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Skell · Nov 12, 2006, 03:56 PM

Hi my friends.

Just wanted some of your valued advice on a situation I find myself in.

Whilst doing some much needed cleaning of my cupboard over the weekend I come across something that belongs to my ex. Well many things actually. Most of them aren't important things and I won't even bother with them. She has many of my things too and I haven't pursued getting them back because they are all replaceable and I don't really want them badly enough to contact her.

However, one thing I found at home that belongs to my ex is of particular importance to her and hr mother.

It is a little piece of jewelry that can be attached to a necklace. It belonged to my ex's grandmother who gave it to her daughter (my ex's mum).

my ex used to wear it and I remember when she lost it, both her and her mother were a little upset.

So I really have to return it. Was just wondering how I should go about it.

I was thinking of maybe just putting it in an envelope with a little note to my ex's mother saying I found it when cleaning and wanted to return it. I would then just drop the envelope in my ex's mum letter box.

Is this the best way to do it or are there any other ideas. I don't really fancy dropping it to where my ex is living at the moment.

tdmce · Nov 12, 2006, 04:00 PM

Yeah I think that sounds like the best way to handle it. You just need to make sure that it gets to them safely, but the letterbox should be fine.

DJ 'H' · Nov 12, 2006, 04:06 PM

That sounds like the perfect way to handle this? I am sure her mother will be very grateful to you as well! - you are a very thoughful man; not many would bother - I have lots of respect for you ;)

s_cianci · Nov 12, 2006, 04:14 PM

Do you have any contact information (phone #, e-mail address, etc.) for your ex's mom? If so, contact her and inform her that you have this jewelry that you'd like to return to her and establish a date, time and place to meet her. If you can't get hold of her mom, then contact the ex instead. If you can't even contact the ex, then place a notice in a local newspaper. If that generates no response, then wait the required time (generally 180 days.) After that, it's yours to do with as you like.

s_cianci · Nov 12, 2006, 04:18 PM

To respectfully disagree with tdmce and DJ H, I wouldn't trust simply placing it in the letterbox as it doesn't relieve you of any potential liability if it somehow disappears after you've placed it in the letterbox. For your own protection, you want to actually hand it to her mom, in person, or at least hand it to her in person. Her mom is best, since it is actually her property but you want to be sure you physically hand it to someone who can be reasonably assumed to take responsibility for it.

DJ 'H' · Nov 12, 2006, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

To respectfully disagree with tdmce and DJ H, I wouldn't trust simply placing it in the letterbox as it doesn't relieve you of any potential liability if it somehow disappears after you've placed it in the letterbox. For your own protection, you want to actually hand it to her mom, in person, or at least hand it to her in person. Her mom is best, since it is actually her property but you want to be sure you physically hand it to someone who can be reasonably assumed to take responsibility for it.

I did not even think of that - I do believe contacting her Mum is the best course of action - so perhaps you ought to ring her and make sure she is in when you drop around - asdsuming you have her number.

Thanks for pointing that out s-cianci - you really cannot be too careful these days.

Skell · Nov 12, 2006, 04:44 PM

Yes I do have contact details for my ex's mother although I really didn't want to have to see or talk to her.

We haven't spoken since my ex broke up with me and to tell you the truth I don't really want to. Its not that we don't get on, we do, but I have to say having no contact with my ex's family has been just a beneficial as having no contact with her.

But I do understand what you are saying about liability.

It wouldn't be worth a lot of money but it is just something I know they would like to have back.

I suppose I have to look at giving it to her in person... unfortunately!

rol · Nov 13, 2006, 04:15 AM

Hmmm this is a tricky one indeed!

Postbox-not a bad solution but unsafe.

Mother- hmm if you give it back to the mother I guess she will ask how you are etc , so you are going to have to talk to her and then she I guess she will tell her daughter you gave it back to her, but then maybe your ex thinks you are still all emotional over her by not seeing her in person?

Your ex- would the best solution her just be not to give it back directly to her?You have not had contact since the last time when you wrote that email by mistake.. so would now not be a good time to let her see how well your life is going without her?

Hmm tough one... or leave it for a while and wait until you are ready for contact?

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 13, 2006, 07:33 AM

If it were me, I would at first thought think about the postbox option and hope for the best but speaking on a more wise note, it is unsafe, so I would opt for option 2 which would be giving it to her mother. I don't think there is anything wrong with this but just take control of any converastion and make sure that nothing gets discussed about how you are and what you are doing or what your ex is up to. Just keep it short and simple but polite.

I think she will respect you for giving this back!

valinors_sorrow · Nov 13, 2006, 08:21 AM

Pretend its still Halloween, tape it to her door, knock and run for cover? :rolleyes:

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 13, 2006, 01:16 PM

Hi Skell,

Perhaps you could also send this by registered or recorded post..

Not sure how they do it in Australia but in the UK, we have something called Special Delivery which is a guaranteed service with extra insurance...

Extremely rare that it goes missing.

Only thing is, you cannot put a price on this because it has sentimental value to it. Iyt would save you the bother of having to meet up with anyone though even though it seems rather formal.

Skell · Nov 13, 2006, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Hi Skell,

Perhaps you could also send this by registered or recorded post..

Not sure how they do it in Australia but in the UK, we have something called Special Delivery which is a guaranteed service with extra insurance...

Extremely rare that it goes missing.

Only thing is, you cannot put a price on this because it has sentimental value to it. It would save you the bother of having to meet up with anyone though even though it seems rather formal.

Hey Geoff,

Yeah we have registered post here in oz and that's not a bad idea.

I suppose my initial thought about just dropping it in the mail box might be a little unsafe. Not sure though. Her mum lives in real nice little quiet area and I would drop it there in the middle of the day and she would check her mail when she gets home from work in the arvo. It would probably be in the mail box for a matter of hours. Still enough to missing I suppose.

I will just give her mum a call and see when she is home and ill drop it to her. No big deal. Just thought ad ask!

Thanks all for the advice.

Wildcat21 · Nov 14, 2006, 09:03 AM

I'd call her Mom up -explain what happened ask if you can drop it off.

I'd even go as far to mention you don't want to contact the ex and just want to return what belongs to them.

Then drop it off - ifthe mothers there - great. If not - leave it in the mail box or door.

Move on - I am sure they will lappreciate it.

shygrneyzs · Nov 16, 2006, 07:25 AM

Hope you have returned the necklace, and in person to the Mother. Mailing via envelope in the post box is not a secure way to go.

Skell · Nov 16, 2006, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Hope you have returned the necklace, and in person to the Mother. Mailing via envelope in the post box is not a secure way to go.

I haven't as yet but I will.

And I was never going to mail it. I was planning on putting in there myself.

But its OK, I will drop it around the next chance I get.

Rae24 · Aug 31, 2007, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Skell

Hi my friends.

Just wanted some of your valued advice on a situation i find myself in.

Whilst doing some much needed cleaning of my cupboard over the weekend i come across something that belongs to my ex. Well many things actually. Most of them arent important things and i wont even bother with them. She has many of my things too and i havent pursued getting them back because they are all replaceable and i dont really want them badly enough to contact her.

However, one thing i found at home that belongs to my ex is of particular importance to her and hr mother.

It is a little piece of jewelry that can be attached to a necklace. It belonged to my ex's grandmother who gave it to her daughter (my ex's mum).

my ex used to wear it and i remember when she lost it, both her and her mother were a little upset.

So i really have to return it. was just wondering how i should go about it.

I was thinking of maybe just putting it in an envelope with a little note to my ex's mother saying i found it when cleaning and wanted to return it. I would then just drop the envelope in my ex's mum letter box.

Is this the best way to do it or are there any other ideas. i dont really fancy dropping it to where my ex is living at the moment.

Um... well you can do that of course, but remember, the break-up was between you and your ex, not her mother. So if it meant so much to them, I am sure you can be nice enough to give it to her mom at least in person. Shows you are still a aperson that cares for them, no matter how the situaton went with her daughter.