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Jayjay027 · Oct 21, 2009, 11:36 AM

Hi sweetie.

You will have good days where you think "man I can't believe how miserable I was yesterday" then you'll have bad days where you think "man I can't believe how miserable I am today!"
It's like riding on the crest of a wave or a rollercoaster, there's so many up's and downs, its crazy.

The stickies on this thread are good, I got a good idea from it. I got the Godfather trilogy and watched them, and it made me feel better for a bit. It's seems silly but small things that take your mind off it help.
Keep busy, tidy up, read a book, watch movies and see your friends and family as much as possible.

The no contact thing will get easier if you stick to it everyday. I know there are some points when you want nothing more than to text him or call him, but you have to fight the urge, because his response may not make you feel better.

I didn't text mine for ages, but he kept contacting me and we got back together, but taking it slow to make it work.

The best thing you can do is keep busy. Talk to people who make you feel better, and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings, people don't tire of hearing it, we just want to make you feel better and make you happier - your friends will be the same.

benson1 · Oct 21, 2009, 02:06 PM

Aw I'm glad to hear uz have worked things out and I wish u the best! Just make sure he pays for his behaviour! :)
I know ill have bad days! Been going to the gym a lot so that's helped.
During out last txt session I told him that I missed him and cared about him but I'm going to try not think about us and get own with my own stuff.
I said I hoped we could work it out after a month but I am not hanging around or assuming anything. Do u think it was wrong for me to say all that?

He didn't txt back but I feel there was not much he could say. I just think he is really low u know and wanted him to know I care! But I'm def going for the nc I'm not going to cave cause it makes me feel rubbish when I do!

Jayjay027 · Oct 21, 2009, 02:32 PM

You should stop contacting him. He knows how you feel now, you have made your feelings clear, now you need to take a step back and let him come to his own decision.

When you go out, leave your mobile phone at home unless you absolutely need it.
That helped me, because I would only be checking it every 5 minutes otherwise.

benson1 · Oct 21, 2009, 02:44 PM

Yeah you are absolutely right. I feel like a weights been lifted in a way because I now feel I have said everything I could! So if I text again it would seem rather pointless.
I now need to step back and let him come to terms with his feeling. I'm still thinking about what he is doing and feeling but I'm sure that's normal.
That a good idea about watching movies! I'm doing that this weekend with my friend! No romantic comedys though! :)

benson1 · Oct 22, 2009, 07:53 AM

Had s hit day at work which has made me miss him so much!
But no contact!

Jayjay027 · Oct 22, 2009, 10:25 AM

Keep up the no contact, it does get easier.

benson1 · Oct 22, 2009, 01:46 PM

How long did u have nc contact with your ex before you got back? And when he text you did you text back?

Jayjay027 · Oct 22, 2009, 02:25 PM

I kept No contact for a week, although during this time, he was texting me - I didn't reply.

The only time I replied was when he asked me back. I replied "did you just ask me out?" and he called me.

Not replying to his texts was the hardest thing I ever did, but I'm glad I did it. He said the no contact made him see how life was without me and he didn't like it. He said every argument we ever had seemed so ridiculous compared to the hurt he felt when we were apart.

But the thing is, this doesn't always happen with everyone. Most break ups are just that - I just don't want you getting your hopes up to have them shattered again because you seem like such a lovely person!

benson1 · Oct 22, 2009, 02:37 PM

Aw thank you I know I can't get my hopes up
I need to toughen up a bit
But its so hard!

I think I'm finding it hard cause if I believe him and his friends its nothing to do with our relationship its because he is down about his lack of a career!
But I need to stick to NC. Did you only text back when he text what you wanted?

Jayjay027 · Oct 23, 2009, 02:00 AM

That was part of the reason for our break up - he was down about his job and some home problems, and instead of opening up to me about it, he pushed me away.

I didn't reply to him at all until he text me asking me back. I wasn't going to let him break my heart, then still be able to get my advice and support. I felt he needed to see the picture without me in it, so he could make an informed decision.
It hurt like hell, but I looked at it as a break up rather than a break, it made me deal with NC better.

benson1 · Oct 23, 2009, 02:07 AM

Yeah that's a good idea maybe the whole month thing is unrealistic! He has not text me or anything but if he every does I
Won't reply until I hear what I want to type thing!

benson1 · Oct 24, 2009, 05:47 AM

Ok so I read the so you want another chance and going to do my best to follow it. One thing it pointed out is that if someone is feeling rubbish about themselves they struggle to feel happy about anything else!
Is that's what maybe happened here? My ex says he feels like a failure and will only bring me down. So can he not love me because he can't love himself?

Do you think if he starts to feel better about himself he will feel better about us?

Sorry for going on guys I feel I need to post it here or ill blow and txt him

talaniman · Oct 24, 2009, 05:56 AM

Only he would know that but the process of him feeling better and being happy with himself is a long and hard one. How he feels about his whole life after that is any ones guess. That's why waiting for that to happen is false hope, and a waste of time.

When a persons feelings about himself changes, sometimes his feelings about you will change also.

benson1 · Oct 24, 2009, 06:00 AM

He says his feelings for me has not changed? Is that guilt talking

talaniman · Oct 24, 2009, 06:39 AM

Do his actions match his words??

benson1 · Oct 24, 2009, 06:43 AM

I see what your saying so his feelings have changed?

talaniman · Oct 24, 2009, 07:16 AM

Or his actions. Sometimes when we are down, we really don't know what's changed, or how much. He needs the time to figure it out, which no one can tell how long.

We sometimes only hear what we want to, without looking deeper at the bigger picture, and that false hope is what we make a mistake with.

benson1 · Oct 24, 2009, 07:22 AM

That's the thing I have sat down and thought really hard what happened where did it go wrong why did it change and there was nothing as far as us were concerned. Yes I knew he was unhappy with his job and prob his self images but not us!that's what driving me mad! Sigh

benson1 · Oct 24, 2009, 10:54 AM

I feel like I'm freaking out trying to figure out the whole month thing! Why won't this feeling just go away!

amicon · Oct 24, 2009, 12:55 PM

It will go away when you let go of all the analysing-thats keeping you in limbo when you need for your own sake to move on. You re holding on to what Tal so aptly calls false hope- and its not doing you any favours.
If you sit around for another two weeks waiting for your ex to magically realise that you should get back together that's another fourteen days of your precious life spent on hold for something that may not happen.