fighting for it, we agreed that we didn't really work well as a couple. It was a good relationship, but it's time had passed and it was over. Everything we were doing was just making us embittered towards the other person. We called it at that point.

In my vanity and pride I thought we could have made it work. In humility I found we couldn't.

Such is life. We will remain friends. How close? I don't know.

Always,
Craven Morhead
----------------
Aristotle (384-322 BC) - Greek philosopher
Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy.