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Jussaydrea · Dec 6, 2009, 09:28 AM

Okay... I recently just broke up with my boyfriend who just so happens to be my daughter's father. At first, he didn't claim our daughter because his family didn't want to claim her because his family wanted all the attention to be on their new baby. He stated before getting his paternity test that if our daughter wasn't his, he would have his cousin beat me until I couldn't take care of my baby. He's also told my parents and I if I ever took him for child support we'd never see him again because we'd see his money. So me, feeling like I needed to keep our little family together protected him from child support services. He didn't claim her until my daughter was 2 months old when he got his paternity test results. So I put off obtaining child support for a year and now DSS has terminated both me and my daughter's services because I didn't comply with child support. So to get my services back, I complied with child support and has completed my part. Although he signed the birth certificate, from the time of our daughter's birth, first he treated her different because he wasn't claiming to be her father. Then after paternity was established, I can count on one hand the times he's bought her diapers and or the times he's taken her by himself on an outing. He'd rather party. Drink and smoke weed. I give him ample chances to spend time with our daughter but he only does when it's convienent or it looks good in front of certain people. He collects close to 400 a week in unemployment and has only bought our daughter supplies or anything maybe a few times... It's always "I'll do it next week." And when I ask him to watch our daughter when I have class because I'm a college student, he states, " I'll watch her, but I don't want to." Also, his living situation is he gets his mail at his parents, pays his cousin rent but never stays there to stay at his friends' house because the mother smokes weed, and the father is an alcoholic. Me, I live with my parents who both have very important jobs, we have a 5 bedroom house and it's stable. So my first question is since my living quarters are much more stable than his can I go for Sole Custody of my daughter? Now for my second question, he keeps stating that I'm wrong for not letting my daughter spend the night with him, but like I said, his living arrangements aren't stable. The place he pays rent, when he IS there he sleeps on an air mattress in the middle of the living room. I've stated that I he can have her during the day, just make sure she's home for bed and that's around 930 or 10pm. I say this because 1. He doesn't have stable living arrangements and 2. He has habits of smoking weed and drinking and I don't feel comfortable leaving my daughter with him at night because this is when he does his most partying. My second question is What rights does he really have since he doesn't live with me or our child? I mean do I, being the mother, have more rights considering my parents and I are the sole providers for my child? I hope this question isn't too hard because I really want to know what I'm in for if I petition for sole custody.

stinawords · Dec 6, 2009, 11:07 AM

Right now you and the father have equal rights because he is on the because as the father and you haven't gone to court for any other arrangements. You have to go to court to have custody awarded to you and ask for support. The fact that your parents are so supporting of you is nice but they have no legal standing in this because they are not legally required to support your child. You are very fortunate that they are so supportive. The father will have to petition the court for visitation if he wants any and it will be up to you to prove why he is a danger to the child.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2009, 11:35 AM

He has all the rights you have at this point as the father listed on the birth certificate and/or proven by DNA testing.

What rights you or he will have has to be determined by a court where you file for what you want, ( or he files first) and the other side then files what they want.

He could get joint custody perhaps, but will get at least visits including over night visits. If you can prove he is a threat ( but being poor is not a threat) if he wants to fight for it, but you need to file for everything you want to get it in writing.

So you need to petition, but even sole custody allows him over night visits with his visitation.

Jussaydrea · Dec 6, 2009, 07:45 PM

Okay... I think I'll just call a lawyer and ask for advise. Thanks you guys... I have a better understanding of what I have ahead of me...

ScottGem · Dec 6, 2009, 08:23 PM

If you can prove that he has no place to provide a safe overnight environment and that he is a drug user, you should be able to prevent overnights and mayeb get supervised visitation.

basketballlover · Dec 6, 2009, 08:52 PM

Id go to court for sole custody soon. At the moment he has the same rights you do. If you get sole custody (mothers usually do) you can ask for child support. The judge will decide when the father can visit your daughter.

cdad · Dec 6, 2009, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by basketballlover

id go to court for sole custody soon. at the moment he has the same rights you do. if you get sole custody (mothers usually do) you can ask for child support. the judge will decide when the father can visit your daughter.

Please stop making blanket statements unless you can back them up. Its not really that often that sole custody is awarded because the other party usually gets some form of custody and legal custody is almost always shared. You need to be more careful.

basketballlover · Dec 7, 2009, 03:58 PM

Yes however seeing that I had a legal fight over me by my parents I think I do know a bit about what happens. Talking to califdadof3.

this8384 · Dec 7, 2009, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by basketballlover

yes however seeing that i had a legal fight over me by my parents i think i do know a bit about what happens. talking to califdadof3.

Actually, we all have experience - legal and personal. Additionally, your parents split up when you were 3 - I don't know how you can remember what they were or weren't fighting about.

This is a law board and the statement that "Mothers usually get sole custody" is completely inaccurate. My mother certainly didn't; my stepchildren's mother didn't(she was asking for sole custody and supervised visitation against my husband); my friend didn't when her husband walked out on their son's 9th birthday.

EDIT: Did anyone else realize this kid is only 15 and posting on the legal boards?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ic-408787.html

basketballlover · Dec 7, 2009, 04:56 PM

I know about it because it is still happening. We are still going over it. And besides I'm looking at all my leagal options for the future should anything happen. I'm just saying that mothers who provide a stable environment usually get the child. Its what I've been told by several adults and in my law class at school. I'm sorry if this inst accurate I was simply going with what I had been told by my teacher.

ScottGem · Dec 7, 2009, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by basketballlover

i know about it because it is still happening. we are still going over it. and besides im looking at all my leagal options for the future should anything happen. im just saying that mothers who provide a stable environment usually get the child. its what ive been told by several adults and in my law class at school. im sorry if this inst accurate i was simply going with what i had been told by my teacher.

The problem here is you are going by your own experience in one instance and in one location. You have no idea whether what is your experience will apply to the OP. You are fairly new here and we pride ourselves on the accuracy of the advice we distribute. Your reponses have been based on limited experience that is not very accurate.

basketballlover · Dec 7, 2009, 06:18 PM

That may be but her situation is pretty much the same thing I am going through. Maybe the laws and legal system are different in canada and the us. I was just giving my opinion. Just the same way you are.

If it isn't enough that I'm on this site without my dad knowing, I'm taking time out of my dad to try to help someone. If my information is wrong then I apologize. However this is just advice and if I say something or someone else does that is incorrect then I am glad you notified me, however I don't really need 3 people coming at me telling me how wrong I am.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 7, 2009, 07:21 PM

Whlie these are open boards, be advised when you post very poor advice you will be called on it, and told you are wrong, and even given reddies ( like I gave you a few moments ago ) and I seldom give them.

Mothers used to normally get sole custody but joint custody is much more common, and often fathers are getting custody now, esp on older children ( I got custody of my son at my divorce)

If your teacher is telling you mothers normally get custody they are wrong.

ScottGem · Dec 7, 2009, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by basketballlover

i was just giving my opinion. just the same way you are.

See that's were you are wrong. We were not giving opinion. We were stating the law and how courts generally work. That's what happens in a law forum. While law is subject to some interpretation, there is a lot of black and white. You were expressing your opinion based on limited knowledge and experience. Most of the people who answer in the law forums are people with a good deal of varied knowledge and experience and can research and cite the law that applies to the OP's situation.

On the other hand, you WERE giving opinion and that has little or no place on a technical forum.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 7, 2009, 08:10 PM

And to be honest agruement against some of the most senior members is a poor way to get a start on a board.

basketballlover · Dec 7, 2009, 09:13 PM

No it isn't. I am taking classes in grades above because I am ahead of my grade.

ScottGem · Dec 8, 2009, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by basketballlover

no it isnt. i am taking classes in grades above because i am ahead of my grade.

No what isn't? What response were you responding to. I figured you may be taking some AP classes. But I don't know what you are responding to.

But I doubt if those classes are taught by a lawyer or someone with real experience in the trenches. I suspect they were just parroting something they were trained to teach and it doesn't reflect real world scenarios.

One last thing before I shut this down. Chuck and I are moderators on this site. We are stating the rules and guidelines for use of this site. You agreed to those rules when you signed up for this site. Arguing with us over how this site can be used is not very smart.

this8384 · Dec 8, 2009, 07:29 AM

Something else I realized. The statement below which I placed in bold:

Originally Posted by basketballlover

id go to court for sole custody soon. at the moment he has the same rights you do. if you get sole custody (mothers usually do) you can ask for child support. the judge will decide when the father can visit your daughter.

Is completely inaccurate. My husband had/has joint legal custody with his exwife; when the kids were living with her, he paid child support because she had primary physical custody - or what's known in my state as "placement."

JudyKayTee · Dec 8, 2009, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by this8384

Something else I realized. The statement below which I placed in bold:

is completely inaccurate. My husband had/has joint legal custody with his exwife; when the kids were living with her, he paid child support because she had primary physical custody - or what's known in my state as "placement."

Most law school students also can spell legal correctly. Again - children have no place on adult boards. (I'm not even sure that adults have a place on adult boards, myself included on occasion.)

ScottGem · Dec 8, 2009, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Most law school students also can spell legal correctly. Again - children have no place on adult boards. (I'm not even sure that adults have a place on adult boards, myself included on occasion.)

Just an aside, on the old AskMe.com, the #1 ranked legal expert turned out to be a 15 yr old. ESL Reading: internet, non-professional expertise, US law