[realme69]

I caught my wife lying about a onenightstand she said sory and she loves me and that was that for her but the thought of her doing that and lying to me has made me lose trust and who's to say she won't do it again

[jaime90]

You're right. If she cheated once, she can cheat again, and who's to say she won't? The truth is, EVERYONE has the option to cheat on their spouse, and no one is immune to the temptation to cheat. This is why it is important to protect one another from the temptation. Make some healthy boundaries for you and your wife in relation to the opposite sex. (ie. You will not ride alone in a car with women, and she will not ride alone in a car with a man. If you see that one of her male friends has wrong intentions, you will caution her, and vice versa. You will not hang out with the opposite sex alone, and will not have physical contact with the opposite sex... aside from each other of course... ) These rules aren't controlling, they're actually protecting her and you, from getting into tempting situations.

On top of that cheating, then turning around and telling your husband you still love him, is ridiculous! Love is commitment- not cheating.

Trust is one of the key ingridients for a relationship. If you can't trust your partner, you will end up miserable, or you will end up broken up. Why don't you get a neutral person to sit down and talk to you both about the situation- like a counselor, a pastor and his wife, or a trusted friend?
Tell your wife that you have lost trust in her. If need be, take a break. But I believe you should get some professional advice from a counselor.

[jmjoseph]

The question is, can you forgive her? Do you have children? How long have you been married?

This is a tough one for you to get past.

Me, personally, cheating is a deal breaker. I wouldn't cheat on my wife, and she wouldn't cheat on me. We both know that our trust is not to be compromised. People in love, who respect their mate, do not do things like this.

This is the most selfish thing that she could have done.

If she had issues about what you were, and were not, doing, she should have talked to you about it.

She CHEATED, and LIED about it.

You are the only one that can answer your own question, I'm sorry to say.

She promised to be faithful to you, and she broke that promise.

Does she show remorse? Or is she thinking " what's the big deal?"

Unfortunately, there is no way to know if she will do it again.

I feel for you. I would not want to be in your shoes.

Good luck on making your decision.

[artlady]

There are no guarantees that this won't happen again.

Did you resolve the issues in your marriage that led up to this?

Does she understand why she cheated,what she was hoping to gain from it?

You need to resolve whatever conflict is happening in your marriage before you can consider moving on to repair the breach of trust.

Was there an affair that led up to this one night stand or was it just someone she picked up in a bar?

If it was an affair ,that is an emotional entanglement and there was a reason she felt compelled to do so.What was it?

Sometimes ,no matter how hard we try we cannot forgive and only you can answer that for yourself.

Perhaps marriage counseling is the way you need to go to have an objective party get to the bottom of why this happened.

Make her pay for it!

[Jake2008]

People make mistakes. All kinds of mistakes that puts a huge divide in any marriage. An affair is different than an one night stand. Yes, the result is cheating no matter how many times, but let's put this in perspective. She made a mistake.

The point is, is she remorseful? Is she willing to talk about it? Would she go to counselling?

What kind of shape was the marriage in, before and after.

I would think that marriage counselling would be helpful in rebuilding trust, and learning to forgive, and move on. Throwing the marriage out isn't the answer, and because she had a one night stand, does not automatically mean she will have another one for the rest of her life.

Personally, and just my opinion here, we throw away too many otherwise good marriages, when what has happened can be mended.

I think you owe it to yourself, and your marriage, to at least try.

[Devorameira]

The core of your relationship is gone, long gone. You can’t trust her and she shows no remorse. There are many wives who are unhappy, feel neglected by their husbands and want much more in their lives. Some of them choose divorce and others choose to cheat. What is the difference between the two? Morality.

The basics for a healthy relationship are communication, trust and respect. If the trust is gone, you should be also.

-------------------------------------------

Each day, silently affirm that you are the type of person with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life. Bob Moawad

The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. Mother Teresa

[Gemini54]

I don't think that a one night stand needs to be a deal breaker. Although she lied, she has expressed remorse and let you know that she loves you.

People are human, they make mistakes and do these sorts of things. Of course, it does break your trust, and can be devastating, but only you can decide if this behavior is indicative of deeper problems in your relationship or in her essential character.

If you decide to give her another chance you will find that on your part it will take time to rebuild trust and on her part, she has to be willing to give you that time and prove to you that she is trustworthy.

Perhaps some honest talking or counselling can help you work through this?

[Rich11111]

I really think we need more information to give you a good answer here.
A one night stand is one of the few forms of infidelity that I could forgive, but it greatly depends on the circumstances that led to it.
One big thing we need to know is was this a physical consummation of an emotional affair or was it one night with a guy she barely knew?

When you say "That was that for her" are you saying she feels no guilt over this and thinks it's all OK because she loves you? Because if so I am sorry but if she thinks a one night stand is no big deal and everything is solved with a "I'm sorry" then she has no respect for you and is very likely to cheat again and I would advise you to get out of this marriage.

[borealis7]

Man, grow a couple. YOU deserve better. YOU were faithful, and you love her. ANYONE who does not see that is weak and guilty. You MUST love yourself before you love any other.

[ohsohappy]

Here's a question I think needs to be answered. Was the one night stande BEFORE or AFTER you were married?