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talaniman · May 17, 2011, 06:49 AM

Sometimes the words we hear do not match the actions another takes. You have to take them both words, and actions in total to get a bigger picture than just the narrow view of what you want.

And when we are hurt by the way things work out we must rebuild ourselves with a proper healing, so we do not hurt when we are alone, and dwell on the hurt, and the people that hurt us. That takes time and a lot of work on your part.

So I hope you heal properly before you decide to marry, and gain true happiness with yourself again, or your hurt and pain will make you an unhappy lousy partner, and that's not fair to someone, anyone else.

Be good to yourself, and heal before you make big decisions. One step at a time. One day at a time.

broken_ heart · Jun 4, 2011, 10:14 PM

Got few emails from him, which I should have not read, but I did..
He used abusive language for me... said I have no character because I got involve with him emotionally and physically knowing he is married... his wife is million times better than me... and he doesn't want me in his life... my absence doesn't efffect him... etc.. etc... a week later got another email.. in which he apologized for the previous email and said that he was drunk and had no idea what all he sent to me... he came to know only when he saw his email in sent email... said he respects me and loves me a lot and want me back again... and is very much feeling sorry for what he wrote in his email... though I didn't respond to any of his email... and it didn't left much effect on me too... I know my mistakes and may be he is right in saying what he said... but again his changed words leave me in some thoughts... thoughts about what exactly this man thinks and want from me... if he hates me so much why he is coming back and if he loves me why he is saying such things... I am getting no answers to this... need help in getting clarity about his intentions...

Stringer · Jun 4, 2011, 11:10 PM

Sex... something on the side. To me this man has no character, pride or integrity. Please give yourself a break and realize that this is all he wants... actions speak much louder that words.

Continue to ignore him and give yourself a chance at a happy life.

Proud of you that you have gotten this far but you need to have NO CONTACT at all... delete emails without reading them. Why even open them?

Stringer

vanheart · Jun 5, 2011, 01:40 AM

Hes just trying to hurt you more.

Some people are twisted that way. Putting the blame elsewhere so they don't have to feel anything.
Especially drunk ones.

If you really go NC, you won't have to ever deal with that again.

But, you are the one that accepted the emails & read them.

Who's to blame now? You, for not blocking him for good...

Disappear from him. Act like he doesn't exist.

"his wife is million times better than me...and he doesnt want me in his life...my absence doesnt efffect him"

Ok, well, later then, you knew that already, right? No more reason to chat.

amicon · Jun 5, 2011, 01:52 AM

Block his email and keep moving on with your own life-it
Doesn't matter what he thinks,feels or does.

He's history.

broken_ heart · Jul 1, 2011, 10:34 AM

He is history.. dont think so... every time I try to go away from him... life throws me in front of him... I left my job because my office was near to his workplace and in that situation it was difficult to avoid him... we came very close.. got intimate.. to the extent we never came in so many years... and when I think of the time I spent with him... I don't feel guilty... although its against our society.. our culture... but still I love the time I spent with him... I went for an interview yesterday... and he was in front of me.. he was there with some work... he ignored me... and passed by me... then outside the office... I said hello to him... he said he is guilty of the time he spent with me... and doesn't want those things to happen again... I know whatever he said was right... but when I heard it from him... I didn't feel good about it... hours later I called him... don't know why... I had nothing to talk about... but I wanted to hear him... he didn't answer the call... I waited... then sent him a text... he didn't reply to that too... as the time was passing... something was going in me... lot of thought were running in my mind... at one time I said fine he did it for good... and I should have not called him... and on second moment I again picked the phone and called him... the more he was ignoring my calls and texts.. the more I was calling him... but he kept quite... like I did to him... at last at the end of the day... I received a text from him... in which he told me not to call him because he is busy and at home... I know its my mistake... to say hello to him... but I want to confess something here... I went on NC.. tried everything to keep myself busy... but I never forgot him... 20 hours a day.. he is in my thoughts... in nights I couldn't sleep... shared my problem with a close friend... she also tried to help... I tried to be attentive to the guy I was engaged... but I was not there with him... my mind was always there to him... its over now... he cheated me.. and then cheated his wife... but still my heart wants him... I am sick... I know you all will scold me after reading all this... and truly I was afraid of saying that I broke the NC again...

talaniman · Jul 1, 2011, 11:07 AM

No scolding, forgive yourself, and do better.

broken_ heart · Jul 1, 2011, 11:56 AM

I love him Tal... and I want to spend my entire life with him... I feel scary when I think of getting married to some other man... he can never be mine in this life... I know... and I can't do anything... I have lost him already... but this pain never ends...

talaniman · Jul 1, 2011, 12:02 PM

It will if you follow a few suggestions and not act on your own hurt feelings. Look, we all here have been dumped, and had our hearts broken, and it hurts, but we deal with the pain and act in our own behalf to thrive and survive so we can move on and do better for ourselves.

Every time you go back to the misery and pain, you get more misery and pain. As you now know. Remember that when you ever see him again, or have that urge to call or text him. Just don't repeat the action you know for a fact, are BIG mistakes.

amicon · Jul 2, 2011, 01:54 AM

Which part of you want to stay stuck in the misery of the past?

Why won't you allow yourself to move on?

That's what you need to look at.

Don't make this obsession, because that's what it is, a life style.

vanheart · Jul 4, 2011, 03:39 PM

I agree. Your obsessed. Hes not the only guy in this world.

The sooner you put him out of your head, the better you will be.

Until then, you will be holding yourself back.

How much longer to you want to be unhappy?

You are doing all of this to yourself. C'mon now.

broken_ heart · Jul 6, 2011, 11:58 AM

I am trying... and he is also no more interested in me... that's what I felt... whatever we lived is nothing for him...

vanheart · Jul 6, 2011, 04:44 PM

All the more reason to let it go.

broken_ heart · Jul 22, 2012, 01:07 AM

Hey guys.. thanks to all of you from bottom of my heart... finally I feel out of all this... thanks for all the support and good advice...

amicon · Jul 22, 2012, 01:11 AM

Hey,great!!

Take good care of you!

talaniman · Jul 22, 2012, 09:37 AM

I love it when posters get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.