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dave172 · Dec 12, 2009, 05:59 PM

Ok so, this is the story. In May of 2006 my ex and I decided we would take a break from our 3 year relationship. During this period I met someone and we had a date, sheerly out of lonliness. This girl became obsessed with me only after 1 date. She told her friends that she was with me. Meanwhile I still had tremendous feelings for my ex girlfriend and we decided to get back together in July of 2006. This is where it gets messy. I spent a lot of time with my friends during this two month period on our break and did'nt want to feel like I was abandoning them for her. So I continued hanging with them always telling her that I was. Now my ex's friends had seen me on this date and they convinced her that I was being unfaithful. Henceforth meaning I "cheated" on her. We stayed together until October 2006 when her friends decided to say that it was a bad idea and "once a cheater always a cheater"
Ok I know this was three years ago, its ridiculous for me to continue these feelings, but these past couple of weeks we've been hanging out again, occasionally, doing everything from watching movies to her place or hanging out at the University. I am fully convinced that I want her back. I never fell out of love with this girl and I know she is the one for me. But when I told her about it she says "I feel exactly the same way...but...it would'nt work. I'll just keep punishing you for what you did to me." Its pointless to say anything because I know an argument would just ensue and I love what we have together and I'm so glad she's back in my life. I just want her to really be back. I love her, I'm sure of it. And I know she feels the same way. We shared a very passionate kiss and the electricity continued to flow, even after not seeing each other for three years. Any ideas? Thank you so much.

sabrewolfe · Dec 12, 2009, 11:12 PM

If you were taking a break at the time and it was only one date, that really doesn't qualify as cheating. And it was three years ago. Sounds to me like she is just using it as an excuse because she's just too immature to be honest with you. Do yourself a favor and don't pay much mind to her. Let her come back to you if she really wants to build a relationship with you. Don't let her get you caught up in her in and out emotional roller coaster ride.

sambilly · Dec 13, 2009, 05:49 AM

Its OK to still have feelings for her, ill tell you now there won't be a single person in this world that can ever make you forget about her, so it is in your best interest to presue her until there you know for a fact that there was not absoutly anything you can do to make it up to her. It sucks that you seem as the wrong person but your not you just needed someone to aid you and guide you through a lonely heart break that's all your not wrong. The two of you were broken up while you was talking to someone else, that's not wrong because it seems to me that she wanted you to sit home alone by yourself and cry your eyes out and come back to her crawling on your kneews begging for her to take you back, don't look at it that way, look at all the good times you shared with her and ask yourself if that's the life you want to continue having with her. But remind yourself that shez going to always have that day you went out with someone else care always playing it when you mess up again. So its really your call, does your heart pull you towards her no matter what you think will happen, do you mind getting your heart broken by the same person over again ask yourself if there was one person in this world that you wouldn't mind to redo a life together would it be her and if so call her, but this is what you do talk talk and talk but don't talk about what you messed up on stay away from the past take her out and share new memorys and you will have nothing to worry about. Look its not hard getting a girl the only problem we men have is keeping one, our only jobs in life is not to mess up it's that simple. You love her tell her, act like it, show it, when you get mad at her don't yell TALK it out remember love grows and you have to be friends before lovers so remember she was once your friend and will always be your friend so progress from friendship... good luck

dave172 · Dec 13, 2009, 12:05 PM

Wow. Thank you so much. Me and her have gotten closer over the last few weeks. I'm sure this is the one that I want to be with. I can't convince myself of it anymore. I just hope she really does feel the same way and is'nt just saying it. I'd have my heartbroken a billion times by this girl and I'll still love her. If all we can be is friends then at least I can be close friends with her. But I have a feeling things will go north soon. She went to a concert last night with her friends and was texting me ALL night while I worked the nightshift trying to keep me company. I know that that's something. Thanks for your responses. I appreciate the good will!

Jake2008 · Dec 13, 2009, 02:19 PM

It seems like the punishment does not fit the 'crime'. She should be able to determine the fact that, were it not for her 'friends', she may very well have realized that the fling was when you were separated.

So, I say that she is perhaps using this as an 'excuse', for herself, not to have a relationship with you again. Is it possible that she too may have been interested and/or involved with another man during the time you were apart?

I would suggest that if it really is the fact that you 'cheated', she has some issues to sort through for herself, personally.

Maybe couples counselling can get to the root of this, as it seems to be more a question of her being untruthful about the real reason why she won't get back together again.

jaime90 · Dec 14, 2009, 11:33 AM

You are half of the relationship, and she is the other half. If one of you doesn't want the relationship, then she's right, the relationship won't work. I would stop contact with her in order to avoid stirring up feelings that she doesn't want toward her- at least not from you. There are other fish in the sea. This is how she feels, whether you intended it or not... trying to change her feelings would be very disrespectful and selfish on your part. If you really care for her, you would consider how she feels, and leave it be.

I wish · Dec 14, 2009, 11:46 AM

You already told her how you felt and she told you how she felt. I know you want her back, but if she's not willing to try to work things out, then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment by constantly hanging out together.

If you get back together without letting go of the past or fixing the past problems, the relationship will just blow up again.