[medawel]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. Since last year we've been going through this rough patch. Earlier this year he was acting as if he liked this girl. It's really complicated because she's my friend but he gets on better with girls than guys so he has more female friends than guy friends and she's one of them. Well, I won't get into the things he was doing but to sum it up he was basically paying her the world of attention and ignoring me to a large extent. :(

I got depressed and instead of crying when we talked, I snapped at him and that created another problem because I found out a few weeks ago that he was going to ask me to take a break( that's cleared up now and he says he was just being immature) Well, I finally confronted him and asked him if he liked the girl and he said no and I asked him over and over and he told me to stop worrying about him liking anyone else because he really really likes me. I guess I know that he's telling the truth but the thing is he thinks that his tellling me that wiped away all my insecurities but to be honest it didn't. He and the girl see each other a lot- a lot more than we see each other because they have dance classes together three times a week and I can't seem to stop thinking deep down that he can't possibly not like her- she beautiful, graceful, talented, accomplished, confident and I just look at her and think why on earth wouldn't he like her.

Another thing is, earlier in the year when I thought he liked her, it seems my heart seems to have gotten so used to being in pain, every time now I see him so much as smiling or laughing with her, I get this sinking feeling and I have to struggle not to cry. I honestly can't take this anymore and I find myself analysing everthing- if he smiles more with her or if he stares at her and everything. Which is kind of hard because he's really nice to everyone and I might just be paranoid. We're both really busy so we're not seeing or hearing from each other much except at school either but my question is- how do I get over my insecurities and boost myself esteem (you may have noticed it's rather low... :o )

[shygrneyzs]

Give this guy the Heave-Ho. Unless you like wallowing in misery and crying every day and feeling depressed and feeling like your insides are being torn at. If you like that sort of thing, well stay by all means and let him bring this other girl along with you and him. Heck, let him and this girl kiss in front of you too and who knows where that leads?

Do you see how absolutely moronic it is to stay in this sick, unhealthy relationship? Yourself esteem is at minus zero - has to be to endure all this and say "I just look at her and think why on earth wouldn't he like her" WHY on earth should he like her more than you?

This girl is not much of a friend either - she has to know you and he are bf/gf - and it sounds like she is not repelling his attentions. Let them both go. Find other healthy friends who like you just fine the way you are. People who will affirm your worth and value you as a person, not some object. Don't tell you cannot do this, that it hurts too much. Of course it hurts, but it will get better. But you have to make the decisions and then act on them and follow through and stay firm in it.

[DJ 'H']

Your insecurities lie within you and how you feel - this is not your fellas fault.

From what I have read you really do not value yourself one bit - you lack confidence in all areas and you have absolutely no self esteem what so ever.

He on the other hand sounds very confident, outgoing and content with himself - all the things that you currently lack which isn't helping you, it is making things worse but its not directly his fault and I am sure if he knew you had all these problems he would be a little more considerate and willing to help you work things out.

This could be for any number of reasons - but you can get over this. It will take some time.

I would strongly recommend visiting your doctor and explaining how you feel - because I truly believe there is a lot more going on here than meets the eye.. I truly believe there are underlying issues which have lead you down the path to be insecure and lack confidence but with a bit of help and support you can easily become the true you again?